Real or not real?
by ginny.Pottr1993
Summary: It's immediately after the war has ended (Katniss has shot Coin) and she's been returned to District 12 with Peeta at her side. What does the future hold in store for the two? This is a story about Peeta and Katniss overcome the emotional trauma of both the war and the Hunger Games. First chapter has been edited so that everything is in the first person.
1. Real or not real?

Peeta was sleeping as I walked inside his bedroom with my light guiding the way. He was a light sleeper-the both of us were-ever since our first Hunger Games. The nightmares woke us up all too often. This evening, I had been struggling to sleep, as usual. Peeta had moved in with me, even though he had his own victor's cottage. I'd asked him to and he'd obliged easily-just like the old Peeta I…

I saw him sleeping peacefully and almost felt bad for interrupting him. We never slept in the same bed. He was still as uncertain of me, as I used to be of him. Uncertain of how I felt, about everything. And I couldn't blame him. I had, after all, called him a capitol mutt when he joined us during the battle. It gave him every reason to be uncertain.

I didn't hesitate, however, when I crawled into bed next to him. Peeta opened his eyes as soon as he felt the bed creak. He willingly opened his arm to me and I snuggled into him. His warmth was something no pillow or blanket could provide. We lay in silence and I was about to close my eyes when he asked me a question: "You love me? Real or not real?" I smiled into his chest and whispered, "Real." He was quiet as he stroked my hair and I sighed in contentment. I knew he loved me and I knew he didn't need to voice it but he finally did anyway, "You know I still love you. I still loved you even when I was a mutt." I winced at his wording-which was actually _my_ wording and shook my head against his chest, "Peeta, you were never a mutt. Those were those… _things_ in the underground. You were different. You fought _them_." Peeta shook his head and sighed, "I was one of them, only a human version." I shook my head in defiance and whispered, "You are Peeta Mellark. From district 12. And I love you because you're you."

Peeta smiled down at me and I stared at his face. It had changed so much because of the torture he'd endured from the capitol, but yet I could still see traces of the old Peeta, the Peeta I had fallen in love with. He still had moments when he was doubtful about what was real and what wasn't. But, I was always there to help him. And he was always there to help me. Instead of just protecting each other nowadays, we helped each other. I took his hand in mine and kissed it. We fell asleep and I wasn't surprised when I didn't have any nightmares that night.

The following morning, I woke up to find Peeta gone. My heart stopped for a moment, fearing the worst. Then I saw a scribbled letter beside my bed saying, " _Dear Katniss. I've gone to go and fetch more primroses. Just take the day off and do what you feel like doing. I'll see you soon. All my love, Peeta_." I smiled lazily at the note and stretched my arms. I'd been so relieved to find him in the garden yesterday, when I got mad at the cat. He'd been my savior then. I couldn't have survived here all alone, with just Haymitch. I _needed_ Peeta. I'd also received a note from my mother yesterday, telling me about how she was the one who insisted on sending Peeta, or how he'd insisted on coming to live with me in 12. She'd supported his decision thoroughly. As far as I knew, it was the first time she'd fully supported any decision anyone had made.

I went back to my room and reread the letter Gale had sent to me:

 _Dear Katniss_

 _I can't apologize enough for my actions. I never wanted to hurt any of you. My job was always to protect you and your family, and I couldn't do it. I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself and I will never forgive myself for it either. I don't expect you to forgive me and you shouldn't have to either. I still love you though, nothing will ever change that-no matter who I end up with. I'm just sorry I couldn't ever be a better friend to you either._

 _You deserve to be with Peeta. I've always been jealous of him, and he's never been of me. He's far better for you than I am, clearly. He would never have followed through with Coin's plan. I wish the both of you every happiness._

 _Lots of love_

 _Gale_

I shook my head again, no quite sure how I should take this letter. I loved him, but I would never be able to forgive him-maybe someday, but nowhere in the near future. I walked down the stairs to the kitchen, and decided to try and make breakfast. There wasn't anything in the fridge so I frowned and went over to Haymitch's house. His fridge was empty too.

I decided to write a letter to Effie, although I wasn't sure how I'd get it to her. The trains were still operating, so maybe that way? I sat down at the long desk and wrote:

 _Dear Effie_

 _Peeta and I are doing ok. We've finally got each other to ourselves, with no-one to intervene or rip us apart! It's such a relief and I can't thank you enough for all of your help! I know we will miss you, but I'm sure when the time is right, we will come and visit everyone in the capitol._

 _I just have one request to make: please could you send us some food? I can shoot my own of course, but it does help to have the essentials.  
Thank you for your endless support during, before and after The Hunger Games, and the war. Peeta and I will always remember our team fondly. _

_With all my love_

 _Katniss_

I walked to the train station and gave it to the commander. He seemed surprised to see me there, as I'd returned on a victor's carriage. He bowed low to me and said, "Miss Everdeen, the trains are not in operation today-due to the end of the war, but for you I will drive into the capitol. We thank you for everything you have done!"  
I nodded and smiled as she handed him the letter with Effie's name on it. I then walked back to the victor's village and smiled when I saw Peeta planting primroses. He turned to see me and she ran to him and embraced him firmly. I was still wearing my nightgown but I didn't care. He murmured against my neck, "I thought you'd still be sleeping." I shook my head and whispered, "Nope. I sent a letter to Effie to ask for necessary food supplies. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."  
Peeta shook his head against my neck, "She won't mind at all. In fact, she will probably send you every source of food she can find!" I laughed a little and pulled back to kiss him. I couldn't help but remember the time when I would kiss him for the cameras, and not because I wanted to. I sighed, knowing now that I was kissing him with good intentions and good reason. I loved him, and he loved me, and that was all we needed, for now...

 _A/N: So this is my first fanfic for The Hunger Games. I haven't really read many in this fandom so these are all of my own ideas-although they may be similar to other people's, I'm not entirely sure. This chapter starts off once at the very end of the movies/ book when Peeta Katniss if she loves him, real or not real? (Hence the title of the story.) I read the books a while ago and after seeing Mockingjay Part 2 last night I thought I'd give it a bash! Please let me know what you think?  
P:S There is more if you want more..._

 _P.P.S: I've changed this chapter so it's all in the first person!_


	2. She's Gone

The radio was playing in a corner and I was writing in my journal. A song I use to dance to with my with my father began playing. It was called, " _Crazy Little Thing Called Love_ ," by a band called Queen. My father and I used to dance to this when he was alive. I used to write all my thoughts down to try and get rid of them after the Hunger Games. Now, I remembered my journal, had found it in a chest of drawers in my bedroom and was sitting at the dining room table scribbling it down.

Peeta appeared behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, giving me a kiss on the cheek. He chuckled and whispered, "Can I have this dance?" I smiled and shook my head. Peeta tickled my sides until I giggled, "Peeta…stop!" He wouldn't relent. He knew from the day we'd spent on the rooftop before our first Hunger Games that it was my tickle spot. He pulled me up out of the chair anyway, and spun me around. I grinned for the first time in a week. He spun me around effortlessly and I let him. It was refreshing-feeling something other than sorrow and mourning. It lifted my spirits, just a simple thing like dancing.

He was so good at this, at just _being_ together. Evidently, I still had a lot to learn. Peeta whispered to me then, "I think this should be our song." I smiled and kissed his cheek, "You always think of such romantic things. I'm not good at it. But I agree. I used to dance to this song with my father." Peeta fell silent and now we were just slowly turning around each other, my head resting on his shoulders. I was never very relaxed around anyone, but somehow, just _knowing_ that Peeta was alive and well enough and in my arms was all I need.

I suddenly felt overwhelmed and began crying. Peeta felt my tear drop down his back and immediately stopped turning us around. I whispered to Peeta, "I'm sorry. I just…" Peeta held me tighter than I would have thought possible. I felt more tears escaping and he whispered, "You never need to apologize Katniss. Ever. For how you're feeling. We've been acting in ways we haven't wanted to act, and not out of our own will, for the last four years. I think now is our time to be who we are and let ourselves feel the way we feel." I nodded against his shoulder as the tears still fell down my face. Suddenly, I was sobbing. I hadn't really cried yet over Prim. I had been keeping myself in check, delaying it, trying to process everything. It just felt like my brain was behind, and unable to catch up with the facts. Prim was dead. Finnick was dead. Boggs was dead. I shook my head, and didn't even realize I was sobbing and grasping Peeta, like my life depended on it. I handed realized until then that it _did_.

He pulled away and pulled him back. I whispered throatily, "I can't live without you." He whispered back, "I never have been able to. You know that." I pulled away only to kiss him fiercely. It was to feel anything but the pain in me right now. He seemed surprised but he also didn't seem to mind. The tears began to slow down as I kissed him. I walked backwards, towards the couch and lay on my back, pulling Peeta on top of me. He gently wiped the tears off my face and kissed my cheeks where they had been.  
I suddenly felt exhausted and whispered, "I'm so tired. He nodded and got up off me, "I'll let you rest then." I shook my head and got up, "No! Please stay with me?" He nodded and got back on the couch, lying down on his side and he held out his hand to me. I ran to him and snuggled against his chest. He sighed and stroked my hair, "Sleep Katniss." I nodded and drifted off easily in his arms.  
I awoke with a start when I heard Haymitch's voice, "Peeta…Katniss? Where are…" His voice stopped. I realized his must have found us. I stretched slowly and saw that Peeta was awake and watching me. He glanced up and I guessed Haymitch was in the living room. I yawned and sat up to face him. He shook his head and murmured, "I should really learn to knock, with you two lovebirds. Anyway, there's a package from Effie that I just collected from the trainstation. It's full of food. The porter helped me carry it."

We stood up and I hurried to the front door. I picked up the letter which read:

 _Dear Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch_

 _I was so pleased to hear from you Katniss! It is such a relief to know that you finally have some happiness. If anyone deserves it, it is my victors-all three of you! I hope this parcel finds you and is enough to keep you going for a while. If you_ ever _need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm always here for my three champions._

 _I miss you dearly, but I'm afraid things are still a big mess from the war, and probably will be for a long time coming. I don't think it will be safe for you to return anytime soon. There are people with loads of negative feelings-mostly towards you, Katniss. Some are blaming the respectful criminals-Coin and Snow; while others are blaming you and Peeta- saying if you had just taken the berries, this would never have had happened! Can you believe the idiocy of some people! I can't believe I used to call them my friends!_

 _It's been declared a week of national mourning for remembrance of both who died in the Hunger Games and the war. In this week I'm remembering Prim and Cinna. I wish I had gotten to know your sister a little more. I do feel extremely sorry that I didn't._

 _Anyway like I said, please ask if you ever need anything._

 _With all my love_

 _Effie_

I smiled and said to Peeta, who was looking confused, "I sent her a letter asking for the basic food supplies." The box was huge, in typical Effie style. We searched through it. There was tones of bread, meat, vegetables, preservatives, milk and even tea bags to last us for the next month. There was loads of water too which was useful because the water was temporary at the moment, with no one there to fix it or run it. It did what it wanted to do.  
Haymitch chuckled when he pulled out a bottle of whisky and he read the sticky note on it out loud, " _Just one, because you have come so far and you can't afford to back track_." He shook his head and sighed, "How I miss that woman." Peeta and I exchanged a smirk and Haymitch rolled his eyes, "Don't you too look at each other like that!"

I smiled and rummaging through, I came across a box. It had my name of it in my mom's handwriting. Peeta was looking at it warily. I opened it and found a note folded inside and found my locket that Peeta had given to me in the Quarter Quell with the pictures of her, Prim and Gale in the middle. I stared at the picture of Prim. I couldn't do anything but stare and think to myself ' _She's gone…she's gone…_ ' I turned to Peeta and whispered, "She's gone? Real or not real?" He didn't give me an answer.

 _A/N: First off, thank you to my two amazing reviewers! Really it's great to hear that people are enjoying this, especially since it's my first Hunger Games fic. Also thank you to everyone who followed/ favorited this story, it really means a lot! The other thing I want to know is...am I ok with my age restriction? I never know how to rate the stories. I mean I understand the rating but I don't know what this would fall under. So far I think K+ is fine, but I could be wrong. Any thoughts would be much appreciated! Thank you again!_


	3. Desperate

I struggled to sleep one night. It was a month after we'd arrived back and I was thinking of the last time I had properly seen Prim and knowing it was my last time-at Finnick's wedding. I missed them both so much. I hadn't realized how much Finnick had meant to me either until I thought about it now. I mean, I knew he was a good friend, but the fact that he was with me from the beginning until the end meant so much. I had awoken from a nightmare-of remembering how Finnick was taken from us-with the use of capital mutts. I shivered and Peeta woke from the movement. He clutched his arm around me and whispered, "Katniss…Katniss it's ok." I shook my head and buried my face in his chest, "It's not ok. Rue is dead. Cinna is dead. Prim is dead. Finnick is dead. Boggs is dead. Countless other people I don't even know are dead. Because of me." I couldn't look at him and he held me tightly. He was silent and I feared that he judged me, judged me for all of it.

He sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you Katniss, that none of it is your fault? I still refused to look at him as I whispered, "I sometimes wish I could have just died in the first Hunger Games, and let you win. They all might still be alive." Peeta shook his head and whispered, "But countless of other innocent children would have died in their place." I shivered again, knowing that what he was speaking was the truth. Peeta whispered, "And…if we ever have children one day, we can live without the fear of knowing that their lives won't end too soon." I froze at the idea of children. I'd _always_ been wary at the idea of having children. Wary to the point where I didn't want them. I still felt that fear in me as I cringed and whispered, "I…I'm not ready for it Peeta."

Peeta sat up instantly and whispered hoarsely, "Katniss, I'm sorry I never ever meant to suggest that! No! I mean…in the long run maybe…but even if you don't want to…the decision is entirely yours." I truly loved Peeta in that moment and I felt my heart melt for him. Whereas Gale might have insisted, he gave me the choice. It made me feel secure, and made me feel safe. I only ever felt safe when I was with Peeta. I think it was because we'd protected each other for so long.

Suddenly, Peeta's fingers clenched into a fist tightly around my shoulder and I knew what was happening. He was having one of those moments where he was having a capital memory and he had to fight against it. His face was screwed up and he was concentrating hard. It had happened a lot over the last month. He whispered, "Flickerman told me that I was never going to be yours. That I'd always have to compete with someone. That I wasn't good enough for you. And I willingly believed him. We'd never get married. Never have children. Never even see each other again. Real or not real?" My heart crushed in that second when he said that. Everything else was real…except maybe the part about the children. My voice caught in my throat and his grip on my shoulder became tighter. He was shaking in an effort to fight the memory. I whispered hoarsely, "Peeta…you are _too_ good for me and I don't deserve you. I never have. But I'm still being selfish and wanting you for myself." He was still shaking and I grew scared. Usually this reassurance helped him, but his shaking was getting out of control. I panicked and couldn't think of anything else to do except kiss him. His eyes shot open and he engulfed his arms around me. He kissed me furiously, which was so unlike his usual, gentle softness.

Eventually, I had to gasp for air and he shook his head, "I'm sorry. That was one of my worst "memories" they ever gave me. It's what made them turn me against you in the first place." I felt really sad all of a sudden. Of course Snow would use Peeta's biggest fear to turn him against me. It all made sense now. I shook my head and sat up out of his grasp, curling my legs into a ball. We were silent for a long time before he whispered, "There's something I need to apologize for too." I frowned and replied, "You don't have anything to apologize for." He shook his head, "I do. When I attacked you after Gale and everyone rescued me from the capital." I cringed at the memory. It was the worst memory I had of him, and the worst part was, it wasn't even him. I replied shortly, "I don't want to talk about it." Peeta sighed and replied, "But we've got to, Katniss. It clearly still bothers you."

I stared at the white duvet and refused to look at him. I remembered aiming my fire arrows at him when he arrived to join us in the fight. I had thought at those times that I could never forgive him. I shook my head and got up, "It's over, ok. I don't need to talk about it." Peeta watched me walk out of the room and walk to my bedroom. I was avoiding speaking about this because it hurt to even think about it. I hadn't been able to speak for days after he had attacked me. It wasn't even the worst of my problems, so why did it still bother me so much?

Two weeks went by and I still hadn't read my mother's letter. We hadn't spoken about Peeta's attack on me either. I was making dinner-pork sausages, vegetables and mash potato-when Peeta said to me sincerely, "I think you should open the letter." I frowned, "Effie's letter? She said she was sending you canvases and paints tomorrow." Peeta shook his head and watched me, "No…I mean your mothers letter. That you got with the locket." I dropped the knife I was using to chop a carrot. I shook my head, "No…I'm nervous about what it will say." Peeta murmured, "You're nervous about a lot of confrontation these days."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I know, but can you blame me? It seems like for the last four years all of being doing is confronting Snow and his evil plans to destroy us." Peeta sighed and nodded in understanding, "I don't blame you." He turned and walked back into the living room to watch TV. He had been so incredibly patient and understanding with me that I felt like I didn't deserve it. I'd been waking up from nightmares every night I slept alone, so eventually he ended up sleeping beside me, like he always did. There was no point in him waking up just because I was thrashing around like a crazy person who should belong in a lunatic asylum.

That's not to say that Peeta had uninterrupted nights. He would often tell me the following morning that he had had "memories" as he called them…the ones he wasn't sure of. They crept into his dreams when he was unconscious and he said that he couldn't escape them, couldn't wake up from them. It terrified me to think that he might be trapped in a nightmare. I knew how that felt…but not quite so literally.  
I fed the cat some pellets that Effie had sent us from the capital. It came and went as it so pleased, but most of the time I was happier when the cat wasn't around. The more I avoided thinking about Prim, the better. And the cat did nothing but remind me of her. I called Peeta to come to dinner. He was sitting watching television in the lounge-watching the latest news about the capital. Peeta called me instead, "Come and watch! It's breaking news!" Effie had made sure we received television and radio signal so that we could keep updated on everything. She went above and beyond for us and it was so appreciated.

I came in and folded my arms as I watched the person they'd replaced Flickerman on the news with. Her name was Rosemary Peterson-from District 2. She wore plain, black clothing and wore her dark curls naturally -unlike the capitals ideals and most unlike Ceaser. She wore minimal make-up too. It had been three weeks since the war ended and Effie had told us big decisions were being made as to who was to be in charge of reuniting the nation. This must be it. Peterson was saying seriously, "Breaking News: the capital has made a temporary decision as to who will be in charge of our nation for the next year, until the free elections take place and we get back on our feet as a nation…" At this point, Haymitch came running in and asked, "Did you…" but he saw we were intently watching already and I shushed him. He rolled his eyes and we waited impatiently as the scene turned to the dining room in the president's house-the round circular table where several familiar faces were seated: commander Paylor; Johanna; Annie; Gale and a few other male officials from district 8, who I didn't know sat. Plutarch was in hiding so I knew he wouldn't be a part of making the decision. I didn't think anyone with a sensible head would let him be either-even though I knew he'd been rooting for me over Coin all along. I had gotten lost in my own thoughts and so I only heard the news reporter say, "…Commander Paylor will be our temporary president until our nation is in a fit enough state to cast a free election. Candidates for the elections (which will be held a year from now) are as follows." A picture came up with my face on it and I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Haymitch laughed and I smirked somewhat as the presenter said, "Katniss Everdeen. District 12." Peeta was quiet though and his face came up next on the screen, "Peeta Mallark, District 12." Peeta's expression remained solemn, like he didn't want to reveal what he was thinking. I thought it was all ludicrous! Like we were fit to run a nation! The next face that came up was Gales and I rolled my eyes in disbelief, "Wow! I didn't see that one coming! He probably voted himself in he's so vain!" Haymitch smirked at me and I grinned back at him. Next, Cressida's face came up and I smiled. She would make a good president with her firm beliefs and quick thinking, level headed decision making skills. Finally commander Paylor's face came up and I nodded, "She'd be better than anyone. She knows what to do."

Haymitch agreed with me but Peeta was silent. He was quiet all through dinner while Haymitch and I spoke about the news. I shook my head irritably, "I just can't _believe_ that they voted me in. I just don't think capital people realize how much I don't want to be in the limelight or involved in politics ever again! I just need a peaceful, quiet life from here on out. They need someone like Paylor who's actually had experience in taking care of people. I can't even take care of myself." Haymitch raised his whisky glass to me, "Here here!"  
Then Haymitch nodded in agreement, "I agree with you there, girl on fire. You may have defeated Snow and Coin, but your people skills are still less than nothing." I giggled and clinked my wine glass with him. He was busy pouring me whisky from his bottle that Effie gave him, and I have to say, I was enjoying feeling a little lighter about the situation. I enjoyed the burning sensation going down my throat. Any feeling other than mourning made a nice change. I almost felt like I could laugh about it as I joked, "And Gale?! Gale as president?! Can you even imagine…they're just voting him in for his good looks and nothing more! They don't know he only thinks about himself." Haymitch laughed so hard he spat out his drink. I laughed at him and drank some more.  
I hadn't realized that Peeta was watching me emotionlessly. He wasn't touching his food either…just glaring-at both myself and Haymitch. I downed half of my glass and grinned into it as Haymitch said sarcastically, "I'm surprised they didn't put my face up, or Effie's. Those people are useless at making logical choices in the capital. I think we should just not have a president and do what we want. No rules to obey, no troubles pay!" I giggled again and downed the rest of my glass, before giving it to Haymitch to fill it up again. I had only ever been drunk once before, when I found out we were going back into the arena. I was rather enjoying the sensation until I slouched down into my chair.  
Peeta slammed his fist down on the table angrily, stood up and yelled, "That's ENOUGH! The two of you are acting like idiots and the future is lying in the hands of the people of Panem! There's a reason they voted us in, Katniss! They're desperate…" I interrupted with a glare, "I'll say…" I countered and he continued to glare at me, "And they don't know anyone else who could help!" I yelled right back at him, "I've given enough to Panem! There is nothing more I CAN give! I'm done with them! It's there problem now!"

Peeta stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time properly-and maybe he was. His expression turned from one of shock, to horror, and then settled on cold and stony, "Alright…then you can sit here and do nothing-drown your sorrows in your alcohol. I'm going to the capital to help out." I shrugged, "Fine. See if I care." He narrowed his eyes at me and I stared just as hard back at him. Haymitch whispered, "Katniss…I think you two need time to talk alone. Thank you for the dinner." He got up and left Peeta and I to stare at each other frostily.

 _A/N: Oh my word thank you everyone for such positive feedback and comments! I am really so happily surprised! Your support has made me motivated to spend the last two days writing this chapter and I can't wait to hear what you all have to say! I truly appreciate it! I hope you enjoy this one too! Suggestions are more than welcome!_


	4. From nothing to everything

I phoned Effie, lost for words. It was the first time he'd actually yelled at me. Peeta had stormed off in fury and gone for a walk. I didn't have anyone to speak to. The only person I would have spoken to about this was Prim. Haymitch was no good when it came to this department.

Effie answered on the second ring, "Effie Trinkett speaking." I was crying-sobbing- and Effie sighed, "Dear Katniss, what's got you so upset?" I inhaled breathlessly and whispered, "We were watching the news. Haymitch and I were laughing it off and Peeta…he walked out in a rage. He shouted at me." Effie was silent on the phone and she let me cry. Eventually, she said, "Oh dear. What were you saying to make him so upset?" I suddenly realized that maybe Effie was not the best person to speak to about this. She might take offence to my stance on it. I bit my lip and whispered, "I told him I'm done trying to help Panem. I told him I don't want to be involved anymore. He said he would get on a train tomorrow and leave so he could help. But the way he looked at me…" my voice hitched and Effie sounded upset, "Katniss, listen to me. You two love each other more than anyone I have ever known. I've watched it grow from nothing to everything first hand. And there's one little piece of advice I can give you-you and Peeta will fight. It's the most natural part of relationships when you truly love someone. You will say things that are meant to intentionally hurt each other. You won't ever mean them though and you will feel guilty for saying these things. I speak from experience my girl. You just need some time to clear your heads and then you will make up and it will be as if it never happened."  
I listened with rapture, not used to getting this kind of advice from anyone. My mother never offered this to me, but Prim did with her limited experience and words. Even so, it helped me make better decisions, and the fact that Effie was so knowledgeable in this department helped a lot. I sighed, "Thanks Effie. I really appreciate everything you've done for us. I suppose it also doesn't help that I…uh…was drinking." Effie suddenly stern, "Now Katniss, listen to me closely! Do _not_ become like Haymitch. Do _not_ drink yourself silly and waste your life. Yes, the last four years have been painful and tough. But you can't give up now! Not when you have a shot of happiness and a chance at a future which before you didn't know you had!" She was so passionate and it warmed my heart-truly it did. And then she added, as an afterthought, "I'm not going to ever send any more alcohol to you. I'm not going to give you the temptation." I smiled a genuine smile for the first time in weeks, "Thank you Effie, for caring so much." Effie laughed, "It's nothing my dear. It's truly nothing. You and Peeta have changed my life more than you know. I'm a completely different person to who I was in the beginning. I've feared losing the both of you too many times. The fact that you both survived everything you've been through…is a marvelous miracle. It's something I will be forever grateful for. You're like family to me. Just promise me one thing?" I bit my lip nervously and whispered, "Depends what it is…" Effie was quiet for a second before saying, "Don't ever leave Peeta. I'm afraid it would crush him more than he could bear." I nodded frantically, "I never would, Effie. I would never dream of it. But if he chose to leave me, I wouldn't stop him."

Effie sighed, "I know. You think he's too good for you? Well Katniss, I think you're equally as good for each other. You made me believe in true love again, and that's something no amount of money can buy." I was speechless. Effie hadn't believed in true love before us? I whispered, "That's a story I want to hear about one day, Effie." She laughed her tinkling laugh and replied, "One day, my dear, one day you will hear it."  
There was a noise in the background and she sighed, "I better go, darling. I'm having Johanna and uh…Gale over for dinner. I'll speak to you soon. Send my love to everyone." I nodded, "I will! Effie one last thing. Please will you make me this promise?" She said instantly, "Anything dear." I smiled, "Look a after Peeta for me if he decides to leave please, or has already left?" I could hear she was smiling, "Of course, darling. Much love!" I was about to reply when she hung up the phone.  
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I felt a bit better after speaking to Effie, but I knew I wouldn't feel better until I could speak to Peeta. I waited up late for him. It was nine when he had stormed out and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at all without him. Then I realized-what if he did leave me and go to the capitol? I would have to go with him. I wouldn't cope here, all on my own. I watched TV and watched the time tick by on the clock above- 10pm, 11pm, 12am…He still wasn't back. I was beginning to panic.  
I moved my hands, clutching my hair, freaking out. I was sitting on the couch and I ended up rocking back and forth. I couldn't wait much longer. I made up my mind that if he was going to not come back, then I was going to go and search for him. Just as I thought it, the door creaked open and I jumped. I turned around in a panic, my heart pounding and I saw him walk in, closing the door slowly behind him.

He froze when he saw me-hands gripped around my knees and rocking silently on the couch. Peeta whispered, "Katniss…" I got up and rushed to him, throwing my arms around him violently. I squeezed him tightly to me and felt like I could finally breathe again. I began tearing up, "Peeta…I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being such a jerk! But you have to understand…I can't do more for them. I can't! Please don't make me." He was holding me tightly and he sighed, "Katniss, I'm not making you do anything. But I feel like I have to go." My eyes snapped open and I pulled away from his embrace, "Then I'm coming with you!" I said firmly.  
Peeta shook his head, "No, you need to stay here and look after Haymitch." I growled angrily, "He's a grown man, Peeta! He can take care of himself! I've already decided I'm coming with you. It…would be too difficult to sit here and be without you." I couldn't believe I sounded so desperate. I was never desperate. I had always been self-reliant, even before the Hunger Games. I never felt like I truly _needed_ someone. Peeta sighed, "Katniss… I'm worried it might be too much for you." I rolled my eyes, "If I've survived everything we've been through, Peeta, I'm pretty sure we're unstoppable." He laughed, "Like a power couple?" I nodded firmly, "Yes, exactly. That's what we were throughout the games. That's what we can still be. And I _know_ I can't survive so many nights without you."  
He smiled then and kissed my cheek gently, "You know…that might be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me." I blushed and couldn't look into his eyes, "Well…don't get too used to it. I'm coming with you, ok?" He nodded and pulled me close again, "Alright…just as long as you promise to stay out of trouble." I rolled my eyes, but his head was leant against mine so he couldn't see it, "You know I can't promise you that, Peeta." He sighed against my neck, "Just try, Katniss, just try."

 _A/N: Again thank you so much everyone for such positive feedback! It's really giving me so much motivation to write this story and to write it well! I have no idea how long it will be, but I really appreciate all of the kind words and support!_


	5. Decisions with the heart

The following morning we got up at eight and began packing belongings to take to the capitol. I took a break to go and visit Haymitch. I knocked on his door and he didn't respond. Of course, he was still sleeping. I went up to his room and shook him awake. He grumbled irritably and asked, "Wh….wha-…oh, it's you." I rolled my eyes, "Thanks for the enthusiasm. Peeta and I are heading to the capitol." Haymitch groaned, "Whatever for? I thought you said last night you wanted nothing more to do with "them." That's what your spat with lover boy was about, wasn't it?" I picked up a pillow off a chair and threw it at him, "I've decided I can't stay here without him. I'm going. We're offering for you to come…and give you a chance to see Effie."

Haymitch was up and pulling a t-shirt on in a second, "I'm coming! No more persuasion needed!" I nodded and replied, "We're leaving at ten. It gives you enough time to pack." He nodded, "Thanks, for thinking of me." I smiled a little and then hurried back to join Peeta. I showered, got dressed, left countless of dishes of pellets out for the cat and then walked back upstairs to finish the packing. Peeta was busy showering and I shouted, "Have you finished with your things?" He shouted back that he had. My bedroom had an en suite bathroom which was extremely convenient.

As I was packing I walked over to a chair to pick up my nightgown. I happened to see Peeta pulling on his shorts and I blushed when he caught me watching. He smiled and laughed, "You're still just as embarrassed as you were when Johanna stripped in front of all of us in the lift." I blushed furiously and refused to look at him. We still hadn't changed in front of each other or anything. We weren't quite _there_ yet. I wasn't that comfortable about myself and to be honest I didn't even think like that at the moment.

I shrugged, "Something's never change." Peeta had walked right up to me, bare-chested and he lifted my face up to look at him, "You're so cute when you're embarrassed." I tried to pull away but he held me tighter. It was the weirdest thing but I had never thought of touching his bare chest before. I had never really had time to think about things like that.  
Tentatively, I moved my hands up his body. He'd definitely gotten stronger since our first Hunger Games. He'd trained a lot more for round two than I had. I kissed his muscle on his arm and glanced up at him shyly. His eyes were closed and I did it again. I kissed from his bicep up to his neck and he sighed. I nuzzled my face against his chest and found that I liked his manly scent. He'd changed so much since I'd first met him-from that boy that he was four years ago, to the man that he was now. I whispered unthinkingly, "I love you." It was the first time I'd actually _said_ those words to him. His eyes flew open and he stared intently into my eyes, "Katniss…" he choked out and I kissed away his speechlessness.

Peeta sighed and I shivered at this. Suddenly the phone rang and I pulled away, "I'll get that." I moved over to the side of my bed and answered, "Hello? It's Katniss…" Effie squealed, "Haymitch JUST told me that you're on your way! I can't wait to see your beautiful faces! I'll organize a train for all of you to be there at ten! " Then she whispered, "Did you…?" Peeta was watching me, a small smile on his face as I whispered, "Yes…yes. Everything is fine. I'll speak to you soon Effie." She squealed again, "I can't WAIT!" and then we hung up the phone.  
Peeta smiled at me and asked, "She's excited?" I shrugged, "What do you think? She's _Effie_." He laughed and whispered, "You said you love me." I blushed and glanced away from his intense brown eyes, "Uh…yes I did. Should I not have?" He rolled his eyes and a beam spread across his face, "You just don't know how long I've wanted to hear that."  
I felt the blush spreading across my face and whispered, "You know me, and I'm not one with words." Peeta pulled a shirt on and walked over to me, lifting my chin up with his index finger gently, he grinned, "I know…that's why it means so much more to me." I felt my cheeks blazing and maneuvered out of his intense gaze, "I'm…happy about that. I think we should continue packing. We don't want to be late."

The rest of the packing got done within an hour. I sighed, "I think we're good. If we need anything we can get it in the capitol I suppose." Peeta nodded, "Agreed."

An hour later, we were on our way to the train station, and as promised, Effie had arranged a train for us. When we boarded, we discovered it was a victors train. Haymitch rolled his eyes, "Good old Effie." Peeta murmured, "She certainly still hasn't lost her sense of style." When we reached the dining room cart, there was a note on the table, " _Dear Haymitch, there is no alcohol on this train. And none in my house either which is where you will be staying. I will meet you at the station-Effie."_ He read it out loud to us and laughed. It felt a little strange to be back here again, in this train. I almost felt like we shoulder be strategizing for the Hunger Games. Peeta was also lot in his own thoughts.

He sat down in a chair beside me and took my hand, "How long does it take to get to the capitol?" he asked Haymitch. Haymitch shrugged, "Three days or so. You two better rest up." I groaned, "What are we meant to do for three days?" Peeta laughed, "Anything we want to, Katniss. Makes a nice change doesn't it?"  
I smiled and nodded, "True. I remember Effie saying there was a selection of board games in table over there. You want to try that?" He shrugged, "Why not? We've got so much time to kill." I opened the one half of the table and said, "Ok…so chess, trivial pursuit, monopoly, cluedo…" Peeta shook his head, "Definitely not Cluedo. I don't know how to play chess." I raised my eyebrows, "Really?! My father taught me how. I'll teach you."  
I spent the rest of the day teaching him the game. He got good at it quickly and was soon dominating me-no surprises there. He was so good at _everything_. I sighed eventually, "I surrender. You play Haymitch!" Haymitch rolled his eyes. He had been reading a book he'd chosen from one of the shelves all day. He rolled his eyes, "No thank you. I could play Monopoly though. I would beat each of you blindfolded!" Peeta and I smirked at each other, "Fine then! Come and prove it!" I said. Haymitch groaned, realizing what he'd gotten himself into, "Alright. Fine. But we make a bet. If I win, you both promise to get off my case if anything happens with Effie." I smirked, "So you want something to happen with Effie?" I raised my eyebrow and Peeta laughed as Haymitch scowled, "Come on, let's just get on with the game!"  
Peeta smiled, "And if one of us wins?" Haymitch shrugged and I answered, "We get to tease him mercilessly."  
We all nodded and Peeeta and Haymitch said, "Deal!" At the same time. We began setting up the board game. The hours ticked by as we played. At the moment, Peeta was beating both Haymitch and I. He had nearly all the properties. And had us both paying him every time we landed on one of his hundreds of hotels.

Eventually at 11pm we decided to call it quits. Haymitch yawned, "Let's write down what everyone has so we can keep track of it all." We agreed and did just that. He said goodnight to us and took himself to sleep. I sighed, "What now?" Peeta shrugged, "Are you tired?" I nodded, "A little. All the snacks and food have made me sleepy." He chuckled and stood up. I did the same and he lifted me up off my feet. I giggled, "Hey hey! What do you think you're doing?" His arm was supporting all of my weight as he grinned, "I'm taking us to our bedroom."  
I laughed and leaned my head against his chest. When we reached the bedroom, I gasped and found flower petals surrounding the bed and the floor. Peeta got down on his knee and I could feel my heart racing. He pulled out a box from his pocket and my heart stopped all together. He grinned up at me and I couldn't believe it when he whispered, "Katniss Everdeen…I will always love you and I have always loved you…will you do me the honor of becoming my bride? For real this time?"

My jaw dropped and I reminded myself to breathe. I gasped, "Peeta…Peeta! Yes! I love you!" I clapped my hand over my mouth, still shocked that I had said it again!

His beaming turned infinite and I couldn't believe that decision had been made so quickly and so thoughtlessly! I always made decisions using my brain…but this time…this time had I just made a decision from the heart?  
Peeta took a ring out of the box and slid it on my finger. I stared at it in awe. It was _breathtaking_. The ring was golden and it had six green opals on the outside of the ring which was set around a shining diamond. He said nervously, "I uh…got it on the last day when I was in the capitol. I wanted to get one for you just in case…I hope its ok? I got green because I know it's your favorite color…" Peeta was babbling now because he was nervous. I shook my head in amazement, "It's _perfect_!" I whispered, still dumbstruck. He wanted to spend _the rest of his life_ with _me_!

I bought it closer so that I could examine all the tiny sparkles the ring was shining. I was one hundred percent certain that I'd never worn anything so beautiful in my entire life! My Mockingjay pin was the closest thing I had ever worn to jewelry. Peeta stood up and smiled happily, "I'm so pleased! I really wasn't sure…" I interrupted him by wrapping my arms around his neck and sighing contentedly, "You don't need to worry, Peeta! It's _perfect_!" He couldn't have looked happier, and it was the happiest I'd felt in a long, _long_ time.

 _A/N:_ _Thank you so much again to such enthusiastic reviewers! I really am enjoying writing this story! The ending of the chapter was not at all planned, it was completely spontaneous! But I hope it's not too soon! I just think after fighting like that with Peeta, Katniss will finally realize how much she actually depends on him-so much so that she can not be separated from him. And of course, she had to say she loved him too. That was important!But anyway, hope you all enjoyed this! Thank you so much for the positive feedback again!_


	6. Only Time Will Tell

I woke up the next morning and yawned. I felt like I'd had the weirdest dream where Peeta had proposed to me. I shook my head from the silliness of it all. I stretched and then heard the sound of the train on the train tracks. I blinked furiously and opened my eyes. Peeta was of course, lying beside me, but he was lying with his shirt _off_. That was unusual. It was so strange…ever since I'd seen him with his shirt off I'd wanted to see him with his shirt off _more_.

I glanced up to find him watching me and he smiled, "Good morning, beautiful." He was _beaming_. It was so weird. I hadn't seen him this happy in…forever. I frowned. Something was not quite right here. I sat up. I know last night we'd had a big make-out session, but that was it. Although I did remember trying to frantically get his shirt off.

I shook my head in embarrassment and he smiled and brushed a finger across my cheek, "Why are you blushing?" I frowned and whispered, "I had the _weirdest_ dream last night." He was still grinning like a hyena and he chuckled, "What was it about." I stared at him and said slowly, "You…you proposed to me." I eyed him and his smile widened, if that was possible. I shook my head and whispered, "You're not denying it."  
Peeta laughed and he leaned in to kiss my cheek, "I didn't have to." He held my left hand up and I gasped as I saw the ring on my finger. My head buzzed frantically and I couldn't process what had happened. It was too much! I stared at him and smiled shyly, "This is what my dream was about. I dreamt that you proposed." Peeta laughed, "So, it was good timing then?" I nodded and he leant in to kiss me again. I sighed happily but still couldn't almost trust that this was _real_

I whispered against his lips, "Real or not real?" He smiled and said, "Definitely real." At that moment, the automatic doors to our bedroom slide open and Haymitch walked in. I jolted away from Peeta and Haymitch rolled his eyes, "Sorry to barge in but uh…it is already ten in the morning. We will be arriving in a few hours." I frowned, "I thought it took longer to reach the capitol?" Haymitch shrugged, "Well considering the majority of trains are not running it means the lines are open to us and only us. No traffic makes a big difference. It means we're several hours ahead of schedule."  
Haymitch glanced at Peeta, "What are you so happy about?" Peeta chuckled, "Well…you see Haymitch, we're engaged." I couldn't even look at either of them but I heard Haymitch clap, "Well done Peeta. You finally managed to win over the girl on fire, on your own terms I might add. But I suggest you two get dressed. We'll be there by lunchtime."

I groaned and shook my head, "Do we really have to?" I asked Peeta. He nodded, "Of course, Katniss. But you don't need to do anything. Come on, let's get moving. You can go and shower first if you want." I nodded and grabbed a towel from one of the cupboards. This all felt all too familiar. I felt like we were about to go into another round of the Hunger Games. I felt my heart pounding and I just didn't want to be away from Peeta for so long. I shook my head irritably and muttered to myself, " _Get a grip_!" I wasn't used to being so needy. I never was and I never have been. So why was it starting now?

A long shower actually helped me clear my head. I sighed, feeling a bit better, but still not liking being on this train. I pulled on my clothes-just simple jeans and a v-neck shirt, when there was a knock on the door that made me jump. I turned around and opened the door to find Haymitch. I sighed, "What do you want?" Haymitch whispered, "A chat."  
He walked inside without asking. I folded my arms and placed my ring back on my finger as he said seriously, "Katniss…you know now that you can never leave this boy, don't you?" I stared at him and said just as seriously, "Haymitch…for the first time last night I made a decision with my _heart_ and not my _head_. It was so easy to say yes, and I think that's how it should be." Haymitch nodded, "I know…but I also know how much it took for me to convince you to kiss Peeta the first time. Lots of persuasion was needed." I suddenly snapped, "Haymitch! For the first time in four years I've made a decision that _I_ wanted to make! You and Effie both seem _convinced_ that I'm going to leave him." Haymitch startled, "Effie told you the same thing?" I nodded, "Yeah. Pretty much said I'm "stuck with him," which sounds like a bad thing. But it's not. I know he's too good for me and to be honest…" my voice hitched as I whispered, "I'm _terrified_ that he will realize it one day. One day soon. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet." Haymitch sighed, "It's because he's besotted with you Katniss, that's why." I nodded, "Too much. And one day…he will come to realize how wrong he has been about me. He will understand that I'm not who he thinks I am and…"

I started crying, "This is a true fear of mine. It's a fear that will never leave me and it's a fear that will haunt me wherever I go. If anyone is leaving anyone Haymitch, it's him leaving me, and I would thoroughly deserve it." He looked ashamed, but there was another knock on the door.  
Peeta came in and saw me crying. I turned away to face the window and he frowned, "Katniss…Katniss what's wrong?" I shook my head and Haymitch whispered, "Uh…I'll leave the two of you to talk." He left and I was shaking.

I turned to face him and I wiped my tears from my eyes, "Peeta...if you want to leave me one day, you must just tell me." He frowned, "Katniss, the whole reason I proposed to you is because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I shook my head, "But I'm not good enough for you and I never will be. You're so good and kind and you think of others and I can't. It's not natural for me. We're so different and you deserve so much more than I can give you."  
Peeta smiled and took my hands in his, "Katniss…you're everything to me. You always have been and you have _nothing_ to worry about. I suppose only time will tell you how much I love you. But there's no point in worrying about the future before it's even happened. I'm not leaving you until you want me gone. So that's that. Stop torturing yourself like this ok? We protect each other remember?" I nodded and sighed, "I know," I kissed him on the cheek and he smiled again, "I'll let you get ready," I murmured. He nodded and watched me leave the bathroom. I still didn't feel like I deserved him.

 _A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for the wonderful reviews! All the positive feedback has really inspired me to keep going with this one! I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
Side note: This is my first time writing a story in first person. All my other fics have been in third person. I know Chapter 1 I switched a lot, but since then I'm making a concerted effort to write in first person. I might make a mistake every now and again but I am re-reading before posting so it shouldn't happen too often! Thanks for the constructive criticism. Much appreciated!_


	7. Toxic

We finally pulled into the capitol at 1pm. I clasped Peeta's hand, and a porter who had been sent on the train to feed us, took control of our baggage. I'd decided to wear my most comfortable jeans again and I wore a green cardigan. Peeta was also wearing understated clothing-jeans and a beige sweater. I whispered to him as the porter put three bags of luggage into a car that Effie had sent to us, "I don't like the feeling of being back here."

Peeta nodded and whispered back, "Neither do I. But we better suck is up." I bit the inside of my mouth as we hopped into the back of the car. The driver turned around and introduced himself, "Hi, my name is Phillip. I'm Effie's personal chauffer." I nodded and Peeta shook his hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Phillip." I smiled at him in thanks for speaking on behalf of the both of us, and Haymitch hopped in the front seat.

I was grateful that the windows were tinted. Effie really had thought of everything! It meant people were less able to see me. Peeta rubbed my shoulder and I sighed as he said, "Everything will be ok." I wanted to believe him. Finally, we got to a large, cottage styled house with white washed walls. The garden was quaint and it seemed to unlike Effie. It seemed to be one of the few un-ruined inner buildings in the capitol. All the others we'd gotten a glimpse at through the tinted windows seemed to have been bombed and run down from the war.

I clutched Peeta's hand tighter as we stepped outside the house, not sure if I was ready for this. Phillip took our luggage out and I said to him, "You don't have to do that." He smiled at me sadly, "For you, Katniss Everdeen, I'd do anything." I forced a smile, not sure how to react to that.  
Then I saw a dressed up figure I knew only too well. She was wearing a black jump suit which was pretty simple for her, but still extravagant for me-and she wore extremely tall black high heels to match. Effie came running down the stairs and grinning broadly she gasped, "Katniss! Peeta! Haymitch! Oh how I've missed you all so dearly!" She embraced Haymitch in a tight embrace first before she moved to us. She kissed Peeta on both cheeks first and then she moved to me. Her smile faded slightly as she said slightly less dramatically, "Oh Katniss, how's my girl on fire been?" I forced a smile, "I've been better, and I've been worse." Effie shrugged, "That's a more positive response than the one I was expecting so that's a start." I decided to hide my ring finger and the easiest way to do that was by holding Peeta's hand, so I did.

Effie smiled, "Well, I have a bit of a surprise for you. Your mother has been living with me!" I widened my eyes in disbelief, not sure if I was feeling like this was a good surprise or a bad surprise. I forced a smile though, "That's good news Effie, thanks! Is she home?" Effie shook her head, "Not now. She's at the hospital tending to those who survived the war but sustained life threatening emergencies." I nodded, "And you?" Effie shrugged, "I'm making clothes for the homeless. Simple outfits of course, but simple is better than nothing." I beamed, "Effie that's wonderful! I'm really proud of you!" She looked like she might just tear up, "Thank you my dear. Come, let's get you inside! It's not safe to linger out here."

We followed her up the steps and onto the porch. She opened the grand wooden door and I stopped mid-step and scowled. Gale was standing by a window and I whispered to Peeta, "Let's get out of here. I _knew_ this was a bad idea." Gale said to me, "Hello Katniss. Hello Peeta." His voice was stiff and he wasn't being himself. I didn't even know who he really was any more to be honest. I turned my back to him and made as if to head out when Peeta nodded, "Hello Gale. What are you doing here?"  
I turned my head over my back and spat, "Yes, I might ask you the same question!" He wouldn't look at me as he said, "President Paylor has said that I should protect Effie when she goes and gives clothes to the poor. I live here with her and your mother." I felt like I had just walked right into a trap. I said loudly to Peeta, "Come. We're leaving! I'd rather live in Snows mansion than stay in this room for another second!"

I left the room angrily and stormed onto the porch, huffing and puffing. I knew Peeta had followed me and I said heatedly, "She _knows_ I want NOTHING to do with HIM! What is he doing here? I can't stand him! I HATE him!" I screamed. There was silence all around us as Peeta enveloped me in his embrace and I sobbed into his shoulder, "Katniss…Katniss…it's ok. Just ignore him."  
However, at that moment, Peeta froze and he removed his arms from my waist. I frowned and he looked lost. He turned back into the house and suddenly I heard yelling. I ran inside and found him throwing books at Gale from one of Effie's living room bookshelves. I panicked and ran over to him, "Peeta…Peeta…it's ok. It's _not_ real." Although, even as I said it, I wondered what wasn't real. Either way, I knew what I had to do to get him to stop.  
He was about to throw another book when I grabbed his face and said loudly, "Peeta! Look at me!" He did and his eyes were in a frenzy of anger. I sighed, "Peeta…whatever it is, it's _not_ real." Peeta raised his eyebrows sarcastically, "So he's not in love with you and he isn't a threat to me?" I swallowed hard and whispered, "No. He's not. In truth, he never was."

Peeta visibly relaxed and I smiled as he fell into my arms. I looked at Effie and she looked terrified. Of course, she had never seen Peeta in this state before. Haymitch whispered to her, "Get them to their accommodations now. And get used to it." She nodded and came and stood awkwardly beside us as I let Peeta go. Effie smiled, "I'll show you to your rooms now." I thanked her she led us through the hallways and kitchen to a glass door which led into a garden.

The garden seemed to have smaller lodge buildings and Effie explained , "This road was a road full of bed and breakfast type of housings. Lots of people have moved into them while renovations are being done on the lost buildings." She showed us to a lodge and she opened the door for us. It looked like a mini version of the bigger house- white washed walls, all very plain and simple neutral colored décor. There was a mini kitchen in the left hand corner and Effie smiled, "The fridge is stocked and there is a bathroom to your left over here." She showed us a bathroom that led off the bedroom, which also connected to the kitchen. It was very small, but it was big enough for the both of us."  
I smiled, "Thank you Effie. For all of your help." Peeta was still sweating but he nodded, "Yes, thank you. I'm sorry…about that. Just…" Effie shook her head and placed a hand gently on his shoulder, "Peeta, you really don't have to explain yourself dear. I'm just happy you made it out alive in one piece." Peeta smiled weakly, "Thank you Effie. I think I just need to go and sleep."

She nodded and I watched him lie down on the bed as I asked, "Do you need anything Peeta?" He shook his head and smiled, "No Katniss. Thanks." He smiled lazily at me and I nodded as I watched him drift off. We closed the sliding door and Effie whispered to me, "Is that what the capitol did to him?" I nodded and said sadly, "He usually gets set off in dreams. Something he dreams about will trigger it. Or, I think in this instance, the capitol must have show Gale as threatening and seeing Gale again was too much for him."

Effie sighed, "He's lucky he has you to care for him so much." I shook my head, "I'm lucky to have him. I have my moments too, as you know." Effie smiled and whispered, "Would you come and speak to Gale. I think it would be easier without Peeta around." I sighed, "I don't really want to Effie. He…his idea…killed…" I swallowed again and Effie smiled softly, "I know, dear. But I think he _needs_ to talk about it, for his sake."  
I suddenly felt exhausted too-emotionally exhausted- and I sighed, "Effie, I think I'm actually going to go and join Peeta, if you don't mind? Wake me if my mother is here please?" Effie nodded, "Of course, sweetheart. Sleep well." I nodded and went to do and lie down on the bed next to Peeta. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and he automatically pulled me closer.

 _Gale's P.O.V:_

I looked at them through the glass sliding doors and shook my head. Effie had just told me that Katniss didn't want to speak to me right now. Would she _ever_ want to speak to me again? I knew she thought I was selfish in my decision, and maybe I was. I didn't _mean_ to hurt her sister though, how could she not see that?!

And seeing the two of them sleeping next to each other like that made me feel ill. She was smiling in her sleep, and so was he. Didn't she realize that the _only_ reason they were together was because they had no other choice? However, with her and me it had always been a choice to be friends. No one had forced us to be friends. I'd always felt more for her than that anyway. And at times, I'd thought she felt the same way.

I couldn't fathom what made her choose Peeta over me, when it was finally her turn to make that decision. I could have gone to district 12 when the war ended, but her mother and Effie had both insisted on Peeta going. I knew Katniss's mother, and she was never vocal about anything, but she had been vocal about me staying here. She'd even shouted at me. I don't think Katniss has even heard her own mother shout before.

But I knew Ivy secretly wanted me to end up with her daughter. Or at least she had, before Prim. Maybe, like Katniss, that had been her deciding factor. I felt like such a failure and I felt like I could never let that down. Katniss would always remember. Her mother would always remember. I felt like I had lost even more family.

I jumped when someone tapped me on the shoulder. Ivy had returned from nursing and she smiled at me, "I see Katniss and Peeta are back, Gale." I nodded awkwardly, "Yes Mrs Everdeen." She smiled, "Gale, how many times must I tell you to call me Ivy?" I shrugged and murmured, "Too often." She nodded and sighed, "How is my daughter?"  
I wasn't sure how to answer that. I felt awkward as I glanced at the floor, "Uh…she didn't take seeing me too well. She kind of lost it." Her mother sighed and whispered, "Give her time. She will come around." I shook my head, "Will she? She's so stubborn." Ivy shrugged, "We'll see. She can't ignore you forever. And how's Peeta?"  
I shrugged, "He threw a bunch of books at me. Told me I was threatening him and Katniss. Katniss said something about it not being real. I think it was a 'memory' the capitol fed him." Ivy sighed again, "Poor boy. I just worry that this might be a toxic relationship. I worry that she will become too dependent on him. And if something ever had to happen to him again…" I nodded, "I think everyone else thinks the same thing." Ivy shrugged, "But if she's happy, that's the main thing. She deserves happiness more than anyone else I know." I hated to say I agreed with her on that last comment, but I wasn't necessarily agreeing that her happiness relied on Peeta Mallark.

 _A/N: Hi All! So I just felt like writing from Gale's P.O.V so I can understand what he's thinking. I thought some people might like to read it. Please let me know what you think? I might not do it all the time, this might just be a once off, but it depends on how you guys feel about it? Also I researched and it appears we never find out Katniss's mother's name so I'm naming her Ivy for this story. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!_


	8. Mark my words

When I woke up, the sun was setting. I looked at the clock next to our bed and it read 7pm. I had just slept for seven hours? I didn't think I was _that_ exhausted. I climbed off the bed, because it appeared Peeta was up and that made me nervous. I walked into the main house, where Effie and my mother appeared to be cooking dinner. I whispered, "Hi mom." She jumped and turned to face me. She smiled and opened her arms, "Katniss…" I ran to her, not realizing how much I'd missed her, until now. She squeezed me and sighed, "I'm so relieved you made it out of that war alive! I really didn't think you would."  
I wasn't sure what to say about that, because I knew if anyone should have made it out alive, it should have been Prim. I joked, "I'm just as surprised as you, mom." She nodded and said, "Well, I'm only here for dinner. Once that's done I'm back to the hospital." I frowned, "You work night shifts too?" My mom shrugged, "Sometimes. When they need me." I nodded, "And you're enjoying it?" She smiled, "Yes. I love it." I smiled again, "Well…that's good to know."  
I suddenly felt awkward. This was more than we usually said to each other, on any occasion. So I asked, "Where's Peeta?" Effie answered, "He's in the living room, talking to Gale." I sighed and shook my head and forced myself to walk inside. Haymitch was there and they were all talking in hushed tones. As soon as Peeta saw me, he jumped up from a light green couch and came and embraced me as he whispered, "Should we tell them?" I smiled and nodded, "Ok…I guess now is a good a time as any."  
Peeta smiled and turned to Gale and Haymitch, "I think we should all go into the kitchen. Katniss and I have an announcement to make." My heart was suddenly beating heavily and I felt extremely nervous. I didn't know how my mother would react to this. I held Peeta's hand and he smiled at me encouragingly and whispered, "Don't worry, I'll do all the talking." I smiled at him thankfully.

We reached the kitchen and Peeta said to everyone, "Mrs Everdeen, Effie, I have an announcement to make." The five of us were gathered in the small kitchen and Effie turned away from the stove and asked, "What is it?" Peeta looked at my mother and she nodded as he said, "Well…Katniss and I are engaged." Effie yelled in excitement, almost knocking the pot over. My mother smiled weakly and Haymitch clapped, again. Effie ran over to me and hugged me tightly, "I'm so happy for the two of you! Wedding arrangements must be made! Katniss, I can make your dress. Of course, I won't be nearly as good as Cinna, but I can do my best. Oh how exciting!" As she hugged me, I looked over her shoulder nervously to Gale. His face was stone cold and I glanced away quickly. I knew my decision to be with Peeta was the right one, and I didn't need Gale to affirm it.

When they were finished congratulating us, we went to go and sit on the porch swing outside. I said to Peeta, "My mother didn't seem very surprised." He shrugged and smiled, "I might have told slash asked her when you were sleeping. I think it's only polite." I was surprised, "And she was fine with it?" He shrugged, "She didn't say no. She just said, "As long as Katniss is happy, I'm happy." I rolled my eyes, "I've never heard her be so concerned for my happiness." Peeta sighed, "She does love you, Katniss. In her own, funny way, she does."

I shrugged my shoulders, "As long as she didn't say no, that's the main thing." I rested my head on his shoulder and we were quiet for a while. Then suddenly, I felt a gun being pressed into the side of my neck. I froze and turned to look and see who it was. A person I didn't know was glaring at me angrily and they whispered, "You're the mockingjay?" I clutched Peeta's hand firmly and he turned to see what was going on. He yelled, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" This person had yellow eyes where they should be white, and looked deranged. My first thought was, 'He must be a Snow supporter.' He was very well dressed, even though he looked like he hadn't showered in a week.

The stranger said quietly, "Lift your hands up." I did as I was told and the stranger said, "Mallark, don't say a word or come any closer, or I will shoot your girlfriend once and for all. She should have died a long time ago." For some reason, I didn't feel nervous. It wasn't the first time I'd had a gun aimed at me. Peeta spat, "What do you want?" The guy smirked and replied, "Money. I'm sure between the two of you, you have lots of it." I shook my head, "We don't. We were never given money from the capitol." The guy, whoever he was, shrugged, "Well…I'm sure your boyfriend can source some if he wants you back alive." I turned to Peeta, who had gone as white as a sheet. I whispered to him, "Don't do anything stupid. Just get this guy his money." Peeta asked, "How much?" At that moment, Gale came out onto the porch. I sighed in relief when I saw that he was holding a gun and he yelled at the stranger, "What are you doing?!"

This guy ran forward and grabbed me, pulling me down the front steps. He turned me around to face Peeta and Gale, and he had his arm around my neck, the gun pointing to my forehead. Peeta looked like he wanted to do something, but there was nothing he could do. He just stared at me, wide eyed and terrified. The stranger said, "Now, lover boy, you go and find me that cash. I will be waiting here with your girlfriend." I yelled at him, "Kill me! Just kill me and get it done with! I deserve to die anyway, like you said. What you really want is me dead!" I heard the gun click and I squeezed my eyes shut as the man said laughed crazily, "Such brave words from such a small and insignificant little girl."

Then I heard the gun go off and I collapsed to the pavement.

I woke up and my head was pounding. I couldn't remember anything, but I felt someone's hand in my own. I also heard whispering. I slowly opened my eyes to find Peeta sitting beside me, and my mother was with him. He sighed in relief when he saw I was awake and I frowned, "Peeta…what happened?" He sighed and shook his head. He turned to look at my mother who shrugged her shoulders, "The two of you went outside, to sit on the front porch, and I'm afraid, someone attacked you." I frowned and then the memory came flooding back, "He had a gun?" Peeta nodded and my mom sighed, "I knew it wouldn't be safe for you to come back yet. I told Effie to tell you that. Did she?" I nodded and Peeta sighed, "It was my decision to come back, but Katniss didn't want to be alone in District 12 with Haymitch." My mother nodded, "Well that was a wise decision on your part, Katniss. I wouldn't want you to stay there all by yourself." She gave Peeta a funny look though, which I couldn't decipher. I don't know why, but I got the feeling my mother didn't particularly like Peeta.

I sighed as I tried to get up. Peeta stood up and gently pushed my head back down, "Katniss, you hit the pavement really hard. That guy shoved you and you're slightly concuss. You need to rest." My mother nodded and whispered, "I'll leave you two alone." I smiled at her weakly and Peeta thanked her for her help.  
Once she had left, he climbed on the bed next to me and sighed, "I got the fright of my life when you said you deserved to die. Don't ever say that again." I frowned, "I said that? I don't remember." Peeta shook his head, "Luckily Gale heard me shout and came running. He…shot the guy." I scowled and looked away from him. I didn't believe in killing unless it was absolutely necessary. I grumbled, "Gale has become far too trigger happy for my liking." Peeta sighed in frustration, "He did it to save your life! The guy was going to kill you."  
I rolled my eyes, "Then Gale should have let him." Peeta was quiet and he paused stroking my hair. He said seriously, "Katniss, you don't really mean that, do you?" I bit my lip and turned onto my side, away from him and I said nothing. I had Peeta, but I still felt like something was missing, and of course it was. Prim was missing. And she always would be.

 _Gale_ 's _P.O.V:_

I was watching TV in the living room when Peeta came in. I asked, "How is she doing?" He shrugged and sighed, shaking his head, "She…she's been better." I frowned, "Well apart from the blow to the head, I mean." Peeta stared unseeingly at the floor and whispered, "You can't tell anyone, ok?" I nodded. This didn't sound like a good thing. Peeta sighed and shook his head, "When the guy had the gun to her throat, she told him that he should go ahead and shoot her because she deserves to die."

I frowned, "And…?" Peeta continued, "Now when I was talking to her, I reminded her of it. She didn't seem to remember. But anyway, she told me that she had meant what she said." I froze in the midst of muting the volume coming from the TV. I asked warily, "Are you saying she's suicidal?" Peeta shrugged, "I don't know. What I do know is Prim's death has hit her harder than anyone else's. It's been like a pile up of them and then Prim was the cherry on the cake." He clutched his hands in his hair because he was so stressed. He sighed, "I don't know how I can make things better for her." I shrugged, "Maybe let me talk to her? Talk some sense to her? She's always listened to me." Peeta rolled his eyes, "I think you're the last person on earth who can "talk some sense to her." I scowled, "Someone has to try!" I said irritably. Peeta stood up angrily, "And you think I _didn't_?"

I shrugged and let him fume. That's when Ivy and Effie walked in from the kitchen with Haymitch. Haymitch looked at me and said, "Can I have a word?" I nodded and followed him to the back garden. He turned to me and said in a hushed tone, "Listen, Gale, I know you have feelings for Katniss. But I think you should just accept that they're getting married. If things start going…haywire in their relationship, I'll be pointing the fingers at you."

I frowned and said irritably, "I just want her to speak to me. Is that too much to ask?" Haymitch shook his head, "No. But don't expect anything more." I rolled my eyes, "Why are you and everyone else so protective of her? Can't she make her own decisions?" Haymitch smirked, "Well you see, I'm protective because in the last few years she's become something like family to me. She even told me right after they got engaged that it was the first _proper_ decision she's made on her own in the last four years. And not only that, but she also said it's the first decision she's ever made with her heart."

I scowled and shook my head, "I still think it's a mistake." Haymitch shrugged, "And you probably always will. But mark my words, Gale, don't get yourself involved. It's a good way to ensure that she will never speak to you again." I bit my inner lip and said nothing as Haymitch walked away from me. I stare at Katnis through the glass doors of her lodging. She had opened her eyes and was watching me curiously. I glanced around. Effie, Ivy and Haymitch all had their backs to me and were finishing up dinner in the main house. I turned towards Katniss and slid open the door. It was time to talk.


	9. I promise

I woke up when I heard voices talking outside. I strained my ears to hear whose voices they were and then I realized it was Haymitch and Gale. Haymitch was saying, "She's become something like family to me…" I smiled and in a sense he had. He was a bit of a father figure in a way. I couldn't hear anything else they were saying.

It was a short conversation, and when it was over, Gale turned towards me and I stared at him curiously. He walked towards me and my hands tightened into balls. I didn't want him near me, but like my mother said, at some point or other we needed to talk.

He entered the room and I suddenly felt so small. I'd forgotten how tall he was. Maybe that was why I used to feel safe around him. I don't know the reason but he was no longer the person I used to be best friends with. He walked in and seemed too big to be in this small space.

I sat up slowly and he walked closer to me, eventually sitting down in the chair next to me where Peeta had been sitting earlier. He sighed and shook his head as he asked, "How did we come this far apart?" I frowned. That was a strange opening line to begin with. I rolled my eyes, "Gale, you know very well how we came this far. I don't want to talk about it." He stared at me and shook his head, "There must be some way we can…move on." I laughed, "You made damn well sure there wasn't." He's face grew sad and I remembered the last time we'd tried speaking. I'd asked him to come to Snows' mansion and I'd asked if it was his idea to form a human shield around the place. He'd admitted that it was and I felt a shiver go down my spine. I'd seen tears in his eyes then.

I frowned, "You regret it, I know. You should. You should regret suggesting that to Coin for the rest of your life. It doesn't change things. It doesn't bring my sister back. So unless you find out how to change death…" I shrugged my shoulders and Gale shook his head, "I hardly think that's fear, Katniss. Look at all the other death's that happened because of Snow, especially Finnick and Cinna. I know how much they meant to you too. Are you blaming those deaths on me? No. But I feel like you're angrier with me for an _idea_ than you were about Snow for those deaths. Why?"  
I stared at him and whispered, "Because it made you level with Snow. It made you just as bad as him. You may be able to kill without thinking, Gale, but that's not me." He stared at me just as harshly and sighed, "There's really nothing I can do?" I shrugged, "Only bringing my sister back. And even then I would never trust you again. I asked you to protect my family. It wasn't a lot to ask. And you failed miserably."

Gale stood up then, obviously unable to take any more personal criticism. As he walked out the door he turned to me and said, "There's one more thing I want to say. I get that Prim's death has hurt you, but you can't let it control the rest of your life for you and the decisions you make because of it. Like for example, marrying Peeta over me." I glared at him and yelled, "I think you'll find, Gale, that I LOVE Peeta FAR MORE than I ever loved you! If you so much as tell me how to live my life again, I might just pull that gun on you!"

Gale looked shocked and then was about to turn out of the house when he ran into Peeta. Peeta was staring at him with such intense dislike on his face which I'd never seen before. He whispered quietly, "I think you should leave, now." I hadn't even realized I'd stood up in the middle of my anger and now my head was throbbing. I heard the door close as I got back onto the bed. Peeta sighed as he sat down next to me. Without saying a word, he bundled me up close to him and let me cry into his shirt. I cried for a while, and eventually I fell back asleep.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I climbed on the bed and the clicked a button on the bedside table which automatically closed the curtains for us. I couldn't _believe_ the audacity Gale had to come in here and talk to her even after Haymitch had warned him not to. He'd obviously said something that had set Katniss off. I understood that Gale maybe found it difficult not to still have feelings for her, even though he knew he had no shot at being with her. I knew that might be hurtful. But I still didn't like it.

I would respect him if I were in his shoes. If our roles were reversed and I'd been the one who'd decided to form a human shield at the cost of ending the war. I would bow out willingly if I knew that I had no shot with Katniss-I thought this way for a very long time. Sometimes I still did think this way, even with an engagement ring on her finger. I just didn't understand why Gale wouldn't respect me and Katniss. Did he think I wasn't good enough for her? It was always my worst fear. Maybe I needed to man up and be stronger than her? Maybe I needed to change. She was obviously very fragile right now, emotionally at least. One of us had to be the stronger one.

I glanced down at her, sleeping peacefully. I could watch her sleep forever. She was so much more relaxed asleep than when she was awake. She was almost…smiling. I smiled and shook my head, deciding there and then that I needed to change, that I needed to man up, so that I could protect her better than she's protected me over the years.

A sudden painful memory washed over me. It was of the first time I had ever interacted with her-when I had tossed the bread to her in the mud. A voice inside my head said, ' _You should have just given it to the pig. Saved yourself the trouble. Saved yourself the heartbreak. She's not worth it._ ' I shook my head furiously to diminish the voice. It scared me when that happened. The voice was Ceaser Flickerman's. They'd often used him to come and torture me with fake memories. I supposed President Snow had been too busy trying to kill Katniss at the time.

I sighed and lay down on the bed beside her. I whispered to her softly, even though she wouldn't hear me, "I promise to protect you for the rest of my life, Katniss Everdeen." She smiled and I almost wondered if she _had_ heard me. Then she snuggled closer and I circled my arms around her waist. I was going to learn how to fight, and fight properly so that I could keep this promise. I'd hated that feeling of not being able to do anything and just watch that man hold a gun to her. I lay my head down on the pillow and kissed her cheek softly. Her eyelids fluttered open and I instantly felt guilty for waking her up.

She smiled, "Hey," she whispered. I smiled back, "Sorry for waking you." Katniss shrugged, "I was only semi asleep anyway." I nodded, "I just…" I didn't even know why I had woken her up, to be honest. I shook my head, "Never mind. Go back to sleep." Katniss frowned and then snaked her arms around my neck and pushed her fingers into my hair. She whispered, "I love you." I smiled and she pressed her lips firmly against mine. I sighed and she whispered, "We haven't had a good make out session in a while." I chuckled, "It's been a day. Maybe a day and a half since we got off the train." Katniss blushed, "Yes. It feels like a while though." I shook my head, "I never thought you'd be the one to take the lead in this area." She began unbuttoning my shirt. For some reason, she'd taken a new interest in seeing me with my shirt off ever since I had gotten out of the shower on our last day in District 12. It was certainly something that made me feel a little more confident.

 _A/N: Hi All! Thanks so much for such positive feedback! It really means a lot to me! Here's another chapter for you! Hope you enjoy!_


	10. Not the girl I used to Know

When I woke up the next day, I found Peeta gone. There was a note beside my bed which read:

 _Dear Katniss_

 _I've gone to go and help Effie hand out clothes and food supplies to those who were affected by the war. I ask you to please stay here and keep out of trouble. Gale has stayed with you for protection. Effie said help yourself to food and drink. I think President Paylor might be expecting a visit from you soon. I'll be seeing you shortly._

 _Stay safe_

 _All my love_

 _Peeta_

I groaned into my pillow. What an awful day it was going to be if I only had Gale for company! I sighed and shook my head before having a long shower and getting dressed. I wore jeans again with a tank top. It was fairly warm outside.

I went into the main house to get breakfast and found Gale standing at the island counter, eating. He glanced up when he heard me open the door and said, "Good morning," through a mouthful of cereal. I nodded and grabbed my own cereal. I had cornflakes, simple and easy. I'd become used to living off simple food while in District 13.

Gale said to me, "President Paylor might be expecting a visit from you today." I frowned and replied, "I know. Peeta left me a note. Why does she want to see me so urgently?" Gale shrugged, "I suppose because she wants to speak to you about what is to come in the future." I felt irritated by this but I couldn't say I was surprised. I shrugged, "When are we going?" Gale gave me a small smile, "Right after breakfast."

I sighed and nodded. It was the last thing I felt like, but then again it was better than being around Gale alone. He told me, "Your car is here, so I suggest you eat quickly." I rolled my eyes but did as I was told. I didn't have any more energy left in me in to argue about something so small and pitiful. We walked out of the house and locked up as soon as I was finished.

I felt terrified about going to President Snow's old mansion, even if he did no longer exist. If Peeta was here, I would feel slihgtly better about it. When we arrived at the manor, Gale told the guard his name and he let us through the gates. I smiled nervously as Phillip said to me, "President Paylor has been looking forward to meeting you again." I didn't know what to say. Peeta was always the one with words. I just nodded, "Thank you."

Once we parked, Gale opened the door for me. I climbed out of the car and gazed up at the beautifully hideous mansion in which so many awful decisions had been made. I made my way up the front steps as the doors opened for me and President Paylor walked out. She wore a plain outfit-knee length high wasted skirt and a tucked in blouse. She smiled at me warmly and opened her arms to me, "Ah, Katniss! I'm so pleased you're finally here."  
I hugged her and replied, "I'm only here because Peeta wanted to come here." She smiled, "Naturally, naturally. Nonetheless I'm grateful to you for making the trip. Please, come inside." I hesitantly walked in and felt nauseous. I couldn't smell the flowers, but they were still prominent in the house. This whole place reeked of Snow-literally and figuratively.  
I scowled as we walked through the main dining hall and into the president's office. Paylor seemed unperturbed by any resemblance or aura there might have been indicating any remains of Snow. She sat comfortably behind the desk and asked me, "Katniss, want some tea? Anything to eat?" I shook my head and she smiled, turning to her staff, "Please, wait outside. Everyone." She looked at her entourage, who nodded and left.

I felt so uncomfortable sitting opposite the desk where Snow had sat and issued his orders. I glanced up at the president once she had sat down and she smiled warmly to me. She said gently, "Now Katniss, I know how much you've been through in the last four years. You've sacrificed so much for our nation! If there's anything I can do, ever, please don't hesitate to ask." I shook my head, "No…I mean, all I want is my sister back and alive…and we both know I can't have that so…" I smiled at her bleakly.  
Paylor sighed, "Katniss…she died for a good cause." I felt myself getting emotional, "I just don't know how she ended up there! Did Coin put her there on purpose to ruin me?!" I asked angrily. Paylor looked at me sympathetically, "I don't know. And we will probably never know. But you've got to forgive yourself, Katniss. You're blaming yourself and its eating you up." I frowned, "How do you know I'm blaming myself?"  
Paylor glanced down at her desk and replied, "Peeta…has sent me letters." I rolled my eyes and couldn't believe he was communicating with her! I thought he was telling me _everything_. I faked a laugh, "Oh yeah? And what else have you been talking about? Did you persuade him to come here and help?" She wouldn't look at me and I sighed, "You did, didn't you?" She nodded, "It was the only way to get you here, Katniss. I knew he'd want to help, after the capitol forced him to do things against his will, I knew he'd want to give back to the community. And I hoped that you would want to come with."

I scowled, "I didn't come here to help the nation. I'm not interested in running for president. I made that very clear to Peeta." She nodded, "I know. But there are people who need you." I shook my head, "That's where you're wrong, President Paylor. Nobody needs me. In fact, I got attacked yesterday by some capitol supporter who held a gun to my head. He definitely didn't want me alive." She seemed surprised by this news, "Oh…I'm sorry Katniss! We will issue more security around Effie's house then." I shook my head, "No. That's not what I want. But my point is I don't think I'm in too much favor with many capitol citizens right now, and I don't think they want me running their government, besides which I don't want to."  
Paylor sighed, "Well, if you ever change your mind and feel like you want to make a difference…let me know. I know that thousands are more than supportive of you." I nodded, "Thank you but no thank you. I just need some peace." She stood up and I did the same. But she said, "One more thing. I've opened a bank account for you and one for Peeta. I'll pay you $100 000 a year for the rest of your lives for everything you have done for us. Even if you decide not to join the government, your opinion, dedication and sacrifices will always be remembered." I smiled a genuine smile to her, "Thank you, President Paylor! You really didn't have to do that." She shook her head, "Not at all. These are you bank cards. And here are the details." She handed me two slips of details on them. One had my name on and one had Peeta's name. I hugged her and thanked her again. She smiled, "Anytime."

I left the room and found Gale outside. He was chatting to a pretty brunette girl who looked familiar. At a closer look, I realized she was the pretty news reporter girl I'd seen on TV a few weeks ago. I couldn't remember her name though. I walked up to them and said, "Hey, Gale. Who's your friend?" She looked embarrassed and he smiled, "This is Rosemary. She's a news reporter." I held out my hand, "Yes, I've seen you! You did the coverage on who was going to be the next president. Well I can certainly tell you, it's not going to be me!"

Her eyes bugged wide and Gale smiled, "Katniss hasn't fully made that decision yet." I rolled my eyes and snapped, " _Actually_ , Katniss has!" I forced a smile, "Don't speak for me, Gale," I said almost dangerously. Then I turned to Rosemary, "It was lovely to meet you. Sorry you have to see me on a bad day! Good luck with your career and everything!" I stormed out of the room, leaving Gale speechless behind me in my wake.

 _Gale's P.O.V:_

Rosemary frowned, "Wow…you certainly know how to pick them, don't you Gale?" I sighed and shook my head, "Clearly Paylor hasn't managed to convince her to change her mind." Rose shrugged, "I think there's only one person who could convince her from the sounds of things." I rolled my eyes, "Peeta?" I asked sarcastically. She nodded, "Of course, Peeta. Who else? She loves him. Love is a very powerful thing. Don't underestimate it, Gale."

At that moment, President Paylor walked through the doors of her office. She nodded in agreement, "Rosemary is right. Stop bothering Katniss with this, Gale. Let her gain your trust back. Maybe in time, you can convince her. But for now, the future of Panem lies in the hands of Peeta Mallark." I almost rolled my eyes at the irony of her statement. I had thought the _exact_ opposite not two days ago. I grumbled, "Oh the irony!" Paylor glanced at me, "What's ironic? It's true." I shrugged, "Maybe, because it really lies in the hands of Katniss, who is so obsessed with Mallark that she can't see past him. It's the most sickening thing to watch." Rosemary chuckled, "Sounds like somebody's jealous!" I scowled, "I just don't like the puppy dog persona she adopts whenever she's around him. It's pathetic. And it's not Katniss." Paylor shrugged, "Maybe it is, Gale. Love changes people. She's not the same, wounded girl who thought she'd never see him again at the beginning of the war. She's in love with him. It's easy to see, even though he's not around. Her world revolves around him. It's fairly normal."  
I was hearing her words but I wasn't listening. There was no way the strong girl I knew had turned into a love struck teenager. Rosemary and Paylor just didn't get it! I rolled my eyes and replied, "If you say so, President Paylor. I better get going back to the house to protect her." Rosemary kissed my cheek, which she had been doing an awful lot recently, and she smiled at me, "See you soon, soldier," and she gave me a wink.  
I liked Rosemary, but not enough to win me over. I was still stuck on Katniss. I hopped into the car which had been waiting for me and I endured a horribly long, silent ride home. When we got there, I thanked Phillip and opened the door for her. As we entered the house, I saw Katniss's expression drop when she called Peeta's name and there was no response. I felt like gagging. It had been hard enough watching her trying to accept him when he joined us during the war. It was even harder now watching her become besotted with him. The problem was…I didn't mind him as a person. But the fact that she had fallen for him over me, was what truly got to me. I thought that once the war was over, they would be over. I distanced myself from her and went to go and sit outside on the porch step with my gun.

 _A/N: Thanks everybody again for the great feedback! As always, suggestions are more than welcome. Also, Johanna will be making an appearance soon! There may be some tension between her and Katniss, but I'm not going to give away why! Also am I writing too much from Gale's P.O.V/ or Peeta's P.O.V? Let me know please, but I have had fun writing from a male perspective! This is also a first for me and it's always exciting trying new things!_


	11. You saved me

It was a long and dreary day. I picked up a book off Effie's bookshelf entitled, " _Me Before You_ " by _Jojo Moyes_. It seemed light hearted. I wasn't much of a reader, but if I was going to sit in the house all day, I might as well find a way to preoccupy myself. I read for two hours, when they finally arrived home. As soon as Peeta walked in, I ran at him and embraced him tightly, "I missed you," I whispered. He smiled and held me close, "I missed you too!"  
Effie smiled at us, "Peeta is a very brave, young man Katniss. There was an ex-capitol supporter who was sort of like the crazy one who wanted to shoot you. He wanted more food than I could give him, so he started attacking me, and threatening me. Peeta saw what was going on, ran up to the guy, and punched him in the face. I think the guy was drunk, poor fellow. He went out cold instantly." I smiled, "You did that? For Effie?" Peeta shrugged and released me, "I had to do something." I kissed his cheek and snuggled into his chest.

Then I remembered why we were here, "I had an interesting visit with President Paylor this morning." Peeta looked ashamed immediately and whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to force you into anything, but she wanted to see you, regardless. I take it you still said no?" I nodded and sighed, "I'm sorry. I just don't feel like I'm fit to run a country! I can't do the speeches and I'm no good at saving people." Peeta shook his head, "That's where you're wrong. You saved me."  
I blushed as Gale came in and I hid my face in Peeta's chest as I sighed happily, "I'm just so glad to have you home." I stood there for maybe too long and Gale cleared his throat, "Peeta…you said you want to practice defending yourself?" He nodded and my head snapped up, "You did?!" I didn't know if I liked that. I didn't want him getting hurt. I felt overly protective of him all of a sudden. I shook my head, "No! There's no reason for him to! He's protected himself perfectly fine. He did so for two lots of Hunger Games!"  
Gale rolled his eyes, "Forgive me Katniss, but that was mostly _you_ protecting _him_. Remember? In the first lot, he got his leg almost torn off, and in round two a force shield nearly killed him. Besides, it's his decision." Peeta released me, "Yeah, it is, Katniss." I scowled, "Ok, well with what weapons? And what targets? It's not like we have the equipment we had to train in the arena with." Gale responded, "We'll aim swords and arrows at a tree. I have a stash left over from the war."  
I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Fine, but I'm coming to watch." Gale huffed irritably and I followed them outside. It was mostly sword fighting and throwing arrows as he said. I jumped off the steps of the main house when there was a knock on the back door. It was Johanna! Her hair had grown back slightly, and she smiled at me. I went over to her and she embraced me, "The girl on fire is alive! Congratulations." I laughed as I shook my head, "Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I wasn't." She nodded and smirked, "I know the feeling."

She glanced over at the boys who were currently sword-fighting and she shook her head, "Will they ever put down those toys?" I shook my head, "I don't think so," and she went over to them to greet them, "Gale! Peeta!" They stopped mid fight and turned to look at her. A smile spread across Peeta's face and he hugged her instantly, "Johanna! You're looking so much better!" She kissed both his cheeks and even though it was a small action, I began to feel slightly jealous. She grinned at him, "As are you. In fact, you're looking so good I could sleep with you." My eyes bugged wide and Peeta shook his head with a wide grin on his face, "Unfortunately for you, that's never going to happen." She frowned and asked in surprised, "Oh…why would that be?" Peeta grinned at her and said proudly, "Well, Katniss and I are engaged!"  
She turned to me and rolled her eyes, "No surprises there! Congrats lovebirds!" I liked Johanna, but she _knew_ how to make me feel uncomfortable and where to poke my buttons. The memory of her undressing in the capitol lift came back to me and I felt so uncomfortable thinking about it. I went to go and stand beside Peeta, taking his hand in mine to prove a point as I said bluntly, "Thanks, Johanna." It could have been interpreted as rude, but I didn't care. She was wearing a shirt that revealed too much. It was what Peeta might think of as being 'sexy.' The middle came way too low and I caught him staring there once or twice. As if that wasn't bad enough, she wore too tight shorts also.

Johanna stayed for dinner and once I had gotten over my insecurities, it was quite nice speaking to her. She spoke about how she was doing well and how she was living in a house around the corner from us. However, I couldn't help noticing that she kept casting side long glances at Peeta. It didn't like it. It set me on edge. I responded when I was spoken to, but otherwise kept my thoughts to myself. Haymitch was unusually quiet too and I had a feeling they were hiding something from me.

When dinner ended, I offered to wash up the dishes, and so did Johanna. I frowned-she was a guest, but I went with it. We washed in silence for a bit before Johanna said, "You know…I'm really impressed that after everything you made it out alive." I laughed, "You're not the first person to tell me that." She frowned, "Oh, who was?" I replied, "My mother." She was quiet and shook her head, "Thank you, Katniss, for having faith in Peeta. If it weren't for that, I might still be there. Stuck in the dungeons with him." I cringed and shook my head, "I'm glad you made it out of there. I thought for sure Snow would find out before it was too late." Johanna nodded, "He did though, didn't he?" I nodded in return, "Yes, but he let you go. I think he did because he thought Peeta was too far gone to care about me anymore." My voice hitched and she gave me a funny glance. Then she said abruptly, "Alright, Katniss there's something you need to know and I'm tired of hiding this." I frowned and turned to face her and raised my eyebrow, "Which is?"  
Johanna shook her head, "I'm sorry about this. I really am. But I liked Peeta even _before_ we got terrorized together." I frowned, "Yes you liked him. Everyone likes him. What's your point?" She shrugged and turned to face me, "The point is, I've _always_ been attracted to him. Even before all of that. Why do you think I changed in the lift in front of him?" I didn't even have anything to say to that. I felt my heart drop in my chest, hoping she wasn't about to say that he felt the same way.

She must have read the worry etched on my face, "Don't worry, Katniss. He's madly in love with you. He always has been. That's easy to tell. But I do like him. And I'm tired pretending that I don't." I clenched the counter to try and keep myself upright. I didn't believe her. I'd seen the way he had looked at her in the elevator. I hadn't heard a word she said except her liking him. I whispered too easily, "You can have him, then. Anyone is better for him than me. And you two can understand each other." Subconsciously, I began sliding my ring off my finger. I had forgotten to take it off while washing. I placed it on the countertop and she said, "No wait! Katniss…" as I began to walk away. I froze when I heard his voice cracking, "Katniss…"

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

Katniss swiveled slowly to face me. My jaw dropped as I saw the ring I'd given her lying on the counter. She looked caved in, like she'd given up. I ran to her and took her hand, "Wha-…" I shook my head and turned her to face me. She was… _crying_. I'd never seen her cry. Maybe that one time when I'd hit the force shield and Finnick had saved my life. And she thought I was dead. But now she shook her head as angry tears gushed down her face.

I turned to Johanna and stared at her grimly. I'd heard the last snippets of what she'd said to Katniss. Something along the lines of "I'm tired of pretending I can't…" I asked her firmly, "What did you say to her?" Johanna shook her head, "I didn't say much." I rolled my eyes, grabbed the ring and pulled Katniss outside. I pulled her into our lodging and asked, "Katniss…tell me what _please_ , what did she say?" Katniss couldn't even look at me as she turned her back to me and went to go and get tissue paper in the small bathroom.

When she came back, she whispered, "Johanna…has feelings for you." I immediately grew angry about that. Johanna had told me before the Quarter Quell how she felt, even in _front_ of Katniss when she'd stripped down. I knew it was pretty obvious and afterwards she had come to me and confirmed my suspicions. I had rejected her immediately, even though she'd started kissing me. Luckily, she'd been wearing clothes at that point, but I pulled away as fast as I could. But Katniss didn't understand these things. Emotionally, she was so young. She wasn't immature, she just wasn't aware of other people's feelings like I was.

I sighed and shook my head, folding my arms, "She told me ages ago Katniss-before we went into the arena. She kissed me once…after the lift incident." Katniss gasped and the girl I loved looked at me so uncertainly and then she stared at the floor. My heart stopped for a second and I continued explaining, "I pulled away instantly though. I don't like her in _that_ way." Katniss mumbled, "But…you're so easy to love. I wouldn't blame her if she wanted you, and vice versa." I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "Katniss…why do you think I proposed to _you_ and not her? I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you something I've kept to myself."  
I sighed as I sat down on a plastic chair in the room and she sat down on the bed. I glanced on the floor between us and said, "I've never told you this because I thought it would be weird and I didn't know how you would take it. But anyway, here goes nothing. Before I even gave you the loaf of bread that was meant for the pig, I liked you." Katniss frowned and whispered, "How could you possibly feel that way if you didn't know me?" I shook my head, "I don't know. I could never understand either. But the point is, I have been attracted to you since day one. You were my first crush. And actually now that I think about it, my only crush." She blushed and it was so sweet to watch her become embarrassed about this so I continued, "I used to see you with Gale and got jealous. I used to think every time I saw you two laughing together, 'I'll never stand a chance. You're too good for me.' I think…I could be wrong, but I think you're having similar thoughts about me a lot?" She nodded, looking like she was clinging to my every word. I sighed as I continued, "Then when I found out you were kissing me in the Hunger Games was all an act…it cut me like a knife." She winced and interrupted, "I know…but that's _why_ I'm not good enough…" I shook my head and cut her off, "Just let me finish. And when I suggested that we get to know each other on the victory tour, you weren't willing but you weren't unwilling. You tried, and I thought to myself even then, 'if all we can be is friends, that is good enough for me.' I was kidding myself though. Being friends felt too difficult. We never really had been friends. We went from acquaintances to lovers in a heartbeat. And then we had to put that act on again. And then you suggested that we get engaged, I felt like I couldn't do that to you. It wasn't fair. But we had no other choice. And then when you told me you needed me on the beach in the arena…" I faulted and I shook my head before I glanced up to find her watching me intensely, "It was all I ever needed to hear. I could die happy. It made me less scared to die."

She was watching me so intensely that my heart banged profusely in my chest and I told myself in my head 'get a grip on yourself, Peeta.' I swallowed and I said, "There's one thing I need to know before we finalize this engagement and begin trusting each other properly." She asked warily, "What's that?" I stared into her bright blue eyes before saying heavily, "Was that an act? On the beach? When you said you _needed_ me?" My voice broke on the word "needed," and I felt like kicking myself.

Katniss moved closer to me, and somehow managed to sit on my lap. Her legs went through the empty spaces of the plastic chair as she kissed my lips softly, whispering against them, "It was most definitely not an act." A shiver went down my spine as she continued speaking roughly, "I've always needed you, Peeta, even when I thought I didn't. Why do you think I've fought so hard to keep you alive?" I sighed throatily and felt embarrassed, but then she pressed her lips firmly against my lips. I groaned and next thing I knew, I heard the door slide open. I turned my head around irritably to see who had interrupted us. It was Johanna Mason.

 _A/N: Hi All! So I know in the books/movies there's not anything going on between Peeta and Johanna. But I remembered the elevator scene and thought it would be fun to write as though there was. At the moment, I don't have anything other than this planned, but it was a way to spark a truly honest conversation between these two. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think! And thanks so much again for all of the positive comments and feedback! It truly makes my day!_


	12. A very good thing

I jumped off Peeta's lap the second Johanna walked in. She rolled her eyes and said with a smirk, "Oh for goodness sake Katniss! I've seen _more_ than _that_ before! You're so… _innocent_." Peeta laughed and I stared at him in irritation. He immediately looked sheepish as I folded my arms stiffly and retorted, "What do you want Johanna?" She shrugged and said, "I just want to say I'm sorry for er…giving you the wrong impression." I nodded, "Thank you for the apology."

She smiled and added, "I also would just like to add…that I would never come in the way of you two. I also meant it when I said I admire you for outliving everything Snow put you through. I hope you understand that." I nodded, "Thank you again." She smiled, "Alright then. See you guys around." She nodded at me and I forced a smile before she left the room.  
I sighed in relief and shook my head, "Well…it suddenly makes sense why _she_ disliked me so much." Peeta replied, "That's not true. She disliked the whole Mockingjay stint more than anything else." I rolled my eyes, "It's not like I _chose_ to be the Mockingjay." Peeta whispered, "I know. You did it for me." I jumped and turned to face him, "How did you…" He interrupted me before I could finish with a massive smile, "Because Haymitch told me that Plutarch told him."  
I blushed, but somehow as embarrassed as I was, it made me really happy knowing that Peeta knew I'd made this sacrifice for him. That something I had done was genuinely for him and for no one else. Well of course I'd demanded for Annie and Johanna to be released free of pardon too, but Peeta was my first port of call. I replied, "Well, it was the least I could do after everything I've put you through. And when you gave me that warning about them attacking district thirteen…" He glanced up, "You saw that?" I nodded and smiled, "We all did. A bunch of us were watching. You saved all of us, Peeta. Gale was talking absolute tripe about you not being able to protect me. It was both the best and worst night of my life that night. I knew there was still some of you in there-that was the _best_ part, but I also knew they might…." My voice hitched and I shook my head, "My first reaction was 'they are going to kill you." He was listening to me quietly but thoughtfully. I sighed, "I think I lost it then. We had a lockdown. You saved us. Coin even told me she was grateful for that."  
Peeta smiled and whispered, "Come here." I did and sat sideways on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and he smiled, "I need to put your ring back on, if that's ok with you?" I nodded and felt my breathing hike up a notch as he pushed the most beautiful thing I owned onto my finger. It still amazed me how beautiful it was. Peeta smiled as I stared at it and he said, "I think we need to both work on our trust issues." I nodded and kissed his cheek, "Well I think talking about…everything was a good start. I'm so sorry I took it off so easily. I…I overreacted." He nodded and whispered, "I completely agree. Talking is a good start."

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

Even though we had spoken a bit about the past, we hadn't covered most things. I had specifically not mentioned the torture I'd been through in the capitol because I _knew_ she'd blame herself for it. It was also something I found difficult to process when I was thinking clearly. A lot of it was a blur. I just remember waiting. Waiting for hours, days and nights to pass by. I felt like I was waiting for nothing but death. It would have been a welcome for me. I didn't want to tell her all this because she was going through enough on her own, and this would be too much for her.

I watched Katniss as she climbed into the bed and she asked me to come and join her. I smiled and nodded, "Ok. I just want to go and shower first. I'll be back in a second." She nodded and watched as I pulled off my shirt and headed for the shower. It wasn't too long before I came back wearing pajama shorts and a white t-shirt. She smiled at me, still wide awake and reading a book quietly. I raised my eyebrows, "I didn't know you liked reading?" She shrugged, "Well…I had a whole day to kill without you there. I thought I might as well have some sort of hobby. It's not like I wanted to talk to Gale."

I smiled, "I think it's cute. That you like reading I mean." She shrugged, "Well…I actually have _time_ for a hobby now, so that helps too." I nodded and hopped into bed next to her, wrapping my arm around her while she read, just the way she liked it. When she put down her book a chapter or so later, she asked me, "Peeta…?" I nodded and yawned, "Yes Katniss?" She was quiet for a second before asking, "You've never spoken about…" she swallowed, "About what they actually _did_ to you in…in the capitol." I couldn't see her face, but I could feel her whole body tense. I sighed, "Katniss…I don't think you're ever going to know." She sat up them and demanded, "Why? Don't I deserve to? What about trusting each other Peeta?"  
I stared at her before asking, "Could you promise me that you'll never blame yourself for it?" She said, "No," without even thinking about it, and then she realized what she'd said. She'd prevented herself from getting the answer she wanted and I smiled. She cursed and sighed, "Peeta, you can't keep it to yourself. You'll..." I raised an eyebrow, "Go mad?" She looked sadly at me, and shook her head slowly, "Peeta…" she whispered. I sighed, "I can tell you my dreams that wake me up, Katniss. And I can ask you for your help in terms of real or not real. But I can't tell you what they did. You'll never forgive yourself and it wasn't even your fault. It just…happened." She was quiet but I could only guess the internal monologue of self-blame going on in her head already. She shook her head with sad eyes, "It was that bad?" I whispered with a forced smile to lighten the mood, "See, you're blaming yourself now. I can see it."  
She shook her head and sighed "You know me too well, Peeta." I nodded, "It's not a bad thing though." Katniss half smiled, "No, it's a very good thing."

 _A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much as always for the great feedback and enthusiasm! This chapter is kind of like a continuation of the previous one. They've only really had a chance to talk properly so now is when it all begins! Hope you enjoy! As mentioned previously this story is about them working through their emotional trauma to find some happiness, so there will be a mix of everything!_


	13. Persuasion

The next day I woke up and I couldn't bear the thought of being alone by myself at home forever. I woke because Peeta had gotten up out of bed already. I sat up and pulled him by his hand so that he was lying down beside me. I shook my head, "You can't leave me again today." He smiled and planted a kiss on my cheek, "I don't know how long I plan to stay, Katniss. But the minute you want to go home, you let me know alright?" I nodded and sighed, "Fine, but then I'm coming with you today."  
He shook his head, "After the porch incident I really don't think that's a good idea." I rolled my eyes, "They attacked Effie too! It's not like it's just _me_ they're after." He stared at me with a pained expression on his face, "What about staying out of trouble?" I shrugged, "I'll do my best." Peeta didn't seem convinced so I leant forward and pressed my lips to his. I pressed hard and he groaned. I smiled and slid my hand under the hem of his shirt and up his abs. His eyes popped open and he slid his hands around my waist, pulling me on top of him as he whispered throatily, "I know what you're doing…" I smiled against his lips and replied, "Hmm? What…would…that be?" while kissing him in the most persuasive way possible. I put my legs on either side of his and he shook his head, trying to sit up and managing to do so, "Katniss…" he said breathlessly. I raised my eyebrow, "I still can't go with you? I know very well how to look after myself, Peeta." He nodded, "I know…if anyone knows…I do." His hands were at the small of back and I loved feeling them there. We were rarely this intimate.

Peeta sighed, "It's just…when you were on fire after the war…I thought I'd lost you." I smiled, "But you didn't." He nodded, "I know. But there are angry people out there Katniss. You've seen it and I've seen it. I think…with me it's different. People don't know where I stand. Therefore I'm in a neutral position. With you killing Coin, I think it confused a lot of them." I shrugged, "I can still help," I whispered, "And with Gale right next to me, it shouldn't be a problem."  
Peeta raised his eyebrows, "You want _Gale_ to accompany you?" I nodded and sighed, "If it's the only way you will let me go, then yes." Peeta sighed, "Fine. You can come. But if anything happens to you…" I nodded, "We can come straight back here." He shook his head, "You're so stubborn," he grumbled. I grinned and leant in to give him a kiss again, except this time I spattered his face with kisses and put my hands on either side of his face, and this caused him to laugh and simultaneously furrow his eyebrows. I laughed too and felt something close to happiness for the first time in…forever. I kissed his nose and he pulled my lips to his again. I was giggling against his lips. I never giggled. Then there was a knock on the door.

I turned to see Haymitch walk in. I jumped off Peeta and yelled in fright. I then rolled my eyes, "Oh, it's you." He shrugged, "Well, at least I knocked. I can see your mother is terrified to come in here, Katniss. She's worried about what compromising position she might find you in." Peeta nodded, "Yeah, knocking is more than some people do these days." He was grinning at me and Haymitch sighed, "Peeta, Effie wants to get going. She's waiting for you already." Peeta glanced at me and said hesitantly, "Katniss wants to join us today." Haymitch rolled his eyes, "That would explain what I just walked in on. Ok, and who's going to stop her getting killed for the billionth time?" He raised an eyebrow and I responded immediately, "Gale."  
Haymitch shrugged, "Funny, you used to be nervous about anyone else-particularly Gale-protecting you. Now you're willing to put him in the firing line. But fine…whatever floats your boat. Just do us all a favor and try not to get killed." Peeta nodded, "That's what I told her." Haymitch left as he said this. I smirked, delighted that I had gotten what I wanted, and all it had taken was a bit of persuasion with kissing. I could get used to that. I laughed to myself as Peeta got out of the bed and he asked curiously, "What are you laughing about?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Ah…nothing. I will go and shower in my mother's room so we can be ready sooner rather than later.

I felt like an excited little school girl as I picked up my clothes and towel and headed for the lodging on the far left hand side of the garden with a spring in my step. I felt giddy and my heart was beating quickly. My happy thoughts got interrupted by Gale as he stood in front of me, blocking my entrance. He smiled down at me and said, "I'm glad you're doing something useful. And I'm happy you want me to protect you."  
I didn't reply as I walked off to my mother's lodging. It was exactly the same as mine and Peeta's. I showered and dressed in ten minutes, and then we were ready to meet Effie. Peeta was waiting for me in the kitchen and he still had a broad smile on his face. I beamed when I saw him and I nodded, "I'm ready when you are." He grinned, "Definitely ready." We walked out of the house with Gale, Effie and Haymitch. There were boxes of clothes and food loaded into three separate cars. Each had a different chauffer. Of course, we went with Phillip, and Haymitch joined us. I rested my head against Peeta's shoulder, feeling so much more comfortable that he was at my side today.

Peeta whispered in my ear, "Just so you know…the city is in virtual ruins." I nodded and swallowed, "I know….I remember." He gave me an encouraging smile and after a ten minute drive, we ended up in one of the main squares of the capitol. It had clearly been affected by the war-buildings were crumbling down, but I saw thousands of people in the square. I gasped at the sadness I saw there. I felt a sinking feeling as I hopped out of the car.

There were mothers holding infants in their arms, with nowhere to go. Young children who looked like they were skin and bones. I shook my head in horror! How could I have not wanted to help these children as much as possible?! I immediately went to go and grab a box and start handing out goods. There was food packages of everything possible and Peeta said to me, "Provided to us by President Paylor. It's everything she can afford to give us from the mansion."  
I nodded and we set to work. Most people seemed fine or indifferent about me being there. I preferred that actually. It felt like they were all making such a big deal about my safety which really wasn't necessary. I was surprised that so many people were capitol people. When we took a break at one o clock, we sat in the car around the corner and ate I our sandwiches. I asked Peeta, "How it the capitol going to get back on our feet?"

He shrugged, "I have no clue. It worries me." I nodded in agreement, "Me too. They need places to live." He sighed and shook his head, "But where? Some have gone back to their original homes, if they're still standing. Those who have went to go and live with friends or family in other districts. This is the remainder." I smiled, an idea coming to my mind, "How about we use some of our money to bash down the buildings that were damaged and we can pay for new ones too?" He smiled at this, "You know, I like that idea a lot! We need to confirm it with President Paylor first though."

I grinned, "Deal! When we're finished here, we can go and ask her for permission." Peeta was staring at me with a huge grin on his face. I frowned, "What…?" We were the only ones in the car so he leant forward and whispered in my ear, "I find you wanting to help people very attractive." I blushed immediately and kissed the side of my neck. I shivered and whispered, "Peeta…someone could be watching." He shook his head, "Tainted windows…" I closed my eyes and let him work his magic. It was the most amazing feeling.

Then suddenly the door opened and I had to push him off. He frowned and then I stared the door to make him realize. He chuckled as Gale walked in and said bluntly, "Sorry to interrupt…but we need to start work again. Finish your lunch quickly and then join us." I nodded and said bluntly, "Thanks." I growled as I ate my sandwich, "He did that on purpose!" Peeta shrugged and smirked, "At least he got to see me kissing you in person. It was a _good_ feeling." I blushed and punched him playfully in the shoulder, "Hey! It doesn't mean we'll be doing this kind of thing too often just so you can feel good about your ego!" He laughed and shrugged, "Well that's disappointing Katniss."

 _A/N: So this chapter is more about Katniss overcoming her shyness when it comes to physical affection! Really enjoyed writing this chapter! The top kissing scene is slightly influenced from when J-Law kissed Josh at the fan event powered by Samsung! I've watched that scene a bunch of times because it's so cute! Anyway, I decided it needed to be included in this story! Hope you guy enjoy!_


	14. Love is Hard

We made it through the day without any incident. I felt really pleased about that. They had all been overreacting! I felt good about myself-glad that I could help people in need. I also felt good about Peeta. We'd been a team again today and it felt like the first time in a long time. The capitol people had also been surprisingly caring about Peeta and I. They asked me how we were, how the baby was etc. I had cringed at that question and Peeta had stepped in and told an elderly lady who had asked, "It was a lie I made up to try and get them to stop the games that year. Katniss didn't even know about it. I told no one." She had nodded and smiled at Peeta, "Well…that was very brave of you, my dear." This had surprised him and she continued, "I say this because…after years of living in the capitol and not approving of the games, I can finally say what I truly feel about them. It's so freeing." I smiled at her and said, "Thank you. For being different." She shrugged, "After a long life, it's the least I can do. You two better take care of yourselves, alright? You deserve all the happiness in the world."

Peeta smiled at me and I said genuinely, "Thank you. I really appreciate it," as we handed her clothes and a sandwich. She had thanked us and smiled gratefully. I said to Peeta on the way home, "That was so much better than sitting at home all day doing nothing!" He nodded in agreement, "I'm proud of you for doing the right thing."

We eventually got home and I was so relieved to have dinner. Effie told us as we walked in through the front door, "Now dears, unfortunately I've run out of clothes, which means tomorrow I'll have to make some." I nodded, "We can learn, Effie." She smiled at us with bright pink lipstick, "Thank you my dear. It will make things go a lot quicker. I'll go and start the dinner." I shook my head, "I'll make dinner Effie. You relax. What do you have?" Effie smiled at me gratefully, "I have chicken schnitzels." I nodded and smiled, "I'll go and cook. I've learnt a thing or two from my mom." I started up the oven and I cooked some vegetables as well as mashed potato. Peeta came in to watch me and he murmured, "I can help you, if you'd like…" He came and wrapped his hands around my waist and I sighed, "Thanks Peeta. But I've got this." He kissed my cheek and replied, "I'll teach you to bake if you teach me to cook."

I turned to face him and smiled, "You don't know how to cook?" He shook his head, "Nope. Spent so much time in the bakery so my mom was the only one who ever did the cooking." I smiled and suddenly a vision clouded over him and he began shaking. I frowned, not sure of what it was that had set him off this time. I stroked his face softly and said, "Peeta…look at me." He did and whispered, "My family is dead. Real or not real?" My eyes tightened and I felt like a horrible person as I whispered, "Real…" He shook his head, "No…not real! Not Ben and Sam!" My heart broke for him. He had never mentioned his brothers, although I knew they existed from our school days. He was shaking so violently now that I could see him fighting against the force which overpowered him. I sighed and knew there was only one thing I could do. I pressed my lips against his, and slowly but surely, the shaking ebbed away. His kissing became strong and passionate and I sighed in relief as his shaking stopped.  
Suddenly, he pulled away and stared into my eyes, his now clear again as he whispered, "Thank you. I'm sorry…that was…" he shook his shoulders as if to rid himself of the memory and I smiled, "Anytime," before the pot started sizzling. I turned quickly and my mother walked in. She smiled at us, "Hi Katniss. Peeta." She nodded, and then she went to her accommodations', probably to change out of her work clothes. I whispered to Peeta, "Do you want to talk about…Ben and Sam?" He never mentioned them… _ever_. He had told me about his mother…how horrible she was and about his father-how he'd loved my mother. Peeta and his father had gotten on quite well. But I'd never heard him speak of Ben and Sam. Peeta shook his head in answering my question, "No…I'm fine. Thanks."  
I wasn't sure what to say to that. I frowned. He usually was quite willing to talk about most things with me. But the second I mentioned his brothers he became withdrawn. It was weird how upset and angry I got about Prim…but he wouldn't even _talk_ about his brothers. I whispered to him, "You know…maybe it would be good to talk about this Peeta. We both haven't really spoken much about…our siblings."

I hadn't realized as I said this that we'd _both_ lost siblings, not just me. As I said this, however, Gale had walked in. He smiled at me, "We can talk about Prim whenever you want Katniss. I'm not going to stop you." I scowled at him, "You _know_ I wasn't talking to you Gale." I snapped irritably. Peeta still seemed forlorn as he said nothing and Gale shrugged, "I just wanted to come and congratulate you for today. You were great!" I rolled my eyes, "I didn't do more than you, Peeta or anyone else. Quit the act Gale." I did see this caused Peeta to laugh and I felt good about that.

Gale left in a huff and finally my vegetables were done. I said to Peeta, "Come and watch how I do the mash." I showed him and asked him to help me peel the potato skins as I put the chicken schnitzels into the oven. I helped him out and then he finished the rest.

Once done, we sat down in the dining room which led off the kitchen. The dining room had a beautiful red carpet with floral patterns covering it. The dining room table was long enough to fit ten people, so there was plenty of space. Effie had poured wine in every glass, and she raised hers saying, "To a successful day of helping those in need." Haymitch added next to her, "To a successful day of the girl on fire not getting herself killed." I rolled my eyes and everyone else laughed as we clinked our glasses together.

I saw that Peeta didn't really seem to be hungry and I placed my hand on his knee, and squeezed it gently, "Peeta?" I asked concernedly. He jumped in fright and I scooted closer to him, "Peeta…" He shook his head and whispered, "Later…Katniss." He said it kindly but firmly. I sighed and ate what I could. When dinner was done, I went to go and sit in the backyard on a bench. Peeta and Haymitch were washing up, and my mother and Gale had gone to their rooms.  
Effie walked out to me in her ridiculously tall heels and sat down. She said, "My dear, thank you for such a wonderful meal." I smiled, "Anything to help Effie." She nodded and asked, "Is there anything I can help you with? You look troubled." I shook my head and sighed, while watching Peeta through the doors, "Why does love have to be so difficult? It's so much easier not be in love." Effie smiled widely, "Well now, Katniss, that's very true. Love is challenging and yes, it is easier to not love someone. But love is also beautiful and inspiring and it changes your whole being." I bit my lip, knowing that she was right, "I suppose so. I just find it so difficult with Peeta. I think things are going ok…and then the next second we back track and he won't want to talk to me about certain things. Like I only found out about Johanna the other day! Surely he should have told me about that a long time ago?" Effie shrugged, "He probably thought you had a lot on your plate and the last thing you needed to worry about was his feelings."

I sighed, "That's where he's wrong Effie…" I said, still staring at Peeta, "I've always worried about his feelings-even when I was acting for the cameras. I felt awful for leading him on. I still feel awful about all of that. But I just sometimes wonder if there's not too much history between us which will be hard to make things work." Effie smiled at me, "My dear, remember what I said. I have faith in you. If anyone can make your love work out, it's you. I've seen you change so much over the years, my dear, and I know you could love him with all of your heart, if only you let yourself."

I swallowed and whispered, "How?" Effie shrugged, "It comes with time my dear. It all comes with time. You're already progressing better than you were a month ago. Don't underestimate yourself. And don't give up on Peeta." I hugged her and felt a little lighter, "Thank you Effie. You always have the best advice." She grinned, "Not at all my dear."  
That's when Haymitch and Peeta walked outside. Haymitch announced, "We're done." Effie got up and kissed him on both cheeks, "Thank you my darling," she said to him and she placed both hands on his chest. Effie winked at me and I grinned at her, "Goodnight Effie." She nodded, "Goodnight Katniss," and her and Haymitch walked into the house together, hand in hand.

Peeta came and sat down on the bench beside me and he sighed, "I'm sorry for being…funny. I just…I'm not used to talking about Ben and Sam. I don't think I've really processed it yet either. At that time when 12 went under, I was in the hands of the capitol…so you know they never told me anything. It was only when I reached district thirteen when they kind of mentioned it to me to see how I'd react."  
I shook my head, "You don't have to explain yourself, Peeta. Not to me anyway." He took my head in his and he sighed, "I do though. And maybe one day I will tell you about them. But that day might not be today." I nodded, "I understand. I love you." I didn't glance up at him but I knew he was smiling as he wrapped his arm around my waist and leant his head on top of mine.


	15. An Eventful Evening Part 1

The following day was spent learning how to make clothes using Effie's many sewing machines. I sucked of course, but Peeta was a natural. He was so much more creative than I was. I watched him in fascination and often got distracted from my work. I also often dazed off and just stared at him, but then shook myself out of my daze.

While we were on lunch break, Effie's phone rang and she nodded and went, "Uhuh. Uhuh. Alright President Paylor. Here's Katniss." I bit my lip, not liking this. I glanced at Peeta who smiled and nodded encouragingly. I took the landline from Effie and said, "Hello President Paylor. It's good to hear from you." I walked outside and into the back garden to have some privacy as President Paylor said, "I would like to have dinner with you and Peeta this evening, if that's possible. Effie, Gale, and whomever else you'd like to be there are more than welcome."

I frowned, wondering what this was about. I nodded, "Alright ma'am." She responded, "Call me Kiara. I'll see you all at eight. Please dress smartly, it's a formal occasion." I frowned, "Alright. See you then and thank you." I turned to find Peeta watching me. He asked, "What was that about?" I shrugged, "President Paylor wants us to be at the mansion for dinner because it's a formal occasion at eight. She said dress formally." Peeta frowned, "On such short notice? I don't even have formal clothes with me!" Effie appeared behind him, "Not to worry, dears! I, of course, have plenty! Peeta, I even have your tuxedo that you wore on the victory tour to the mansion, remember?" He nodded and smiled at her gratefully, "Thank you, Effie." She nodded to me, "Katniss, follow me dear, I've got something wonderful for you!" I cringed-knowing Effie, it was probably a dress I would _hate_ to wear. Fill of frills or something else horrendous.

I walked upstairs to her bedroom, which was impeccably tidy and covered in purple. Her closet was of course, a walk in closet. We walked in and she went straight to a shelf stacked with a thousand and one other dresses, as well as shoes, a make-up counter, jackets and any other item of clothing imaginable. I ran my hands through them in awe. She smiled at me, "Now, these, I'm not giving away. They're some of my finest works." I shook my head in amazement, "You _made_ these? How did you save them from the capitol?" She nodded and grinned, "Well this is my house. Luckily it was uneffected by the war. And to answer your other question- making clothes is my true passion in life, Katniss. Like yours is throwing arrows." I laughed and she laughed with me.

I stared at the racks of dresses and said suddenly, "I want to wear something sexy." Effie just about fell over, "Sorry! What Katniss? I thought you _hated_ those dresses we put on you! Like the one at the victory tour ball? You protested about it being too 'revealing." I shrugged my shoulders, "I know…but after the way I saw Peeta looking at Johanna in her…er… _revealing_ shirt…I kind of want him to look at me that way." Effie sighed, "Katniss, you shouldn't change who you are because of your insecurities. I mean, look at me. I dress like this because I _love_ it. Peeta will know immediately if you're trying to be something you're not." I frowned, "You have a point. But I'd still like to impress him." Effie grinned, "Alright…how about this?" She pulled out a scary looking ensemble that looked very business-y. The top was white and would show a lot of midriff on me. It was combined with a long, black skirt that had a long slit in the leg. I shook my head, "No…I think that's _too_ revealing." She nodded and asked, "What color? I think starting with color is easiest." I replied immediately, "Green! It's my favorite. Or orange, like the sun setting. That's Peeta's favorite." Effie sighed, "That makes life so difficult! If you could stick with a simple color like black or red, it would be a lot easier." I rolled my eyes and said sarcastically, "I don't make things easy on purpose."

We spent a half hour going through her wardrobe when there was a knock on the door. Peeta came in and smiled, "Lunch break is over guys. Now back to work!" I smirked, "Just because _you've_ got an outfit planned, doesn't mean I have!" I got up and pushed him out of the room. He laughed, "Oh _come on_ , Katniss! Aren't I allowed a sneak peak?" I grinned, "Nope! Don't you know it's wrong to see a bride the night before their wedding?" I joked and Peeta frowned, "We're not getting married today..." Effie gasped, "Oh my word Katniss thanks for reminding me! We need to organize your wedding! Yes, yes a wedding is in order! We need a dress, of course nothing I make will compare to Cinna's, but it will do. And flowers, and a _venue_! Where on _earth_ will we get a venue?!" She jabbered on to herself hysterically and I glanced at Peeta who immediately interrupted her, "Effie…we're not planning on actually _marrying_ sometime soon." This stopped her in her tracks, "But of _course_ you must! Isn't that half the reason you're here?" I shook my head, "It's got nothing to do with why we're here." She sighed, "Oh dear, now I got so excited for nothing."

I smiled at Peeta, "You go and wait downstairs. I'll be there in a minute." He kissed my cheek, "Don't be too long, beautiful." I blushed and Effie sighed happily, "He's such a gentlemen. You're a lucky girl, Katniss. Alright, now let's choose a dress!" Finally, we came across the perfect emerald colored dress and it fit me perfectly. It had a simple v-neck with thick straps and it flowed nicely around me. It had a small slit in the middle which started just above my knee, but I could live with that.  
I loved it when I tried it on and exclaimed, "It's beautiful! Thank you Effie!" She smiled approvingly, "It looks far better on you than it ever did on me! You're the one who makes it beautiful, Katniss, because it's _so you_!" I hugged her and then changed out of it. I couldn't wait until Peeta saw me in it tonight!

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I was dressed up in my tux from the victory tour. It was charcoal grey/blue on the outside and black everywhere else. I'd lost a lot of weight since then, due to a lack of food last year when I was locked up. I felt like the blazer was a bit too big for me but it would have to do. I waited for the girls to get ready.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned around. I saw Katniss walking down and my jaw nearly fell open. I'd seen her wearing many wonderful creations before, but this was by _far_ the best in its own, simple way. The color was dark green and it made her blue eyes pop. It was simple, and had a slit in her leg. I was surprised she'd choose something that was simple for the capitol people, but so _her_. I hadn't expected it. I was expecting some fancy capitol gown, but this…this was so much better. i guess I was just used to the capitol fashion. I one hundred percent preferred Katniss's style.

As she descended the stairs, she glanced up and stared at me intensely. Her make-up was minimal too- she were simple eye make-up, so I could see her natural beauty. The only make-up that was obvious was her bright red lips, and her hair bounced on her shoulders, loose and not in her signature plait. I shook my head in awe and greeted her at the bottom of the staircase. We'd done this _so_ many times on pretense, that it should feel natural by now. However, my insides felt like they might _explode_ because she looked so incredible, and so naturally _Katniss_ , rather than a capitol creation of her that I was used to seeing.

When she reached me, I took her hand and whispered in her ear, "You are breathtaking." This caused a blush to spread across her cheeks and she whispered, "It's the dress. And the make-up." I shook my head, "No. It's you," I said throatily. I felt embarrassed at my voice, but she gazed at me, a grin travelling across her face when Gale interrupted, "Ok…let's get going or else we're going to be late."

We traveled in our usual car with Phillip. Haymitch and Effie came in our car, and Gale and Mrs Everdeen went in another. I had a feeling this would be an eventful evening.

 _A/N: Hi all! Thanks again for all of the enthusiasm! And sorry for the late chapter, it's been a busy weekend! But I hope you enjoy it! Also as far as I'm aware, we aren't told President Paylor's first name, so I'm giving her the name Kiara._


	16. An Eventful Evening Part 2

When we arrived at the mansion I clutched Peeta's hand tightly, "I thought we were done with these parties." I whispered, as we hopped out of the car. Peeta nodded in agreement, "So did I. At least Paylor is hosting it, rather than Snow." I nodded and stared at him as we walked up the stairs to the mansion. Peeta asked, "What?" I just shrugged my shoulders, "This just feels really… _eerie_ that's all." The truth was that I had been staring at how handsome he was looking in his tuxedo, although maybe a bit on the thin side. His clothing didn't fit him as perfectly as it had a year or two ago, and to be honest, it was something I hadn't noticed before.

Once we reached the front door, Effie knocked and the president opened for us. She greeted us with open arms. I was delighted to see Annie, standing in a beautiful pink gown behind her. I ran up to her and hugged her tightly. We had never been best of friends, but ever since Finnick…I felt like I had to be there for her. I released her and said ecstatically, "How are you doing?" She shrugged, "Well…I'm pregnant." She gave me a small smile and I somewhat squealed with happiness for her, "That's so exciting! Congrats!" I said. She nodded enthusiastically, "It is! Except I wish…" I sighed, "Finnick was here? I know. Me too. He would have loved this." She issued me a small smile and I said instantly, "If you need anything I'm here though. For you, I mean. You must just give me a call. Are you staying in the mansion?" She nodded, "Thank you Katniss, I'm very grateful. Yes I am. I have nowhere else to live. President Paylor said I can live here as long as I need."

I sighed in relief, "That's very kind of her." I hadn't noticed Johanna walk down the stairs, wearing a peach dress which fitting her perfectly. It floated around her tanned skin and was simple in fit. It had a little sheer lace around the top half, but it wasn't too much. As she walked down the stairs, everyone's heads turned. Someone wolf whistled-I think it was Haymitch, because I saw Effie elbow him in the ribs which made me laugh.  
I saw Peeta glance at her, but then he held my hand and smiled warmly at me. He whispered in m ear, "You're the only one I have my eyes on tonight, don't worry." Johanna smiled and nodded to us, "Hi everyone. Sorry for being late. Let's go and start this party." President Paylor nodded, and led us into Snow's dining room in her plain, purple ensemble.

She sat on the far left side of the massive circular dining room table and Peeta and I sat on her right hand side. To my great irritation, Johanna decided to place herself on Peeta's right. I scowled at her and she smiled, "I'm allowed to sit where I'd like, aren't I Katniss?" I ignored her and spoke to President Paylor, "So I went to go and help Peeta and Effie with feeding people yesterday. It felt so good to be useful." She smiled at me kindly, "I hoped you would find that." I frowned, "You did?" She nodded, "It's half the reason everyone is here today." I grumbled I don't like the sound of this." She shrugged her shoulders, "You'll see soon enough."

I overheard Johanna saying to Peeta then about her dress, "Yes, it's orange, not like bright orange, but orange like the sun setting, which I figured is more like a peachy color." For a minute, I saw _red_. Not orange, _red_. I became furious and I seethed silently in my seat. I said to President Paylor, "Excuse me, I just need to use the bathroom." She smiled, "Not a problem."  
I got up and stalked angrily to the bathroom. I knew where it was from a few days in the mansion once the war had ended. I heard footsteps running after me across the polished floor and I thought it was Peeta. I didn't stop though. _How_ could Johanna sit _right there in front of me_ and flirt with my fiancé like that?! I heard Gale's voice calling then, "Katniss…Katniss wait!" I stopped suddenly, breathing angrily and halfway to the bathroom. I turned slowly to face him and I whispered, "Just…just give me a minute, ok? I need to go…" I almost felt tears on my cheeks and suddenly I was in Gale's arms. He had pulled me to him and I had let him. I was in such a vulnerable state. I didn't have the energy to fight him. I felt a break down coming on and I felt myself crying into his tuxedo.

Then I heard Peeta's voice, "Katniss…?" he was sounding nervous and he had every right to be. I suddenly realized what I was doing and I stumbled backwards. Peeta looked worried and he shook his head. He'd closed the double doors to the dining room behind him as he inched closer to me, "Katniss…It wasn't…" I scowled at him and said hurtfully, "What it looked like? She was _flirting_ with you, Peeta! In _front of me_! Like I wasn't there…"  
He tried to come closer and he said, "Katniss…I'm sorry I can't…" I shook my head, "No…just _leave_ me alone." I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I sat with my back against the door and inhaled sharply, a tight knot appearing in my chest. I said to myself out loud, "I don't deserve him. He's too good for me. I should end it now, and let Johanna have him. I can go back to district 12 and live by myself." The very idea shook me to my core and I began shaking furiously. I sobbed. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back by myself. I couldn't _sleep_ without Peeta. The idea was ludicrous.

I sobbed until I couldn't cry anymore tears. What was I going to do? I just wanted to stay here until dinner was over. I couldn't go back in there and face him. Not a chance. We could go home in two separate cars and then what? I would have to sleep in the same bed as him. I couldn't escape him even if I tried. Maybe I was overreacting, but I really felt like I couldn't win this. I didn't have energy to fight either.

I heard a knock on the door and I mumbled, "Go away." I was surprised when it was my mother's voice, "Katniss….may I come in please?" I wiped my tears away and sighed, unlocking the door for her. She came in and hugged me tightly, "Oh my dear girl. Peeta told me what happened. My dear, you can't take that so personally. Peeta can't control what comes out of somebody else's mouth. He can only control what comes out of his." I nodded, "I know that. She just feels like such a…threat. She's so confident, and witty and beautiful. I'm not."  
My mother sighed, "But you're brave, and courageous and strong. She's none of those things." I grimaced, "She is though. She was in the Hunger Games twice, like me and like Peeta. And she survived the torture. She has so much more in common with him." My mother smiled at me, "But he _still_ chooses you." I'd never had such supportive words of wisdom from my mother before. My mother smiled kindly, "He loves you so much Katniss. Even I can see it even if I don't know him very well. Anyone can see it. Even Johanna. She's probably just jealous. Don't underestimate yourself."  
I embraced her firmly and sighed, "Thanks mom. I appreciate it. A lot." She hugged me back, and then released me to wipe off my tears, "Thank goodness for Effie's waterproof make-up. Now come on, let's go and enjoy dinner." I nodded and followed her into the dining room, bracing myself.

Peeta was of course, pacing back and forth in front of the double doors. I didn't see Gale anywhere so he must have gone inside. Peeta glanced up the second he heard our footsteps and he said to me, "Katniss…I'm so sorry." I shook my head and sighed, "Peeta, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so sensitive. I just can't help it when she's around. She gets on my _nerves_." I smiled hopefully at him and he laughed, "You really are very sensitive, Katniss. It's what I find so _endearing_ about you." I blushed as he wrapped me in his arms. I sighed, "Now, I have to go and face Johanna."  
The door opened and her voice echoed around the room, "No need." I bit my lip as I saw her she said, "Katniss, you _really_ need to learn not to be so sensitive. I would have thought that after everything you've been through, you'd be a bit tougher than that." I wasn't sure how to respond to that, "I…I just…" and Johanna carried on, "And you need to have a little bit more faith in Peeta! Honestly. He, apart from Annie was the only company I had from months on end. Naturally, we have a tight bond after everything we went through together. But you've just got to accept that and _suck it up_!"

I frowned, still not sure how to respond. Peeta smiled, "It's ok. She's allowed to be sensitive, Johanna." Johanna shrugged, "I just thought it would help, if I gave her that tidbit of advice. Next time she shouldn't go running off." I felt so belittled at that moment that I said briskly, "Thank you for that _advice_ Johanna," before I stormed back into the dining room.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I won't lie, the fact that Katniss got so… _possessive_ over me was _alarming_. She'd never been one to show much affection to anyone in the past. But there was something about Johanna that set her off completely. She became a jealous girlfriend when the aforementioned girl was around. But it was jealousy to the point that it could break us apart and that _terrified_ me more than anything else. She needed to learn to accept Johanna's comments, no matter how upsetting they may be if she wanted this to work out. Johanna wasn't going to tone herself down to please anyone, especially not Katniss. I would speak to her about it when we were home.

We were served starters of roasted pear with walnut and ginger filling. It was all small talk until President Paylor tapped her wine glass and we all stood up. She spoke fluently, "I'd like to thank you all for coming here this evening, especially on such late notice. I hope you all enjoy your feast. There's a buffet set up at the other end of the hall. We have matters to discuss once the meal is over, so please take as much as you need to sustain yourself." We walked over to the buffet and there were three different dishes of meat-lamb, chicken and pork, as well as salad, roasted potatoes, potato salad and more.

I took a bit of everything and I noticed how quiet Katniss was being. I think she was embarrassed her behavior. I whispered to her, "What's wrong, love?" as we served up our food. I saw her blush and she shook her head. Was she embarrassed of _me_? I couldn't tell and it bothered me. It bothered me so much because she didn't talk to me at all during dinner, except when spoken to by President Paylor. It meant I was left to stare at my food and Johanna was clearly avoiding saying anything to me for fear of an upset, so she spoke to Gale. I just wanted this evening to be over and done with.

When we finished, President Paylor called our attention and said, "Now the reason we're here, is to discuss what will become of the future of Panem. And how we will move forward into a better, new world."

 _A/N: This chapter was so much fun to write! I hope you guys enjoy it! Please let me know what you think? I see Katniss as someone who's not very in tune with her feelings. She_ thinks _a lot and therefore is a very intellectual being, but she doesn't necessarily mean she_ understands _how she feels about certain things. This story also has to do with her coming to understand her feelings properly. She's_ aware _of them, she just doesn't know how to cope with them. For example, like in the real or not real scene in Mockinjay, she tells Peeta that she can't "do this anymore" therefore she avoids the issue. So here she's actually coming to terms with everything. Hope that makes sense. This is just my interpretation though!_


	17. Worth Fighting For

I told President Paylor that Peeta and I would be contributing our earnings to the rebuilding of the capitol. She told us she was very grateful and any suggestions would be more than welcomed. I didn't say much the rest of the evening except when spoken to. I loved the wine they were serving and had at least five glasses. It helped calm my nerves. After dinner, President Paylor invited us to come and join her dance party. She told us, "It's my weekly workout. So much better than the drills I did when I was commander." Peeta danced with me but it was stiff and unnatural-much like the many other times we'd danced together. Eventually, I sat down and took some champagne. Haymitch sat beside me and smirked as Johanna went to go and ask Peeta to dance, "Your boy is feeling embarrassed. I can tell." I laughed sarcastically, "Oh yeah, what makes you say that?" I was trying to force myself to keep calm, and it seemed drinking champagne was the only thing that helped. It made my stomach feel queasy, but I didn't care.

I was surprised when Gale came and offered me a hand. I took it whether or not I actually wanted to. Tonight, I just wanted to _forget_. I let him spin me around to a song called _Infinity_. I laughed, "I didn't realize you were such a _natural_ at this, Gale." He shrugged his shoulders, "Your sister taught me." I froze at the mention of my sister. Even though I hadn't mentioned her in a while, I still felt upset most days. I saw a man walk by with a tray of champagne chutes and tossed a whole one down. I turned back to Gale and I let him spin me around until I felt like I was going to throw up. It was an intimate affair- the eight of us dancing around the living room and just letting loose.  
Suddenly I felt excruciatingly ill and I dropped to the floor in pain. I realized I'd probably had more alcohol than I had counted throughout the course of the evening and I heard Gale's worried voice, "Katniss…Katniss? Are you there?" I clenched the side of my stomach in pain and I swore. I heard Peeta's voice but I didn't see him as I passed out on the stone cold floor.

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed and an unfamiliar room. I groaned and felt my stomach clench tightly. I slowly opened my eyes, to find Peeta at my side, his face not worried, but rather pissed off. I frowned, assuming this was a bad dream and I rolled over on my side, feeling a slight pang in my stomach as I did so. I inhaled sharply and someone squeezed my hand.

I groaned again and found Gale watching me steadily. He whispered, "Are you ok?" I frowned, "Wha-…" He shook his head, "You got drunk, Katniss. Very drunk. You…passed out on the floor." I laughed and it hurt my insides to do so, "Yeah right! _Me_ , drunk! I never lose control." I tried sitting up but it was too much and my insides made me feel nauseatingly ill.  
I immediately fell back down and let my head fall into a soft and deliciously fluffy pillow. I heard Peeta saying angrily, "She's delirious! I can't _believe_ she did this!" I was closing my eyes again as I heard Gale reply, "I can. She's far too reliant on _you_. You will be the death of her." I didn't hear Peeta responding as I fell into a fitful sleep.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I can't believe Katniss had done this to herself. That she would give herself slight alcohol poisoning because of _Johanna_. No, this must be something bigger than that. When Gale told me a second ago that I'll be the death of her, and that she was overly reliant on me, I thought 'you have a fair point.' Now, I'm just lost and confused.

I loved this girl with all of my heart, but why couldn't she see that? Why was she _so_ convinced that I could do better than her? I thought about it long and hard and couldn't come up with an answer. Mrs Everdeen sat in a chair opposite me and watched her daughter protectively. She saw me watching her and she sighed, "Peeta…I can't lose another daughter." That made me swallow hard and I nodded, "I understand, Mrs Everdeen. If you wish for me to break up with her, then I will, even if it's the hardest thing I'll ever do." I didn't have the courage to look at her and say it.

Katniss's mother sighed, "Peeta…I'm not asking you that. I'm concerned. I'm concerned that she's finally letting everything she's been through in the past few years swallow her up and eat her alive. Effie said Katniss thought about resorting to alcohol the first time you two had a fight. I'm worried because she seems to be taking all of her fears and frustrations out on _you_ and the potential of you leaving her. I think you're the only thing she has left worth fighting for."

I stared at Mrs Everdeen now and shook my head, "No, that's not true. She has you and Gale." Mrs Everdeen laughed, "She has me, yes. What a great role model I am! And Gale? I can't see her choosing to mend their relationship anytime soon." I sighed, "Maybe you have a point. But if she goes down this road, how am _I_ supposed to stop her? I feel so… _powerless_ right now!" Mrs Everdeen sighed, "I suppose you'll have to figure it out as you go. But I know that if anyone can do it, it's you."

We lapsed back into silence again and I shook my head, "I just don't want to disappoint her. I want the best for her. I feel like I've got so many problems of my own…that I wouldn't even know where to begin in trying to help her." Mrs Everdeen smiled at me kindly, "You've already helped her, Peeta. If I'm not mistaken, you and Prim were the only two people she felt were worth fighting for. She was so desperate to get you out of the capitol. I've never seen her so distressed. I think you've already helped her, far more than you know." I smiled at her gratefully, but then turned back to Katniss. I felt _angry_ with her for doing this to herself. And for not having more common sense.

 _Katniss's P.O.V:_

I woke up the next morning with a blinding headache. I closed my eyes immediately. But Peeta had already seen that I was awake. I saw that he wasn't holding me, but rather lying on the other side of the bed which was unusual. I sighed and shook my head, "You can break up with me, you know. I know I deserve it." Peeta didn't respond. Instead, he just ignored me, got up out of bed and went to go and shower in the en suite bathroom. I frowned. That was _extremely_ unusual-for him not to speak to me.

There was a knock on the door. I groaned, "Come in." Gale opened the door and he said softly, "How are you feeling, Catnip?" I frowned. I didn't like him calling me that name anymore but my head was too sore to argue. I grumbled, "I've been better, thanks Gale." I suddenly realized I was in a plain shirt and pajama shorts. I frowned, "Who changed me?" I heard the shower stop and Peeta yelled so I could hear, "That would be me!"

He obviously hadn't realized Gale was in here, as he came out with a towel wrapped around his waist and brushing his teeth. He stopped when he saw Gale and he nodded to him and took his toothbrush out, "Sorry…didn't realize you were here," he mumbled through toothpaste. Gale shrugged, "Its ok. Just put some clothes on." Peeta pulled clothing out of his wardrobe and went back into the bathroom to change.

I asked Gale, "What happened?" He shook his head and sighed, "You got drunk, Katniss." I rolled my eyes, "I don't remember…" and then I bit my tongue. If I didn't remember getting drunk, _obviously_ I was drunk and I didn't want them to think that. I sighed, "Why?" Gale raised an eyebrow worriedly, "You don't remember?" I shook my head and whispered throatily, "No…"

Peeta rolled his eyes as he emerged fully clothed in khaki shorts and a black plain top. He said angrily, "You know, Katniss, maybe I _should_ break up with you! For getting so crazily jealous and _possessive_ of me last night! It was actually embarrassing, and yet I _still_ defended you! You're not the only one trying to keep it together, here you know! Maybe I'm tired of trying to mend you while fixing myself too!"  
I flinched at his harsh and real words. I shrugged my shoulders, "Fine. Break up with me. See if I care" The room went stony silent and I felt like I had just dared him to do the very opposite of what I wanted. Why I was acting like this, I don't know. All I know is that I had enough of a headache, without him being angry with me.

I rolled on my side and faced Gale, who was watching me with a tense jaw and sadness in his eyes. I closed my eyes, hoping this was the end. The end of everything. The end of my life and the end of the world. I just wanted to die. I'd escaped death so many times before. If Peeta didn't want me then I truly had no reason left to live. I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore. I was so desperate and dependent and needy for Peeta that it made me forget myself. I felt like a shell. An empty shell of myself.

The worst part was, I didn't even know _what_ were arguing about. I felt tears slip down my face as I cried myself to sleep.

 _A/N: Hey all, so this was a_ very _intense chapter to write! Phew. I just thought, now that Katniss is dealing with everything she's been through, she's not coping very well. I think it would be understandable because I couldn't imagine going through all of it and still surviving. Prim dying is like the icing on the cake and has made her loose it completely. This story is going in a very different direction than what I'd planned, but I'm finding it more interesting. That's what writing does anyway! Also Katniss is very_ confused, _and she finds it frustrating so she's taking it all out on Peeta. I don't usually write such dark stories, but The Hunger Games is generally quite dark. I think this is as dark as it will get though! And also I think an immediate happy ending is very unrealistic! Anyway, any thoughts/ ideas are more than welcome and thanks as always for the positive feedback!_


	18. Bits and Pieces

I woke up and felt like I had slept forever. My head felt a lot clearer than it had before though so that was a relief. I sat up slowly and found Gale sitting beside me. He forced a smile, "Hey Catnip. How are you feeling?" I shrugged, "I feel…ok I guess. I know something is wrong though. With Peeta." Gale nodded and sighed, "He's downstairs at the moment. I can go and get him if you want?" I nodded and smiled gratefully to him before he left.

I flopped back down on the pillow and was surprised to see my mother walk in. Effie followed behind her and they sat down on either side of my bed, "How are you feeling my dear?" asked Effie. She smiled at me as if genuinely happy to see me and I sighed, "I've felt…better. Gale told me I got drunk." My mother nodded, "Very drunk, Katniss. Slight-alcohol-poisoning drunk." I gritted my teeth and whispered, "No one has told me why yet though." Effie nodded, "Well…we're not entirely sure either. We think Johanna set you off. She…flirted with Peeta a bit in front of you and you lost it. You had a bit of a break down, my dear."

I frowned and sighed, "I suppose that could be true. I don't remember anything." My mother glanced at Effie who smiled kindly and said, "Which is why, my dear, I think you need to see someone." I frowned more and asked, "Who? I need to see Peeta I know…" Effie shook her head, "A psychologist someone my dear."  
I laughed, "A psychologist?! Why would I need to do that?" My mother stared at me and she said softly, "Katniss…you've been extremely erratic in your personality lately. Very…emotional. One minute you're extremely happy and the next…" That's when Haymitch walked in and finished her sentence, "You go stark, raving mad!" Effie snapped in her high pitched tone I've heard her use many times on me, "Haymitch! I told you not to come in!" He smiled sweetly at her and put a hand on her shoulder before continuing, "You need to get yourself sorted girl."  
I felt like my headache was coming back as I murmured, "I don't need a psychologist." That's when Peeta walked in and he stared at me as if he didn't know me, "Yes, you do. We both do." I searched his eyes for some help. For him to defend me and say that I didn't need it. But his jaw was set and I knew that look only too well. It meant he had made his decision and he wasn't going to change it. I felt tears spring to my eyes. Did they all think I was _crazy_? That the Hunger Games and the war, and everything else in between had made me into a lunatic?! Maybe…maybe they were right. It would explain why I didn't feel quite myself anymore.

I turned to face my head into my pillow so nobody would see the tears forming in my eyes. I heard people getting up and Effie sighed. Haymitch muttered, "Well…at least she didn't attack anyone." When there was silence, I turned to see if anyone was still there. Peeta was standing in the doorway and staring at me unseeingly. When he did notice me looking at him, he inched closer and I sat up. He wiped away the tears from my eyes as he sat down beside me and sighed, "Katniss…we both need it. Not just you, but me too. I'm not strong enough to fix both of us."

I nodded, my lips trembling and I said tearfully, "I'm sorry Peeta! For whatever I did, I'm so…so sorry!" He smiled and wiped the tears that continued to fall, "I know you are, Katniss. I still love you. And I'm sorry too-sorry that I can't fix the both of us." I smiled through my tears, "That was never your job, Peeta. I just expected too much of you and I'm sorry for that too." He chuckled slightly, "Well as long as we're both sorry…I suppose that's all that matters here." I nodded and he crawled onto the bed beside me and I shifted over to make room for him. He then held me in his arms tightly. I felt so much more relaxed with him there and I felt the tension in me evaporate. I asked, "So…what did I do that caused everyone to panic, apart from getting drunk that is?"

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

Once I had explained to Katniss why she was going to the psychologist, she was silent. She seemed shocked at her behavior, but there was something _more_ than that. She frowned, "I don't remember any of it. From the time we got here to getting drunk. It's gone." I nodded, "Yes, because you were drunk." She shook her head, "No…surely I would remember _bits and pieces_ if it was just because I got drunk." I sighed, "I don't know, Katniss, I've never been that drunk."  
She nodded, and we remained quiet until she fell asleep again. I slowly got up when she was in a deep sleep and went outside to get some fresh air. I ran into Gale outside her door. He nodded to me, "How is she?" I shrugged, "Been better." He sighed, "I know. I'm sorry for what I said earlier. About you being the death of her. I didn't mean it. I was just irritated with her and taking it out on you." I nodded, "It's ok. My biggest worry is that you might be right." He frowned, "What do you mean?" I sighed, "If I'm not enough for her, her mother says she will have nothing left. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to her!" I sighed in frustration and Gale said, "Walk with me." I did and we walked down the steps and outdoors. He turned to me and said, "I just wanted to tell you what I think of the whole situation. I've known Katniss my whole life. She's very much kept to herself and apart from me and her family, she hadn't really dealt with _other people_ until the Hunger Games and you come along. I won't lie and pretend I'm not jealous, knowing that I ruined my chances of ever having her as mine…" I felt my jaw tighten then and Gale pushed on, "But I want her to be happy. Ivy thinks that you're the only way for her to be happy, and I hate to say this, but I agree. All I ask is, please don't give up on her."

I was a bit taken aback by all of this. Gale and I had never shared anything in common, except our mutual concern for a girl we both loved, and I was lucky enough to have. I nodded and replied seriously, "Thank you Gale, I appreciate it and I appreciate you still caring for her and protecting her. And for being there when I couldn't." He nodded and smiled, as he held out his hand, "Truce?" he asked. I nodded and shook his hand before we parted our separate ways. He went back to Effie's lodgings, the car ready and waiting for him. I sighed and walked back up the stairs.

 _Gale's P.O.V:_

I hopped back into the car with Mrs Everdeen and Effie. Ivy said to me as she patted my shoulder, "Well done, Gale, that was a very brave thing of you to do." I shrugged my shoulders, "Not really. I think it's been a long time coming. I should have said that to him _years_ ago." Ivy shrugged, "You needn't have to though. I think one of them needs reassurance right now." I sighed and smiled, "Thanks Mrs Everdeen."  
She nodded and I stared out the window at the ruined capitol. I'd accepted now that Katniss would never be mine. I saw what damage it would do to try and convince her that she didn't need Peeta. The damage wasn't worth the risk and I had to accept that. More than anything I wanted her alive and well. If I was lucky, I would get a second chance to be her friend and nothing more. But for now, Katniss being alive and well was all that mattered to me.


	19. More than you'll ever know

After a year of grueling counseling, I was finally given permission to head back to district 12 with Peeta. Serious construction was taking place in the capitol and I was pleased with results. More and more homes were being made and fewer and fewer people were left homeless. I don't know if this was the reason I felt better than normal, but it made me feel happier and like I was doing something worthwhile.

Things with Peeta had improved too since I'd gotten drunk a year ago. I was learning to trust him more now. My psychologist was a Mr Thomas Martin, who I surprisingly liked from day one. He had let me speak on my own terms, and he also had allowed me to reveal as much as I wanted, when I wanted. He didn't push unnecessary buttons, and he got to the point immediately.

He was an elderly man, in his early 60's and he had been a top professional in the capitol before the war. President Paylor had found his name in Snows desk and recommended him to me. Of course, initially I hadn't necessarily enjoyed the sessions, but once I felt more comfortable with him I opened up more easily. The initial topic of discussion in the first several weeks had been about why I was so reliant on Peeta. I said I didn't know, which had been the truth at the time. Now, after months of intense conversations, Mr Martin has finally told me what he thinks is the reason for my issues in our relationship.  
I'm with Mr Martin now as I sit opposite his desk in the main study of Snow's mansion. He turns to me and smiles kindly, "Katniss, I've come to a conclusion. Your father died unexpectedly, leaving you devastated. Your friend, Gale, has left to go and live in district two with this girl Rosemary…and the capitol took Peeta into their possession when they got him out of the arena. I think, and I could be wrong here, but I think you have a fear of people _leaving_."

I was surprised that he'd come to this conclusion. The weird thing was he could be right. I replied to his statement, "Possibly," I said, "But I also think it could be that I've nearly died so many times before that maybe I think _I_ will leave?" He considered me with a smile and he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, "Very plausible. So it's a fear of you dying, mixed with a fear of people leaving. I think you have post traumatic stress Katniss. It could explain your serious mood swings, and your choice to resort to alcohol."

I sighed, "But I haven't had a drop in a year. I only got drunk that one time." He nodded, "Which is progress for sure! But I still want to keep you in the capitol for another few weeks, just to be safe. It's nearly Christmas time. Let's see how you're doing in the New Year, ok? I'll give you my final judgment then." I nodded and sighed as I got up from the end of an hour long session, "Alright," I said resignedly, "Thank you Mr Martin." He nodded his round face and smiled, "Anytime, Katniss."

I walked out to find Peeta waiting for me. He smiled kindly when he saw me and wrapped his hands around my waste, "Hey Katniss. How are you feeling?" Mr Martin came out and nodded to him, "She's improved. Definitely in leaps and bounds, as I'm sure you've seen. I'll see the both of you for another session tomorrow though?" I nodded and smiled at him, "Thanks Mr Martin. See you then."

Peeta held my hand as we walked out of Snow's mansion. I was quiet and so was he. We'd gotten used to being quiet in each other's company. Sometimes it was better than speaking. Peeta broke it first, "What did he say?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I probably have post traumatic stress." He paused on the other side of Phillip's car and stared at me over the roof as we hopped in. Peeta nodded, "Well…I suppose that explains the mood swings." I sighed, "That's what he said. Hi Phillip!" I said to our chauffer, "He nodded with a smile, "Morning Miss Everdeen." I'd walked to Snow's mansion on my own. It was just down the street after all and I had needed the fresh air. Peeta nodded, "Anything else?" I bit my lip, "I'll explain to you at home." He sighed and took my hand in his, gently massaging my palm. It made me relax instantly.  
We got home to find Effie serving dinner and she greeted us warmly, "Oh my dears! We're having spaghetti bolognaise tonight! Peeta's favorite!" He laughed and grinned at her, "Thanks Effie! I'm starving!" We sat down at the dining room table. Nowadays it was just Effie, Haymitch, my mom, Peeta and I. Gale had fallen in love with Rosemary and I was truly happy for him. She lived in District 2, so he had gone to live there with her. This was about five months after the war had ended. It was nice actually, not having Gale around. It caused tension for Peeta when Gale was here, so the less tension the better.

The doorbell rang and Effie got up, "I'll get it!" she said hastily, as she was still standing and the rest of us had sat down. I glanced up as Annie walked in and she was saying to Effie, "Sorry I'm late! It took a while to get Finn to sleep!" Annie had decided against calling her son Finnick. Finn was as close as she could get without using the same name. I thought it was a cute name. About six months ago, she had asked me to be his godmother. I'd been shocked and delighted at the same time. She had told me, "Finnick would have wanted you and no one else. You were his best friend ever since the Quarter Quell." I had been only too happy to accept, even though I didn't know a thing about babies. Peeta had been made godfather and I knew he would be brilliant at it. He had always wanted children.

When Finn was wheeled in Annie's pram, I hopped up from the dining room table. He was about ten months now and fast asleep in his bed. He looked identical to Finnick. He had his had a mop of steadily growing blonde hair, and he had Finnick's brown eyes. I hugged Annie and smiled, "He's getting so big!" Peeta laughed as he came and joined me, "Yes, Katniss, that's what children do! And I'm sure you say that every time!" I rolled my eyes as he winked at me and Annie laughed, "He's definitely bigger. I'm just going to leave him in the lounge so that we can eat in peace."

We had a lovely dinner and when Effie served wine I declined. Peeta did too. When dinner ended, I went to go and check on Finn and Peeta came with me. I stared at my godchild who was sound asleep in his pram. However, he must have heard us walking in as he opened his eyes and beamed at me. I grinned and picked him up in my arms, "You're so precious," I cooed. I had never been one for babies, but as soon as Finn came along I had changed my mind.  
I sat down on the couch and Peeta sat beside me, staring at Finn with as much love in his eyes as in mine. His arm was around my shoulders and he whispered, "Someday, Katniss, do you think we will be able to have our own?" I glanced up at him and smiled softly, "Maybe someday. When it's finally hit me that we no longer have the games to worry about. It still hasn't yet." He nodded, and didn't protest, but I knew he wanted children of his own badly and it made me feel guilty. It was something I had discussed thoroughly with Mr Martin. He'd told me, "Wait until you're ready." The truth was, I don't know if I'd ever feel ready.

Annie came in then and smiled, "Aww that's so cute. He really loves the both of you so much!" I smiled at her and she pulled a camera out of her pocket, "Smile," she said with a grin herself. I grinned genuinely happy. I felt like I had all my family I needed right here, with me.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

Katniss and I had come a long way with our counseling. We each had one on one sessions, and then we had couple sessions too. They were pretty exhausting, especially the couple sessions. Katniss got all embarrassed when it came to speaking about our relationship-what she wanted from it and what I wanted from it. These were two polar opposite things and I think it often stressed her out how different we were in terms of our thoughts of the future. In terms of getting married, we'd come to a decision that we would marry a year from now.

I watched Katniss watch Finn and I knew how great a mother she would be if she let herself. I hoped to the high heavens that it wouldn't take her long to realize that the Hunger Games wouldn't affect our children at all. I reached out to touch little Finn's hand. He laughed and wrapped his hand around one of my fingers. Katniss grinned at me, "You're such a natural at this," she said. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "So are you." Finn had grabbed a piece of her hair in his other hand and watched it in fascination. She laughed and leaned into me. I put the TV on and we watched the news. Not much was happening in the world, apart from people being homeless after the war. There seemed to be a general sense of peace in Panem.

Suddenly Gale appeared beside Rosemary in the weather report at the end and I couldn't help but laugh, "He's doing the weather now! I never pictured him as a weather man." Katniss smirked, "He surprises us all." I laughed at that and Annie shook her head with a smile on her face, "You guys are so mean. At least he bothered to apologize to you before he left, Peeta." I nodded and shrugged, "I suppose so. He didn't have to do that."

We chatted a bit about Finn's christening. Annie wanted it to be next year, once all of the festivities were over. She asked, "Would you guys mind? I know you plan on heading back to District 12, but it would be nice if you could be here, for Finn at least?" I was nodding in agreement before she had even finished and I replied enthusiastically, "Of course, Annie! We wouldn't have it any other way." Katniss nodded in agreement, "Definitely. I wouldn't miss it!"

At ten Annie departed and I hugged her goodnight. Katniss and I retired to our bedroom after saying goodnight to everyone else. We hadn't become intimate yet because I knew Katniss wasn't ready for it. It was something we spoke about with our psychologist during our couple sessions. I would happily wait until she was ready. We'd come very close, but I'd stopped her at the last minute and reminded her of the reasons she hadn't wanted it. I didn't want her to regret anything.

Katniss whispered as we walked across the back lawn to our temporary home, "Peeta, just so you know…I _do_ want a family with you one day." My heart nearly skipped a beat just hearing her saying those words. I whispered back as I opened the sliding door, "Katniss, I've said it before and I will say it again, it's all on your terms. It's your decision. I have nothing to do with it." Katniss shook her head, "That's where you're wrong Peeta. It's your choice too. I just want you to know, that if there's _anyone_ in the whole wide world I would do it with, it would be _you_. I love you more than I could ever tell you, Peeta. You're all I need. And you have to know that someday it will happen."

She stared at me as she said this without blinking an eye and it was all I needed to hear. I kissed her furiously then and I refused to be the first to gasp for air. She was and I smiled against her neck as I kissed fiery kisses down to her collar bone. She stopped me only to undress herself so that she was in her underwear as she let her dress fall around her legs. I let her undress me also and I closed my eyes, swallowing throatily. We kissed each other until we were dilly and ended up just lying beside each other on the bed.

I was staring at her, caressing her side and I sighed as I stared into her bright blue eyes, "What made you…feel that way?" Katniss shrugged, "Holding Finn in my arms made me want to have my own children. It would take one hell of a person to make me change my mind on something I've been so certain of for so long. And I believe I've found the one."

I rested my head against her shoulder and whispered, "I love you Katniss. More than you'll ever know." I closed my eyes as she stroked the back of my neck with her fingertips, "I love you, Peeta Mellark, more than you will ever know." It had become our mantra to each other in the last year-something we said when we needed reassurance-kind of like our real or not real. It helped us reassure the other of how much we love them. And every time Katniss said it, I still couldn't believe that she was mine.

 _A/N: Yay! Katniss finally realizing how much she loves Peeta! Enough to convince her to change her mind hopefully! This is probably one of the last chapters. It's not going to be a very long story but thank you so much to everyone who has been enjoying it thus far! The support has been phenomenal!_


	20. A Good Day

Peeta and I spent Christmas with our family. It was the first one I had actually felt like celebrating in _years_. I woke up on Christmas morning by being kissed all over my face, like I had done to him some time ago. He knew that this was how I loved being woken up, and I squealed in delight. Once he was done he kissed my cheek softly and whispered, "Merry Christmas, my beautiful Katniss." I leant up and whispered, "Merry Christmas, my love."

We stayed in bed for an hour, curled up and just kissing and loving each other. I lay with my head against his chest. I thought a lot about Prim as it was my first Christmas without her. Peeta knew I had been dreading it in some ways and so he said we could keep it low key this year. I had appreciated that. But, when I did climb out of bed eventually and got dressed, he told me, "Close your eyes, Katniss."  
I did so and I felt him wrap a necklace around my neck. I hadn't realized I was breathing heavily as he whispered, "Open your eyes." I did, and I was facing the long mirror on our bedroom wall. I gasped at what I saw-a plain, white opal heart cut perfectly in shape, sitting in the middle of a silver chain. I shook my head in awe and turned to face Peeta, wrapping my hands around my neck as I smiled, "You didn't have to, but thank you! You're too generous!" I kissed him gently and his lips molded to mine as I sighed. He laughed, "You haven't seen the best part yet. Turn it over." I did as I was told and I saw the words engraved in tiny writing: _more than you'll ever know_.

I felt a tear appear in my eye and Peeta laughed, "This shouldn't make you feel sad," he whispered. I shook my head, "No…I'm just overwhelmed. I didn't expect it. We said no presents!" I said irritably. I stomped my foot and he laughed again, "Did you just stomp your foot?!" I smirked, "Maybe I did, well luckily I didn't listen to you either!" He groaned, "What did you do?!"

I smiled and fished out a present which I had wrapped as best as I could. I handed it to him and I said, "It was something I know you'll need when we head back to 12." He smiled curiously and kissed my cheek, "Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be brilliant!" I blushed as he opened the wrapping excitedly. He pulled out a wooden box which had a handle on it and his name engraved on the top. He grinned, "Is this what I think it is?" I shrugged my shoulders and said casually, "Possibly…"

He unlocked the box and he gasped, "Wow! Katniss…this is _unbelievable_!" He pulled out rows and rows of paintbrushes with his name inscribed on them too, as well as tubs of paints at the bottom, and tubes on top. There were water paints, acrylic paints, and types of paints I knew nothing about. Some created texture, and some created layers, or so the lady who had opened the new art shop down the street told me. There were also pencils galore, and it was exactly what I had wanted to get him. In 12, we were in short supply of food, let alone paints, so I had chosen to buy him a portable artistic set.

Peeta was still rummaging through the box and I smiled, "I'll go and shower should I, while you play with your toy." I winked and he rushed over to me then as I turned my back and he lifted me off the ground and beamed, "You're the best! I love you." He said easily, "I love you too," I responded. It had taken me a long time to become comfortable using those words with him, but I was getting used to it. He was still grinning and searching through his art kit once I had finished in the shower.

Peeta went to go and shower and I dressed while I waited for him before we went so we could go and greet everyone else together. I made a little more effort than usual and wore a white, lace knee length dress, with a black belt around the middle which had long lacy sleeves covering my chest and arms. I paired it with black pumps and even wore some make-up and red lipstick. We were both in such a happy mood that I hoped today was a day we could both keep it together for everyone's sake. When Peeta finally finished putting on a pair of beige shorts and a blue shirt that bought out his eyes, he wolf whistled, "If only you could dress like this _every day_!" I raised my eyebrow, "Why? How I dress on a daily basis isn't good enough for you?" I winked at him and he rolled his eyes, "Can't I give my girl a compliment?" I smiled, "I suppose so."

I did feel a bit disappointed when I walked out of the house and I knew that I wouldn't be seeing Prim. Peeta took my hand in his and kissed it gently, "Katniss…you're allowed to feel sad." He knew me so well he could tell how I felt just by a mere _glance_. I shook my head, "I know. I just, want it to be a good day for all of us." Peeta smiled in understanding, "I know. But if it gets too much, you know what you have to do."  
We'd developed a system where, if I wanted to retire and I needed alone time, I would tap his foot three times and then he would make an excuse for us to leave. I loved him for just being there for me and doing the things that I struggled with-like making conversation or responding appropriately. I was improving, but he was still the natural.

We entered the house arm in arm and Effie greeted us with a squeal, "Merry Christmas my two favorite lovebirds!" She half sang. I hugged her, as did Peeta, and my mom was behind her, as usual. She smiled bleakly and hugged me tightly, "Merry Christmas Katniss…" I knew today was going to be even harder for her than it was for me, and for me it was already hard enough.

Haymitch was the next to greet us, with a slap on the shoulder and a general nod to me, "Merry Christmas, lovebirds. Took the two of you long enough to get up!" I blushed furiously and Peeta rolled his eyes and laughed, "Haymitch, you know it's not like that." Haymitch retorted, " _Yet_." He raised an eyebrow as if to dare either of us to contradict him. It was not the first of many inappropriate sexual jokes which Haymitch had uttered around my _mother_.

There was a knock on the door and Effie said, "I'll get it!" Annie had arrived with Finn, and instantly I felt a pang in my chest. Finnick should be here. Finnick _and_ Prim. It made my heart ache to know that he couldn't spend his first Christmas with his own son. Peeta noticed me daze off into my thoughts and he whispered, "Katniss…"

I nodded and whispered, "Sorry…just…Finnick." Peeta nodded, "You don't need to apologize, remember?" It was one of the things we often talked about in couples counseling-I always felt the need to apologize even when I hadn't done anything wrong. I almost said, 'I'm sorry,' for constantly saying I'm sorry when I nodded and bit my tongue. Peeta smiled at me knowingly.

Annie came into the crowded kitchen and hugged me tightly, "You look amazing, Katniss! Happy Christmas!" I smiled at her kindly, "Merry Christmas, Annie! You look fantastic too!" And she was. She was wearing a long, white gown which fitted her perfectly. I went to the living room and beamed at Finn in his pram, "Hello little Finn! Happy Christmas!" I said happily as I put my finger in his hand. He laughed in delight and a smile lit up his face. I laughed as he clenched and opened his little hands. Annie grinned too, "It means he wants you!" I picked him up gently and nuzzled my face into his, "Who's the cutest boy on the planet?" I sometimes couldn't believe the things that came out of my mouth when I spoke to Finn! It was so uncharacteristic of me. Peeta laughed from behind me, "I hope I am?" His head was just above my shoulder as he stared at Finn in the same way I did-with adoration in his eyes. I laughed and said, " _Apart_ from you, Peeta!"  
Annie chuckled, "You guys are so sweet." That's when Effie called, "Katniss! I need your help!" I ran into the kitchen and Haymitch came out drinking a beer. Effie was letting him drink today for the first time in a _whole year_. He murmured, "Try to help her _not_ set the place on fire please! Your mother is in there too. I think they need help." I nodded and thanked him for the heads up.

Effie sighed in relief, "Ok, Katniss, I need you on salad duty. Green salad and potato salad. Can you do that?" I nodded as Peeta came in, "Can I help?" I shook my head and Effie said in a high pitch voice, "Just stay in there and keep our guests entertained, Peeta! You're good at that!" Next to arrive was Johanna, much to my irritation. I had asked Effie not to invite her, but Effie had said it would look rude.

I'd tried my best with Johanna, really I had. I just preferred not to be around her as much as possible anymore. And I thought to myself while I cut the cucumber, 'It's a good day. It's a good day,' like a mantra. Johanna came in, wearing a miniskirt and tank top. Her hair has re-grown so that now it was in a cute pixie cut. I thought her outfit was a little informal for Christmas lunch but I didn't issue my opinion. She greeted us and smirked, "Katniss, I have to say I'd never thought I'd see you behind a knife again, especially wearing something like _that_." I bit my inner lip and said, "Hi Johanna. Happy Christmas to you too." I forced a smile. She shrugged, "Pity, I was expecting a comeback, not a dismissal. Finnick would have called the get up you're wearing your 'little girl dresses'. Also merry Christmas everyone." Everyone greeted her and I scowled and she walked off.

Effie sighed and my mother whispered to me, "Good job, Katniss." I nodded and smiled in thanks. Effie nodded in agreement from beside me as she struggled with the turkey, "Good job, my dear. You seem to be dealing with her much better." I nodded and murmured, "Just because its better, doesn't mean it's _easy_." Effie sighed, "I know. But today's a good day. And there will be no fits of jealousy or sadness today!" We'd come to an agreement last night around the dining room table that we would all make the effort to make Christmas day a good day.

It all went smoothly, and I was finally done with both of my salads around 12pm. I went to go and join Peeta and everyone else in the living room. I found Johanna chatting amicably away to everyone and sitting right next to my fiancé. Mr Martin and I had discovered a way to deal with this jealousy that got the better of me whenever this girl was around in a more subtle way. Her hand was on his knee for a second while she told him some joke or other and he laughed.

I casually sat down next to Peeta and squeezed his knee obviously, interrupting by saying, "Just waiting for the turkey which should take half an hour. The lamb is already done." He smiled at me and kissed my cheek, "Thanks Katniss," he said, and took my hand in his, lacing his fingers in between mine. I squeezed his hand tightly so he knew I was feeling uncomfortable. Silent communication was a key in our relationship-it was how we could communicate to each other without others noticing. It was working like a charm and it made me feel better if he knew what I was thinking without having to voice it.

I spoke to Annie most of the time while we waited-we mostly about Finn's christening. Just before we were about to go and eat she said to me, "Have you started thinking about your wedding?" I frowned and replied, "Peeta and I have decided to marry a year from now. The weird thing is, I already feel _ready_. And I know I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else. My life depends on him. I just don't want to rush things." Annie sighed, "It's scary isn't it, that love can be so powerful and so demanding?" I nodded, "I completely know what you mean. It's all consuming. I've never been dependent on anyone, so feeling like I _need_ Peeta is a huge step for me."

Annie smiled, "And it shows. Like, when they began injecting us with the tracker jacker venom, they started with Peeta. He resisted it for so long, as long as he could. He's a very strong man and I think them taking him away from himself was the _worst_ thing they could have done to the both of you. I tried to help him when I could. But it didn't do much good." She sighed as she stared down at Finn, and I was listening with rapt attention. Annie continued, "When he came back from the interview with Flickerman and he had warned you of the invasion, he was fighting with the guards. He told them, "I love her! If you do anything to her, I'll _kill_ you!" This was already after several shots of venom."

I hadn't realized until now that the room had gone quiet and everyone was listening to Annie's story. She'd never told me this before and I'm not sure if Peeta remembered. But he was looking at her intensely and Annie glanced up, blushing to find everyone watching her. Even Johanna hadn't made a snide remark as Annie said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring this up. I just thought…she knew." I smiled and shook my head, "It's ok, Annie." She just shrugged, "My point is, it shows how strong you are Peeta. And it shows how much love you have for Katniss."

Haymitch raised his beer, "Here! Here!" he said and Johanna laughed, "It's sweet to be sure." She winked at me and I smiled gratefully, which is when Effie came in to announce, "Christmas lunch is served!" I piled on food until I could eat no more. Effie was dressed all out Christmas themed. It was the most she resembled her old, eccentric self since the war had ended. Her jersey was green with reindeers and she had wrapped tinsel around her neck. It made me smile.

We ate, laughed and talked for hours. It was a happy afternoon and as good as I thought it would be. I didn't have too many sad moments which was a bonus. Then next we did presents. Effie had made me a Christmas jersey similar to her own but in red. I had thanked her profusely. I'd never had one before. She also handed me another square shaped present. She smiled softly, "This…this is from Cinna." I swallowed hard and opened it slowly. I saw the leather cover of the book and found the Mockingjay manual he had created for me. I grinned profusely, "Thank you, Effie. It means the world to me."

My mom gave me a picture of Prim and I nearly burst into tears. She said, "It's for you to keep in 12." I hugged her until I nearly squeezed the air out of her lungs. We hadn't taken many family pictures over the years so for her to give this one-my favorite one of Prim where she was smiling from ear to ear-was a blessing. She had also given me an envelope which she had instructed for me to read later when I was alone. I had nodded and thanked her.

Annie gave me a beautiful, leather watch with a Mockingjay symbol on the face. I gasped and she said, "It belonged to Finnick. He bought it after the Quarter Quell but never wore it." I jumped and shook my head with my mouth open, "No! Annie, you should keep it then! I can't have this…" Annie smiled and said, "Turn over the box."

On the outside of the box it read in Finnick's untidy scrawl:

 _Dear Katniss_

 _This is for you. I got it before my wedding and thought I should give it to you for your birthday, or Christmas, or something like that, if we make it out of this mess with the war. Thank you for being a great friend, a partner in crime, and a sister._

 _Also if I am no longer around, make_ sure _that she makes you and Peeta godparents. Show her on the box if need be, but it's a_ must _from my side of things anyway._

 _With love_

 _Finnick_

 _P.S: I hope you still like sugar cubes._

I felt a tear spring to my eyes and Annie laughed, handing me a packet full of sugar cubes, "He got these for you too." I dropped everything on the floor and gave her the biggest hug I had ever given anyone. I swallowed hard, trying not to cry, "Thanks Annie," I choked, "These are the best presents ever!" I smiled at everyone gratefully. Johanna smiled, "I wasn't sure what to get you, so I got you a bunch of bows and arrows. I wasn't sure if you still had any." I laughed and nodded, "Thank you! I'll need them for hunting in 12."

I got up and got my present for Finn from under the tree. One gift had been a big teddy bear which had his name written on the jacket that it wore-Effie had done that for me. The other, was a combined one gift Peeta and myself. It was a thin little piece of card inside a card. Annie grinned and read out loud:

 _Dear Finn_

 _There is so much to say in one letter that cannot be said, but we will try to the best of our abilities. We're sorry we may not be there_ all _time, but we_ can _promise you that we will make special trips to the capitol to come and visit our dearest godson. We love you to the moon and back and we want nothing but the best for you._

 _Be good to your mommy and give her lots of hugs and kisses from us. We can't wait to see you all grown up!_

 _Lots of Love_

 _Peeta and Katniss_

Annie beamed and got up to hug us both. Peeta laughed, "You haven't even opened the present yet!" She grinned, "I know, but the fact that you will come and visit him is more than enough for me!" I laughed and replied, "Annie, we would have it no other way." Johanna rolled her eyes and interrupted, "Excuse me for interrupting the love fest, but can we _see_ what the present is now please!" From the card, Annie pulled a thin card out. It was a bank card and her jaw just about dropped to the ground. She gasped, "Wha-?!" Peeta explained quickly before she protested, "It's for when he's grown up and eighteen. Until then, it's in your control and you can do what you want with it. We will pay you monthly for everything you need and there's already a substantial amount on it for the next year…" He was rambling and I knew he was worried, that she would reject the help. But she shook her head in awe, "You too…are… _the best godparents in the world!_ " She jumped up and hugged us again. We got up too and I saw the brightness of the flash of a camera go off. I laughed, truly happy for the first time in as long as I could remember. Today had been a good day.

 _A/N This was the longest chapter I've written so far! Yay! Thank you all again for the wonderful support and I hope you enjoy it!_


	21. To Our Future

When we finally went back to our room, I felt exhausted but happy. Peeta asked me as he kissed my cheek, "So, was it good day?" I beamed from ear to ear, "It was the _best_ day! Thank you!" He wrapped his arms around my waist, "It's not only me who made it the best day." I shrugged, "But you make every day my best day." He grinned and I rested my head against his chest, "If only everyday could be like this," I murmured. He sighed, "Well, maybe if we make this much of an effort every day, it can be." I nodded, contemplating that.  
We stood there for a while, just embracing each other, when I remember, "Oh! The envelope! I've been desperate to open it!" Peeta smiled, taking it out of his coat, "It's here…Do you want to read it?" I shook my head, "Can you read it to me, please?" He raised his eyebrows, " _Me_ …?" I nodded and he sighed, opening it and pulling the contents out, "Ok…here it goes…" he said. Before he began to read, he startled, "It's from your sister! Are you sure…" I nodded, "You're so good at reading properly. Please?" I smiled at him encouragingly and he shook his head in disbelief and began to read:

 _Dear Katniss_

 _I'm writing this letter because I've just found out you left to go and fight. I wouldn't have expected anything less of you. You are the_ strongest _woman I know and I couldn't be prouder of you! You've come such a long way since you volunteered for me. I can't think of surviving the Hunger Games once, much less twice. You are my savior in every way and no amount of thanking you can tell you how much I truly appreciate it. You volunteering for me was the kindest, most brave and selfless thing a person could do and I love you with all of my heart for it, as terrified as I was that you were going to die._

 _That being said, I hope you make it out of all of this alive. If anyone deserves to live a long and happy life, it's you my brave sister. You've sacrificed so much for everyone else and I like to think that you will marry Peeta one day, live in a house with my little nieces or nephews…"_ At this point, Peeta paused and glanced up to look at me. He murmured, "Are you _sure_ you don't…" I shook my head, "No! Please carry on!" I had been listening with rapt attention. Peeta swallowed and continued reading, " _My only advice is: trust him, Katniss. I know right now he might not be stable, but I know, deep down beneath it all, he loves you more than any other person in the world. No-one could ever make you happier, and that's including Gale. Peeta has been willing to die for you so many times and I think that speaks wonders above anything he may ever say or do. He is kind, honest, and caring and brave, and he is the best person in the world to be my brother in law. I hope, that somewhere inside of you, you know this is the truth. Just do me a favor and look after him, even if you don't end up with him although I sincerely hope you do._

 _With regards to mom, look after her too, please. She's changed a lot in the time that we've been down here in 13, and I know you two don't always get along well, but I need you to do that if for whatever reason I'm not there to. She's lost so much and of course I will do my share if you don't survive, but I pray to God every day that you will! Please survive, Katniss, for all of us._

 _I hope we all make it out of this. I look forward to our future. I look forward to having a family again- a_ proper _family. I love you, and I love Peeta too. Look after yourselves._

 _With all of my love_

 _Prim_

 _xxx_

By the end of this letter I was crying and Peeta was staring at the letter in wonder. He stood up from the bed where he had perched to read and he smiled at me as I choked out, "She couldn't have said it all any better. If I needed confirmation about who to marry, she had given it to me. I never doubted, but having her verify my gut instincts helped made me feel better and less hopeless about this whole situation.

Peeta pulled me onto the bed with him and held me in his arms until I stopped crying. He whispered in my ear, "She couldn't have given me a better present either." I laughed at that and kissed him forcefully. I whispered in his ear, "I love you Peeta. So much. And I'm not just saying that because of the letter." He beamed, "I love you, Katniss. More than you'll ever know." We kissed for what felt like forever and I whispered in his ear, "Peeta…I'm ready." He froze and stared at me with something more intense than love in his eyes before he whispered throatily, "Katniss…are…are you sure?" I nodded because I knew now more than ever how much I loved him. We kissed and loved and kissed until we fell asleep much later that morning.


	22. I need you

_A/N: Please note this chapter takes place yet another YEAR after the previous chapter as they agreed to get married a year from then! Thanks!_

It is our wedding day and I felt extremely nervous! We were having a very small wedding. I hadn't wanted anything nearly as fancy and big as I was supposed to have when Peeta proposed the first time. I had hardly slept a wink last night because I was so nervous! We'd been living in District 12 for the last ten months, and had come back in November to the capitol in order to organize our everything.

Effie, was of course in charge of all of the arrangements. Effie was my maid of honor. She'd practically fallen over backwards when I'd asked her to be. She'd been the only _real_ female companion I'd ever had for the last four years-one who was genuinely concerned for my well being. It made me feel sad in some ways though, because I know Prim _definitely_ would have been my maid of honor if she'd been around, but I couldn't change that.  
Effie was also my make-up artist and the designer of my dress. She'd basically planned and organized everything. I knew from day one she'd be a _lot_ better than even my best attempts at all of this. I just wanted to have a wedding so I could be married to Peeta. The last few months had proved all of that.

My dress I was currently wearing while Effie painted heavy layers of make-up onto my face was a very simple, white dress. It had fairly wide, but short straps at the top which were covered in silver glitter. Effie had added the glitter even though I had begged her not to. She had told me, "Katniss, I've respected all of your wishes so far, but you are a _bride_ and you will look beautiful in this dress nonetheless, but a touch of glitter won't harm anyone!" She'd been right of course. Now when I looked at it, I actually quite liked it. The straps led into a simple v-neck which had small traces of beads outlining the v shape but that's it. Otherwise it flowed down simply straight to the floor and was tailored to my figure perfectly. My hair was done up in my signature French braid, but instead of lying across my shoulder, it fell down my back. The front parts of my hair were done up elegantly with blue clips my mother had worn in her wedding-something old, something borrowed and something blue.

Johanna's voice from right before Flickerman's interview flashed through my mind, 'A wedding dress-really?' She had been extremely sarcastic and when I had told her that Snow made me wear it, she had said, 'Make him pay for it.' The thought made me smile. Effie asked briskly, "What are you smiling about, dear Katniss?" I laughed, "Just when I was last in a wedding dress."  
Effie sighed and shook her head, "Don't think such dismal thoughts on such a beautiful day, Katniss!" We were sitting in her bedroom upstairs and finally she finished the last touch, "Done! Have a look!" I opened my eyes and grinned, "Effie! You're wonderful! Thank you so much! For everything!"

I stared at myself longer than I was used to. She'd done my make-up so naturally, just like I'd wanted! My eyes were lightly highlighted with a golden glow and my lips were a rose-pink matte color. I stood up and hugged her, and said, "I just want to say…thank you for being the best mother-like figure I have in my life. I love you, Effie." She began tearing and she slapped herself and said sternly, "Oh stop it Effie! You'll ruin your make-up!" I laughed and she hugged me tightly, " Just be the best wife you can be, Katniss! I know you will!" I smiled and Annie came in, as well as my own mother. My mom beamed, "Katniss, you look beautiful!" I hugged her too, as well as Annie. She was also a bridesmaid. My mom wore a knee length green dress Effie had made for her. She'd made a similar one for Annie too. I said, "You look lovely too mom. The both of you do." I smiled at Annie.

Haymitch came in then and smiled at me, "Katniss, I only have one thing to say. Even though you may be a pain in the rear sometimes…" this caused everyone to laugh, even my mom, "I still think of you like a daughter." I hugged him too. He grinned at me, "Knock him dead," was his final words to me with a wink. Annie followed him and waited outside.

I felt suddenly extremely nervous. I was about to commit most of my life to Peeta…the idea freaked me out! I turned to my mom and gasped, "He…mom…what if…what if I can't do this? What if…he'll leave me? What if…" My mother smiled and clasped my hand in hers, "Katniss my dear, if there is one thing I'm certain of, is that Peeta will _never_ leave you! You've come so far, what would be his reasoning for turning back now, or ever? I've never seen someone love another person more than the both of you. It's meant to be Katniss, and I _firmly_ believe that!" It was weird. After years of one liner sentences and solitude, my mother finally seemed to be able to express herself. I don't know what it was that had made her so much more alive and that gave her so much vigor, but I didn't question it. I think Prim's death might have shocked her back into reality. For years I believed she was lost in her own world, unaware of others. But now it was like she finally realized what was real and what was not-much like Peeta and myself.

I inhaled sharply and Effie said, "Come on, we've got a bit more to do still!" I sighed and sat down in the chair. I ached for Prim to be there, but at the same time I knew it was impossible. I felt tears spring to my eyes and Effie stopped outlining my eyes, "Katniss…?" My lips trembled and I muttered, "It's…its just Prim." I stared at the floor and there was silence in the room. Nobody really knew what to say. What could they say?

I felt the tears flow freely and Effie looked upset that I was messing up her make-up. She sighed, "At least most of its waterproof. Should we give you a few minutes alone?" I nodded and smiled at her gratefully, grabbing a tissue and dabbing at my eyes. I sobbed as they let themselves out of the room and I cried because of the pain and the tightness I felt in my chest. It had nothing to do with Peeta. It was all to do with the fact that Prim wasn't here.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I was standing at the alter waiting anxiously for Katniss. There was a little gazebo above the bench in the garden which I stood under. My best man was Haymitch and President Paylor was ordained and so was conducting the ceremony. I thought Katniss would be down by now. I saw a glimpse of Effie at the door of the kitchen and she was beckoning to Haymitch. He maneuvered to her through the few people seated on chairs and I saw her whispering anxiously in his ear.  
Haymitch looked troubled and turned to face the seven or so guests that were outside with us-Rosemary, Gale, Annie, Johanna, President Paylor, Phillip (our chauffer), Mr Martin and Finn. Haymitch smiled at me reassuringly as he said, "Everything is ok, folks. Our bride just has a few finishing touches to make." By the look on his face I could tell that he was lying and something else was going on. My heart lurched in my chest and I wondered for the thousandth time that day if she was getting cold feet. The closer we got to the wedding, the more withdrawn Katniss had become.

Haymitch twitched his head over his shoulder and I knew he wanted me inside. I left my post and hurried into the main building, closing the door behind me. He whispered fretfully, "Katniss is having a breakdown." I sighed, "I knew it! She doesn't want to do this!" Haymitch shook his head, "It's not that at all! She's…upset that her sister isn't here." I swallowed and glanced up the stairs leading to Effie's bedroom. Katniss had not cried much about her sister. She pretended as though it was just a fact-that her sister had died. I knew how much she missed her, and I knew she was keeping it in. Maybe she had cried in her sessions with Mr Martin, but she never cried in front of me.

I asked Haymitch throatily, "Do you think I could…? Would they let me talk to her?" Haymitch shrugged, "You won't know until you try. I think Effie might have a blue eyed fit though." I nodded and headed up the stairs two feet at a time.

 _Katniss's P.O.V:_

I heard Peeta's voice and my tears stopped in their tracks down my face. I was lying with my head resting on the edge of the bed, my dress sprawled around me. When I heard him asking outside, "Can I speak to her?" I heard Effie say indignantly, "Absolutely not! I will not have it!" I listened attentively to the sound of his voice-it was the only thing that calmed me these days.

He sighed irritably, "Can I just talk to her, from this side of the door, please?" My heartbeat sped up and I hurried over to the door, opening it a crack, "Peeta?" I whispered. Effie sighed and gave up, "Fine! But the minute you're done, call me! I need to neaten up her face!" She stormed off down the stairs by the sound of it, Haymitch following her and my mom too.  
I reached around the crack of the door in search for his hand. Any small form of contact would help. He was silent for a second as he took my hand and whispered, "Katniss…Prim loves you and I know she would give _anything_ to be here right now." I was quiet as I clung to his words and he continued, "In fact, she's probably watching us right now and wondering what on earth the hold-up is for!" This made me laugh and Peeta said, "Unless it's just a bout of cold feet…which is fine. You can take as long as you need. Nobody is in a rush here." I sighed, "Not true, Peeta. You've wanted this for a long time." I could almost _hear_ him smile as he replied, "So I can wait a little longer if need be."  
I shook my head furiously, even though he couldn't see me and said sharply, " _No,_ Peeta, you've waited long enough. You shouldn't have to wait anymore." He was silent before whispering, "I hope you're not marrying me out of guilt…" I snapped at that, "I can't _believe_ you'd think that of _me_!" Peeta sighed, "It's only because you're known to have a guilty conscience." I sighed, "Peeta, I haven't wanted to tell you this because I'm worried I'll sound desperate and needy and those are things I'm not…" I couldn't believe he _still_ didn't believe I loved him. Typical of us that we would be fighting right before our wedding! I continued, "I _need_ you Peeta. If you're not in my life, I don't know what I'll do. I need you to sleep. And I need you to breathe. I need you to feel whole. And if that isn't good enough for you, then maybe we shouldn't be walking down the aisle right now." There was silence again before he whispered, "You need me?" I could tell he was beaming inside out- I was so in tune with his whole being. I replied, "Yes. More than I've ever needed anyone. Just the fact that you're _here_ has stopped my crying. You can't go about mistaking these other…upsets in my life as _your_ fault. They have nothing to do with you, not directly anyway. So stop thinking you're not enough!" I realized that as I said them, I was being a hypocrite. I'd done the _exact_ same thing to him, by believing that I wasn't enough. Peeta whisperd, "Well I think we've come to some sort of understanding then?" I nodded and he gently massaged my palm through the door, "I think so. I love you, Peeta." He said instantly, an automatic response now, "I love you too, Katniss. Let's get married!"

 _A/N: Hope you all enjoy this! It's been a long time coming and I'm sorry for not posting sooner! Life has been quite busy!_


	23. The odds were in our favor

An hour and a half later once Effie had rectified my make-up, I stood up out of that ghastly dresser chair. Effie beamed, "Finally! My work of art!" I glanced out the window-the sun had started setting. I panicked, "How long have they been waiting there?" My mother smiled, "About three hours!" I sighed and shook my head, "I'm sorry," I said. My mother shrugged, "Don't worry! They've been happily snacking on eats and dips so long."

I nodded and Effie quickly took a few pictures on her fancy camera of me, me with mom, and me with Annie (my bridesmaid) and herself. I felt a lot calmer since "seeing" Peeta. I hadn't seen him since dinner had slept without him-on the other side of my mother's bed. Now that I thought about it, it made sense why I had hardly slept, and when I had why the nightmares came back.

My mom was walking me down the aisle. I slipped the garter up my leg which Effie had made for me too. I inhaled deeply and my mother nodded, "You'll be great! Just breathe." I smiled nervously. Thankfully, I was wearing pumps so I didn't risk falling over on my face. My mother wrapped her arm in mine and nodded, "I think we should get going." As I walked down the hallway I heard the song I had picked " _A Thousand Years_ ," playing loudly in the background as I descended the stairs.

I breathed in time to the music and tried to keep myself from shaking. ' _Peeta_. _Peeta_. _Peeta,'_ was all I could think. Effie walked a few paces in front of me, in an ankle length, green wrap dress-something else she had made, which was beautiful and suited her perfectly. Annie walked just in front of her, in a similar outfit. When I reached the outskirts of the kitchen, I stepped down nervously the last two steps and I saw a flash going off. I blinked rapidly before glancing up and finding Peeta grinning at me, in a classic black and white tuxedo. He had clearly also decided to go against typical capitol clothing choices, just like me, but he beamed at me like…like I was his everything. And in that moment, I felt like I was-was everything to him, at least.  
Now I couldn't _wait_ to be his. It felt like ever since I'd met him, every moment with him had been leading up to this. My heart pounded in my chest and I smiled at him reassuringly. The sun was setting behind him over the trees which dotted around the gazebo. It was _perfect_ and in that moment, I knew I would be with Peeta for the rest of our lives, and I wouldn't regret this decision. Up until now, I had been doubtful, and fearful of what might come. But now, as my mother handed me over with a smile on her face, I felt at peace, but more importantly, I felt _loved_.

President Paylor had kept the vows short and sweet, as requested. We didn't want anything long and drawn out; we just wanted to get to the point. When we kissed, there had been a round of applause and whooping (it sounded like Haymitch) and then we danced our first dance to _All of Me_. I rested my head on Peeta's shoulder and he whispered in my ear, "Mrs Katniss Mellark." I shivered at the name and I could feel him grin as he twirled me around effortlessly. I almost started laughing when he sang softly in my ear, " _…all your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections_." I hadn't realized he was so good at signing until then. I'd never heard him sing before. But of _course_ he was good at singing! He was good at _everything_! I couldn't compete with him, I couldn't even try. But I didn't feel like I needed to anymore.

After that my mother and I danced and I couldn't help but think of the last time I danced- at Finnick's wedding with Prim and mom. My mother smiled at me as we twirled each other around and she said, "Your sister would be very proud of you." I nodded, knowing she was right. I could almost _feel_ her presence, and for a moment, it didn't feel like she was gone.

After a couple of dances, we sat down for dinner. Effie had hired a private caterer who was doing everything for us. There were enough of us to fit around one, big circular table, which was nice because it meant I got to speak to everyone. Rosemary, I discovered, had been asked to be the photographer. Peeta stood up and tapped his champagne glass- I was letting myself have one or two drinks this evening and so was he.  
Peeta couldn't stop staring at me and for once I actually didn't mind the attention as he said smoohtly, "To my beautiful bride, Katniss- a girl who I've always loved, but never thought I would end up with: no words can describe how _lucky_ I am to be in this position where I can say, that you are mine! I never thought, in a million years, that I had a chance with you, even before the Hunger Games. I thought I was doomed to watch you in school hallways for the rest of my life. Even though we've been through many…trying and difficult times over the last few years, I'm happy to say that watching you from the sidelines wasn't my fate. I've watched you turn from the girl you were to the incredible woman you've become- the one that's inspired _many_. I'm truly inspired by you Katniss- by your love and compassion and your courage. I'm so grateful I get to walk the rest of my life with you at my side and I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart, and you deserve nothing but the best. I hope to live up to that and be your best." I beamed at him, "You already are," I whispered hoarsely. He raised his glass, "To Katniss!" Everyone raised their glasses and said in unison "To Katniss."  
I wondered if I had to make a speech. Everyone knew I wasn't good with words. I stood up anyway and said nervously, "Well…you all know the journey Peeta and I have been on to get here…and we've still got a long way to go, I don't deny that." I stared at him intensely and spoke directly to him, "But I have faith and believe that anything is possible. We've come this far, and I used to doubt a lot, but I don't anymore. So here's to the future." I raised my glass, and everyone around the table stood up, "To the future!" they all chimed.

Haymitch stood up unexpectedly as everyone sat down and he chuckled, "I never thought we'd be here, where the girl on fire would marry the bakers boy." He laughed and everyone looked a bit awkward. I knew how they felt. Effie snapped, "Haymitch! You can't say that!" She smiled at everyone apologetically. I saw a flash go off as Haymitch chuckled again, "Calm down Effie, I'm not drunk yet." Everyone laughed and he nodded, "But I have to say, as your mentor, I'm happy that we _are_ here. I never thought I'd see the day when Katniss would put aside her troubles and her worries to _properly_ fall in love with the boy who she pretended to love for so long." I bit my lip and glared at him, not entirely sure where he was going with this. Haymitch nodded at me, "But, like Peeta said, she has turned her into a woman who actually cares for someone else more than she cares for herself. I'm proud of you Katniss. To the happy couple!" I wasn't quite sure how to take this speech and I kind of stared at him, trying to figure out if it was a compliment or not. Haymitch laughed at my confused expression, "It's a compliment, girl." I nodded albeit skeptically. Typical of Haymitch to be slightly sarcastic in my wedding speech.

My mother stood up next to me and I was extremely surprised, I nearly fell out of my chair. She smiled at me kindly. She glanced at Gale and said, "I have to say Katniss that Peeta is not the man who I thought you would marry…"there was a silence as Gale shifted in his chair awkwardly," But I'm ever so pleased that he was. I can see how much you've grown. You've come out of your shell, even if you may not realize it. Peeta makes you happy and that is pretty obvious for anyone with eyes to see. I know you wish your sister was here more than anything in the world, and I'm sorry I can't give her to you, but I know she is here in spirit." She swallowed, "I promise to be a better mother from now on and I only hope that you and Peeta find peace, love and happiness. You deserve nothing less. To Katniss and Peeta!" We all raised our glasses again and I whispered to him, "More than you'll ever know." He grinned back at me, "More than you'll ever know," he repeated.

The rest of the evening passed without a hitch and I actually found myself to be having a good time. Peeta and I did karaoke on a machine that Effie had hired. It was to our song- _Crazy Little Thing Called Love_. He was brilliant at it of course, and I was terrible but it didn't matter. I enjoyed myself so much and ended up laughing at how bad I was! Finn had to be moved upstairs because he had by now, fallen asleep a long time ago and the music was loud.

Effie had also hired a DJ to jam for us throughout the night. We danced to all of our favorites and by the end of it all I was exhausted. I hadn't been told, but Effie had organized for a three tiered cake to be made. Peeta and I cut it together and Johanna yelled, "You've got to shove the cake in her mouth, Peeta!" I frowned in confusion-not having ever heard of this tradition- and was _still_ unprepared when he did! It caused me to laugh really hard as he smeared it all over my face. I took a piece out carefully and then slammed it against his mouth. He laughed and then moved forward and kissed me, cake and all. Everyone laughed and I felt myself blushing! That was the most embarrassing and funniest kiss of all time.

The last thing we did was throw the garter and bouquet. It had been Effie's idea for Peeta to wiggle it down my leg-she said she had done it at her wedding, but her marriage hadn't ended well so they divorced. I suddenly felt _incredibly_ embarrassed and I felt blush spread to my cheeks as Peeta got on his knees and slid his hands up my leg to take the garter off. They lingered there a little longer than necessary and I felt Goosebumps arise all over my body.

However, being the gentleman he is, he took the garter off swiftly and he smirked at the embarrassed look on my face. He grinned and then threw it into the crowd. I laughed again when Haymitch caught it. He chuckled and kissed Effie's cheek. I tossed my small bouquet of roses that I had held down the aisle and it landed in my mother's hands. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of her possibly marrying again and having someone else to look after. It made me happy.

Eventually the party wrapped up at three in the morning. I was resting on Peeta's shoulder and watching Gale and Rosemary, Effie and Haymitch dance. He whispered to me, "How funny will it be, if Effie and Haymitch got married?" I chuckled and replied, "I know! It would be…cool though." Gale walked up to us, with Rosemary on his arm and said, "I think we better get going. Thanks for everything." He nodded at both of us. I smiled and stood up, "No problem. Thanks for coming." He leant forward and gave me a hug. He whispered in my ear, "I wish you every happiness." I nodded as he pulled away and saw Peeta kissing Rosemary goodbye on the cheeks. I didn't feel jealous anymore. It was just her way. District 2's behaviors were much like the capitols.

Annie approached us with Phillip and President Paylor beside her, "We best be heading back too. You guys look exhausted,' she said while still smiling. I didn't know how she did it-was still so positive even without Finnick. I know I couldn't be like that without Peeta. I got up and hugged her, "Thank you, Annie. For everything." She smiled, "I should be the one thanking you two, not the other way round. Have a safe trip home tomorrow, ok?" I nodded. We were returning to 12 tomorrow and I felt both pleased and sad about that. Now that some people were returning and we were trying to help rebuild 12 too, Haymitch had decided to stay here with Effie. We saw them both regularly though as President Paylor had placed them in charge of people immigrating to other districts.

I bid Paylor and Phillip goodbye. Mr Martin had left a long time ago. So now it was just us, Haymitch, Effie, and my mom. The DJ was packing up and the caterer had left a long time ago. I hugged Effie tightly and said what I hoped was in a sincere tone, "Thank you. For a wonderful evening that I will never forget. It was perfect!" She beamed at me, "It's the least I can do!" I hugged Haymitch and he said, "You know, I truly meant it when I said I didn't think we'd get this far. All of us. The odds were in our favor." I nodded, not liking his choice of words but knowing that there were good intentions behind them. I forced a smile, "Thanks Haymitch." He nodded and I hugged my mom tightly, "Thank you. You've been such a good mom." She shook her head as she pulled away, "I haven't. But I promise to try to be from now on." I nodded and thanked her, as Peeta took my hand in his and smiled, "Shall we?" he asked, bowing forward and indicating the way. Needless to say, we stayed up for a little longer.

 _A/N: This was a long chapter! It's been ready for a few days now but I haven't had time to proof read it because I've been looking after a four week old puppy! Anyway I don't think in the books they ever mentioned Effie being married before, but she does seem like the kind of person who might have married because she had to and for reasons out of her control. That's just an idea that I thought of so I incorporated it into this story. Hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think? The next chapter might be the epilogue! Any suggestions for epilogue are more than welcome and it will again be set maybe a year or two later after this taking place. Thanks again for all of the wonderful support!_


	24. Gale and Peeta's POV's

_Gale's P.O.V:_

The wedding was very Katniss in nature. I had expected nothing less. After being forced to marry Peeta the first time, I knew she'd keep things simple and elegant if she ever got the choice of her own to marry. To be fair, I had never once thought she'd ever actually _get_ married, particularly as she always had said she never wanted children. Yet I felt strange sitting in the chair as a _guest_ when I had firmly believed, up until the moment she had dismissed me from Snow's office at the end of the war that we would end up married.

I had always had the advantage over Peeta. I was bigger than him, and I had Katniss around my finger. I knew I could make her feel guilty for not loving me enough and it had always worked. I realized now that it wouldn't have been real love if I was making her feel obligated. Yet I had still felt a need to show her that I was better for her than the baker's boy. I shook my head at how far from my destined path I had come and I sighed heavily.

Rosemary beside me whispered, "Everything alright, Gale?" She knew all about my "friendship" with Katniss and she knew this was going to be a difficult ceremony for me to sit through. I couldn't not though. At the very least I owed Katniss the respect of being there for support, even if she didn't want it. I sighed, "Its ok Rose…I'm just thinking." She nodded seriously, "You've been doing that a lot lately." I shrugged, "My best friend is getting married. It's a lot to take in." She whispered listlessly, "Best friend being the operative term."

I sighed again and shook my head, "Can we not do this now? _Please_?" I had told her on the train ride here what had gone down between me and Katniss. Now I realized that was probably a bad idea. She had been off ever since and now it would just make this wedding even more unpleasant for me to endure. That's when Effie announced that there was a slight hold up. My heart lurched in my chest and I somewhat hoped that Katniss was getting cold feet. I knew it was mean for me to hope this, but I couldn't help myself.

We waited about another hour before a song started playing. It was a beautiful song, one I didn't know. When everyone stood up, I clenched my fists anxiously as I waited for Katniss to walk down the stairs. The fact that the song was playing meant that she was going through with this. Did she _really_ want this or did she _still_ feel obligated to Peeta for having saved her life when she was starving all those years ago? I craved the information, but I knew I couldn't ask her that. It wasn't fair and it wasn't my place.

When she walked down the stairs of the kitchen, I smiled at her. She looked _sensational_. Her dress was pretty simple, but still somehow she wore it with grace and beauty. Her hair was done in a French plait and she looked like a queen. My heart almost stopped at that moment when she looked up. For one wild second, I felt like she was searching the small gathering for me. My heart nearly tore in two when I realized she was looking for Peeta. It was again a stupid thing to think but I couldn't help myself.

Katniss beamed at Peeta like there was no tomorrow. Maybe for her there and then there wasn't because she was living in the moment, taking it all in. I tried to be happy for her. I really did. But it was difficult. It was like I had to force myself to smile and act happy for her, when deep down, that wasn't the case.

Ivy had spoken to me yesterday and told me of her concerns for her daughter in this wedding. She worried that if Peeta had to leave Katniss…her daughter might not see a reason for living anymore. It's why Ivy had changed, she said. It's why she was trying to be the best mother she could be, just in case. I understood that, but I thought it was sad that this was her reasoning for it-fear.

I had to look away when Katniss kissed him. It wasn't like I hadn't seen them kissing before-of course I had, especially on television. But it was too much to watch. I clapped though with everyone else…determined to fit in. Then they danced a few dances and we had dinner. When Ivy made the speech about how she hadn't expected Katniss to marry Peeta and she looked my way, I shuffled awkwardly in my seat. I actually cringed when Rose looked at me scathingly. If I'm honest, I'm only with her because I have nowhere else to go and she'd shown a blatant interest in me from the minute we'd met. I didn't feel like I could stay here in the capitol-there was too much history here. Effie had offered my accommodation I'd been staying in right after the war to me permanently, but I felt like I'd been intruding on her space and also I'd be hanging around when Katniss and her…husband got back here to organize their wedding. I didn't want to be a leech. I'd always been independent and I wanted to keep it that way, which ultimately I had. If it meant I had to remove myself from Katniss and her life, then so be it.

 _Peeta's P.O.V:_

I've never felt more fulfilled in my life than when I saw Katniss in her wedding dress. My heartbeat sped up erratically and I had to remind myself to breathe. My head swam with thoughts about how beautiful she was for about the millionth time since I'd first laid eyes on her-when my father pointed her out to me at school once.

I'd loved this girl from the moment I saw her-and I don't know what it was about her that made me feel this way. Maybe it was how she sometimes got so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't hear me speaking to her, or how she would stare at me with an intense concentration when I was speaking to anyone. Maybe it was the way I felt _needed_ and _loved_ more than I ever had in my life when I was with her. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above.

But I knew from the moment she told me that she was still protecting me during the war, even though I'd physically attacked her and caused damaged to her neck and vocal chords, that she was still protecting me. I knew our relationship was never going to be an easy one, not with all the emotional trauma we'd both been through. There was almost no way it could be easy. But it would be worthwhile, and that would count more than anything else.

 _A/N: So I decided to do another chapter on Gale's P.O.V and Peeta's P.O.V before we skip into the future again. I think Gale regrets his decision and wishes he could take it back more than anything else in the world. Peeta just realizes how lucky he is to have Katniss, which Gale never did. Gale kind of took it for granted which I think is why he ended up where he did. Anyway hope you guys enjoy! And again please suggestions for the epilogue would be awesome! I haven't received any reviews in a while so I'd love to know what you guys think! Thanks!_


	25. Mine

**Katniss's P.O.V:**

After the wedding, we went on our victory train. Peeta had organized it for us. It had become familiar to me, and in some ways, a little more comforting than just any other train. It wasn't the furniture that made it comfortable, or the gold and glittering décor, but rather the fact that I remember running to Peeta in the early hours of the morning, and needing to be with him.

We had just stepped onto the train and waved goodbye to everyone. I had confetti all over me and I was still in my wedding dress. We were silent, even as all the faces had disappeared behind us. I turned to him and smiled sheepishly, "So…what's on the agenda for the honeymoon?" He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me closer to him, his arms wrapping around my waist as he said, "Well…I'd thought we go and visit somewhere _outside_ Panem." I felt my jaw drop to the floor, " _Outside_ Panem?! Is there an outside of Panem?!"

Peeta grinned, "I know a couple of places. A few secluded islands, that kind of thing." I shook my head in amazement, "How long have you been planning this?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow skeptically. Peeta chuckled, "The last two months. We're headed to district one where President Paylor has organized a private jet for us to take off. I want it to be _perfect_." I sighed and laid my head against his chest, "It already is," I whispered.

I yawned and Peeta laughed, "Are you tired, Katniss?" I nodded and suddenly the lack of energy hit me, "A little bit." He took my hand and led me to our bedroom at the far end of the train. There was nobody else on board except the train driver. It was nice to not be surrounded by waiters and Haymitch making snide comments, and Effie trying to devise a strategic plan of action or the perfect speech.

As I walked towards the room, I saw candles lit up and in between, were red petals lying all across the wooden floor. I gasped and covered my free hand over my mouth, "Peeta…it's…it's…" he bit his lip and waited, "It's…" I almost wanted to cry. He led me through the petals and when I reached the room, I stood in awe. There were thousands and thousands of bouquets of different kind of flowers spread on every surface of the room. Primroses, lily's, sunflowers, peonies, fuchsia, orchids, tulips, you name it. They were _all_ in various shapes and colors and I shook my head in disbelief, "Surely these aren't _all_ in season?" I asked.

He grinned and shrugged, "One of the people I spoke to last year, when we were helping those who were homeless, told me he invented seeds of any plant that could grow no matter what the conditions. He used to garden and one day he took me to his garden and showed me what was left of it. I gave him money to start it up again. These are from him." I shook my head in wonder and let my fingers trails around every single arrangement, taking in the scent.

I was so lost in the wilderness that I jumped when I saw the screen flicker against the wall. It turned into a painting of a sunset. It wasn't a bright orange, but soft like Peeta had described. I touched the digital image of the painting and whispered, "Did you do this?" He nodded and shrugged, "It's one I remember from our Hunger Games. When you kissed me in the cave…and the sun had been setting right before. When I got home, I immediately painted the image because, even though it was a fake sunset, I got to spend it with you. And it stuck."

I had been watching him this whole time and I didn't know what to think of it. I knew his painting was beautiful-they always were, no matter what he painted. As I stared at him, Peeta became embarrassed and gripped his neck awkwardly as if not sure he had done the right thing here. Peeta was rarely one who lacked confidence, except maybe when it came to me. He murmured, "You don't like it?" And glanced down at his feet. I laughed and shook my head-how could we _still_ be so embarrassed around each other after all of this time?"

I walked up to him and whispered, and it came out throatily, "How did I become so lucky?" I wrapped my hands around his neck and continued, "How did I get so lucky to have you? Haymitch so often told me I was lucky and that I took you for granted. He told me, on countless occasions, "You'll never find another one like him." Peeta was looking at me with a mixture of confusion and disbelief on his face as I continued, "He would tell me that you deserve so much better than me. I agreed with him. How could I, of all people, deserve all this love that you give me when I never asked for it, never wanted it before? You deserve someone who is kind, selfless, and patient, and artistic, and caring, and thoughtful, and…" I struggled for my descriptions of someone who wasn't me-possibly hoping for a last chance for Peeta to realize how wrong he was about me, and giving him the last chance to change his mind, "And…" he was watching me closely as I continued, "And generous, like you, and loyal…yes definitely loyal. And strong. Emotionally strong."

Peeta waited until I was finished and then he whispered, "But I do have someone like that Katniss. You're kind-you came and helped those in need of help even when you didn't want to, that was selfless…and you were selfless in volunteering for your sister and helping Rue; you are patient with me, even though I can be slow at times- I feel like I'm always a thousand steps behind you and in a constant need to catch up, at the very least figuratively; you're artistic with bow and arrows-I could never do that…and it help saved us both, numerous times." here, I couldn't help but laugh and say, "Shooting isn't an art…" but he cut me off by placing a finger over my lips so he could finish.

I felt my blood boil at that mere touch as he continued, "The skill you have _should_ be considered an art. You're thoughtful because even though you can't stand Gale much, you take care of your mother and are trying to mend your relationship with her, which is not something you really want to do; you're generous because you're helping rebuild the capitol. And I have a feeling that with all we've been through, I know there's nobody else in the world I'd rather be loyal to than you. I kind of get the feeling you feel the same way." I nodded and he had looked me in the eyes the entire time he said it, and I remember _why_ I loved him. He could make me _feel_ in a way nobody ever had before and he whispered, "You can't try and chase me away anymore, Mrs. Mellark. I'm here to stay."

The use of my new name sent shivers down my spine and I smashed my lips against his. I couldn't resist anymore. Peeta sighed happily as he whispered while frantically moving his lips to kiss the outskirts of my collar bone, "I love you…Katniss Mellark. More than…you'll ever know." It was a breathless kiss and I felt my blood rushing around in my veins and I felt as though I was going to explode. We'd done this a few times before, but we were still new at it and still tentative and sometimes awkward. But Peeta was always gentle and concerned for my wellbeing. That's how Peeta was- even though he had urges, my well-being came before his own.

 _Peeta's P.O.V_

I lay with my heart racing and Katniss's still, naked form lying beside me, her head on my chest. Before she had passed out, she had whispered, "More than you'll ever know." One thing bothered me about our relationship: she still seemed to doubt how much I loved her, or how worthy she was of my love. I don't know what more I could do to make her convinced. I did everything I possibly could. I had spoken to Mr. Martin about it and he had said that, "People with a lack of self confidence will inevitably find it difficult to be confident in others." I had asked him if she would ever be confident in me and had said, "Only time will tell."  
That didn't help me in moments like earlier when she was telling me I shouldn't be with her…trying to _convince_ me that I could do better. _As if_ that were even possible?! I sighed and shook my head. I suppose only time would tell. I glanced at the sleeping angel beside me. From just a glance, you would _never_ be able to tell how strong she was, both mentally and physically. She was beautiful in every single way and I _still_ couldn't really believe that I was lucky enough to call her _mine_.

 _A/N: Hi All! Wow it's a long time! I'm so sorry I've completely forgotten about this story! I've been working on two other ones in the mean time and I just saw someone else commenting and asking for more so here it is! I might do a chapter every now and again so keep a lookout for more! Thanks guys!_


	26. Six Years Later

_Six years later:_

 **Katniss:**

I held a beautiful girl in my arms and Peeta walked up from behind me, and we stared at our little angel. It gave me so much joy to know that because of Peeta, Finnick, I, and the countless others who had helped us fight the war to survive, that she would not have the fear of knowing she might be chosen for the Hunger Games- that she could live peacefully with this knowledge and never fear it. Never worry.

It had taken a lot for Peeta to convince me that I didn't need to worry about it either, if we ever had children. I did it for him really, and for no other reason. I didn't understand how he could love me so unconditionally. But I was happy that I had given him what he wanted so dearly. I hadn't realized until little Lily-Rose was handed to me by my mother what I'd been missing out on for all of these years-motherhood.

That was about a week ago. I'd delivered our baby girl in district 12 (our true home) and my mother had agreed to stay with Peeta and I for the last three months so that she could help me through everything. The only thing that still upset me was that Prim wouldn't be coming to see her niece. I knew she'd _love_ to have a niece to cuddle and love. That brought to my mind the thought of Gale. I hadn't spoken to Gale since he had left the capitol to go and live in District 2 with Rosemary. I hadn't yet forgiven him entirely for Prim…but I had somewhat accepted it. It was something I had spoken to Mr. Martin when we'd still been in the capitol.

We went back to District 12 right after Finn's christening and I couldn't now believe that that was seven years ago! I missed him dearly, and felt a little torn. Finn was six and a half now. I wanted to watch him growing up, but at the same time I knew I wanted a quiet life, away from all the chaos of the capitol rebuilding.

That being said, 12 was slowly but surely being knocked down and rebuilt again too. Old inhabitants flocked in from all districts and we weren't entirely secluded anymore. President Paylor had been elected to be president permanently as she was doing such a great job as it was. Every now and again we received a letter from her informing us of progress in the capitol and thanking us for our contributions. She'd also congratulated us on the birth of Lily and apologized for not being able to come and visit us in 12 to meet her. She told us she "looked forward to our next visit to the capitol."

We'd chosen the name Lily-Rose because I didn't want to be reminded of Prim every time I looked at her. I'd also liked the idea of Rose, but then Peeta had said that it sounded like Gale's girlfriend, to which he pulled a face at. I had to laugh at that. Lily was another flower-ish name that I liked and so in that way, it was close enough to Prim for my liking and so we had combined the two names. I liked the ring to it.

As I stood with Peeta, holding our beautiful baby girl, I heard the door knock and I tensed. A year since I'd seen Effie, and six years since I'd seen Gale-who my mother said was coming with Rosemary. I bit my tongue hard and Haymitch went to go and open up. Effie's voice was the first I'd heard, "OH Haymitch! How I've missed you so!" I raised my eyebrows at Peeta and he chuckled. He whispered to me, "Not at all what I thought we'd hear from _her_ ," he grinned. Haymitch had gone to visit Effie all the time. He was helping people who wanted to come and live in 12 again move districts and so was often gone for days at a time-any excuse to see Effie. I laughed at Peeta's remark and he around me and I cradled Lily in my favorite spot in the living room.

Effie walked in, the clickety clack of her high heels a distinct noise on the wooden floor. She gasped when she saw us and I couldn't help but grin, "Effie!" She ran over to me and shook her head in awe, "Ah Katniss, I'm so…so thrilled! When I heard the news!" She stopped and stared at our daughter sleeping peacefully in my arms and she let a tear slip from her eyes. I got up and smiled, handing Lily over to her gently as she beamed down at my baby.

I hadn't noticed the other three figures walking into the room. My mother was beaming as ever at Gale, who was standing behind her with Rosemary at his side. He smiled at me cautiously. It had been so long since we'd last seen each other than I felt somewhat speechless. I knew he was coming, but I hadn't been prepared for _when_ I for some strange reason, I still felt _nervous_ around him. Surely I shouldn't feel this way? This guy killed my sister...The tension in the room was almost palpable.

Gale grimaced and said, "Hi Katniss. You look like you're doing well." I nodded and smiled, "Never better thanks, Gale. Hi Rosemary." She nodded, but otherwise didn't say much else. I turned back to Gale, "How have you been?" I knew they had gotten engaged so I wasn't surprised when he said slowly, "Well…Rosemary and I are engaged." I smiled briefly, "Congratulations! I hope it works out for the both of you." Rosemary rolled her eyes and said, "Gale, I'm going to go and freshen up in the hotel." There was even a new hotel in twelve now, something we'd never had before.

Gale smiled awkwardly as he leant down and kissed Rosemary on the face, "Alright, dear. I'll be here if you need me." She nodded and huffed out of the room. I heard my baby crying and I hurried back to her. Then I saw it was really a cry of delight as Effie produced a stuffed teddy bear for her. She clapped her hands with glee and I chuckled at how much she loved it! She didn't have many toys yet.  
I chuckled and went over to Peeta, who was now holding Lily so she could squeeze the toy. I loved watching him hold our little girl. It just looked so…so natural. I moved to stand beside him and I wrapped my hand around his waist. It had become so natural for me now to do that that I didn't even stop and think anymore. I then beckoned to Gale and said, "Come and meet our Lily-Rose."

 **Gale:**

It was so strange being back here in twelve and to be meeting Peeta and Katniss's _baby_ for the first time. I still sounded wrong to my ears. _Peeta and Katniss_. If anything, it should be Gale and Katniss. I sighed as Katniss told me to come and meet her baby. I had been having mixed feelings about this trip…I'd wanted to see Katniss again, but to see her with Peeta was still _heart wrenching_ for me. I deserved this pain though, after everything I had put Katniss through, she deserved to be happy.

I smiled awkwardly and I came and had a look at her girl. When I had heard a week ago from Ivy that Katniss had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, I was surprised when she said she hadn't named it Prim. That would have been torture for me, if I had to look into that child's eyes and constantly be reminded of her sister. When I finally got a clear view of her however, I gasped! She had her mother's eyes…that was _unmistakable_! And she didn't have any hear yet so I couldn't tell what color she would be but she was unbelievably beautiful! I wasn't a fan of babies…but I might just be a fan of this one.

Then I realized Peeta was talking to me and he was saying, "Hello Gale." He was cool, but polite and I realized then that I hadn't greeted him yet. I grimaced and replied, "Hi Peeta! Congratulations are your baby! She's beautiful…like her mother." There was a horribly awkward silence and Haymitch yelled, "How about some beer, Gale!"

I shrugged and Haymitch asked, "Peeta, come and give me a hand please? I need to get from my place because you don't keep any around here." Peeta nodded and reluctantly went to follow him. Effie seemed to get the message and left too. That meant I was left alone with Katniss, Ivy and the baby. Katniss was staring at her baby radiating with love and I whispered tightly, "Can I…?" I didn't know if she'd let me hold the baby, and I wouldn't blame her for refusing, or distrusting me.  
Katniss eyed me a little before nodding and gently handing me her world. I stared at the baby who frowned at me in confusion. Who was this knew stranger, it was probably thinking. I glanced up and noticed Katniss watching me carefully. She frowned and commented, "You've changed." I nodded and whispered, "So have you though." She beamed at that and shrugged, "Being a mother you can't help but change."  
I nodded and turned my focus back to her baby before commenting, "She looks so like you." She laughed and shrugged, "Everyone else thinks she looks like Peeta. I guess it's hard to tell at this stage. She's only a week old!" I nodded and smiled, "She'll probably change a lot in the next year or so." Katniss nodded and smiled, "Probably. I hope she's more like Peeta." I frowned and replied, "Why would you say that?" Katniss shrugged, "In terms of personality. She could be kind and loving and caring." I grimaced and replied, "Aren't you though?" She shrugged again and replied, "I'm like that with her and Peeta. Not with everyone." I nodded, feeling like this was a dig at me. I couldn't blame her and I wasn't sure what to say to that so instead I said nothing.

It was only then that noticed that Ivy had left the room…probably to give us some space. I looked at the baby girl in my arms and felt a surge of emotions…I _wished_ with all my being that this was my child. That it was _our_ child. But I knew that would never be an option and I had sure as hell made it that way. I couldn't help but let a tear slip from my eyes.

 _A/N: Hi All! So I'm trying to make up for lost time! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the time jump! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I so do appreciate them!_


	27. Wrapped around your little finger

**Katniss:**

Peeta was fiercely protective over our daughter and I couldn't blame him. He was so good with her-better than I was. When she was with me, and began crying, I immediately handed her over to him. She would stop crying instantly. I turned to see my mom holding her now, smiling ever so slightly and Effie and Haymitch talking affably together. I swallowed and said, "We've prepared a meal for everyone. If you'd like to follow us to the dining room?" As we walked, my mother stood next to me and whispered, "Did it go OK with Gale?" I shrugged, "I think so. He cried for some reason. I think the last time I saw him cry was when we were about twelve years old about how he couldn't provide for his family. He didn't even cry when he got beaten up in the middle of town and tied to that pole." My mother nodded somberly. Gale crying had actually moved me and I wondered if he was crying for what he had lost.

The dinner went off alright, but I noticed Gale hardly said a word. Once he caught me looking at him and I had to glance away immediately. When dinner was finished, he got up, walked over to me, and asked, "May I have a word?" I frowned, but nodded and followed him outside as Peeta dished up dessert.

We sat down on my patio and I stared at the primroses as he whispered, "Katnip…" I scowled at the old nickname and whispered, "Don't call me that anymore. You have no right to." Gale glanced down at his shoes and sighed, "Fine. Katniss, I'm really sorry that I couldn't protect your family. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry I made selfish decisions. If I could take them back, I would." I rolled my eyes and whispered harshly, "Really Gale? Would you _really_ have taken them back?" Gale bit his lip and then murmured, "If it meant we could still be friends…then yes." I raised my eyebrows, "Really? Only friends? I would have chosen Peeta over you regardless. You just sealed the deal and made the decision that much easier. And you always said I would choose who I needed to survive." Gale nodded and sighed, "I know," he whispered. I continued ruthlessly, "And obviously being friends with you was just never enough. You always made me feel guilty for not loving you enough." Gale swallowed hard, "I know…I'm sorry. I won't ask for your forgiveness again." I nodded and stood up, "That's probably for the best."

I went inside and saw Peeta frowning at me. They were busy eating ice-cream with Malva pudding. My mother was still holding our baby. As I sat down, Peeta took my hand under the table and asked, "What's wrong?" I shook my head and whispered, "Later," as Gale walked back inside. During dessert, we spoke about the capital, what it was like and how it had chosen a president. President Paylor had written to inform us that she thought she stood a high chance of being reinstated in government. And she had also informed us that voting would take place the following day.

My mother asked me, "Will you be coming to vote for president, Katniss? I hear people talking about you being president." I laughed and shook my head, "Me? Haha no thank you." She frowned and Gale said softly, "The people think of you as their leader already, Katniss. It would only make sense." I stared at him, finally realizing they were being serious, "No way! No, I'm happy here. I have my family. We're safe. And I don't feel like I want to be involved in any political affairs in the near future, or in any future!" I was feeling angry. Was this why they were really here? To try and convince me that now is when I should be coming back? I'd given them so much already…I'd risked my life so often so try and make the world a better place, and Prim died…along with countless others. I whispered in a deadpan tone, "I think I've given them _enough_."

There was a deadly silence around the table and Peeta nodded, "You can do whatever you want Katniss. It's your decision." I shook my head firmly, "My decision is no." Peeta smiled at me kindly and took my hand, "I agree with what my wife says." I saw my mother glance at Gale, who stood up, "Well, I don't see any reason for me to be here any longer. Thanks for the dinner." Peeta nodded stiffly and said mockingly, "Thanks for the visit," it was almost sarcastic. It sounded strange coming from him. I had almost in some odd way _hoped_ that Gale and I could rekindle some sort of friendship…clearly this wasn't why he was truly here.

I watched him leave and was relieved when my mother didn't immediately follow him. Instead, she said to me sternly, "You didn't need to be so harsh to him, Katniss. You were best friends, you know." I raised my eyebrows and snapped, "Do you know what he did?! What decisions he agreed on with Coin?!" My mother nodded, "I know. And I know he wouldn't have killed Prim on purpose."

It was at this point that I snapped. My mother and I had never really spoken about Gale since the war ended and now I felt all my pent up irritation with her for her favoring of Gale. So I yelled loudly, "That's not the POINT! It was his IDEA that killed her! How could you side with him?!" At this point, my baby woke up and started crying. Peeta hurried over to her and picked her up gently. Then my mother snapped at me and said something I'd never thought she'd admit to, "AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO END UP WITH **HIM**! You _loved_ him!"

There was a deathly silence in the room and everyone who remained had gone horribly quiet. The only sound that penetrated the silence was Lily crying. I felt like I had just been slapped in the _face_. After all these years, she _still_ firmly believed that Gale was a better choice for me than Peeta. Peeta…who had been through it all with me, through thick and thin! I didn't even want to dare look in Peeta's direction as I replied coldly, "Not enough. Do you know he _always_ used to make me feel guilty for not loving him enough?"

Haymitch spoke up loudly then, "Uh, Ivy, how about some whisky." Her eyes narrowed and I stared at her blankly, hardly recognizing her as she said tonelessly, "I think I'll go and pack." I nodded and whispered, "I think that's for the best…" She nodded stiffly before moving off upstairs and I stared dumbfounded at the space where she had been not too long ago.  
I suddenly felt Peeta steer me towards the living room to sit me down on a couch. I looked to him as he sat down beside me and I whispered hoarsely, "I…I…I'm so sorry. I can't…" I had no words to describe how embarrassed I was. I felt an angry tear slide down my face and he shook his head as he pulled me to him and kissed my head gently before whispering, "It's not your fault my love. If your mom can't accept that we're family then that's her problem, not yours. She shouldn't have made it yours." I shook my head and clutched onto his coat jacket. It was so nice and warm and I rubbed my tear-stained face into it. He didn't seem to mind.

I don't know how long it was until I heard Haymitch's voice. He cleared his throat and said, "Katniss…your mother told me to tell you she's packing and heading back to the capitol." I nodded but otherwise didn't look at him, still ensconced in Peeta's warmth and safety. I heard him whisper though, "Thanks, Haymitch."  
It seemed like Haymitch couldn't help himself as he came and sat on the coffee table and faced us, "Katniss…" he said simply, "I know your mother struggles with how things worked out. She's _still_ in denial that Gale had anything to do with, well you know…" I nodded and rubbed my eyes so that I could see through them a little. Haymitch continued , "And she doesn't realize how happy Peeta makes you. Maybe that's because I'm around far more often than she is. But you shouldn't let what she thinks try and ruin you two."  
Peeta said firmly, "I wouldn't dream of it!" Haymitch nodded and clapped Peeta's shoulder, "Good lad. I think Effie and I are going to head. When is Joanna coming to visit?" I tried to think when the holidays were, "Two weeks! And she's bringing Finn!" Haymitch nodded and smiled, "Well there's something to look forward to!"

Effie came through then, holding Lily who had calmed down somewhat. I stood up shakily and smiled at her, "I never said thank you Effie." She frowned and asked, "For what, dear?" I shrugged and smiled bleakly, "For being the best mother I could have asked for." Effie was on the verge of tears as I said this and I leant up to kiss her on the cheek. She handed me my baby and then hugged us both, "You're welcome my dear. Anything to see you two champions happy!" I nodded and she shrugged, "We best be on our way. I'll see you two love birds tomorrow!" I nodded and Peeta and I watched them leave.

 **Peeta:**

Although I would never admit it, Ivy's comment stung. I knew she'd never really full accepted Katniss and I together and I had thought I'd been ok with that. But now I just felt angry. Katniss and I had been happy. Sure we weren't perfect. No couple in their right mind was _perfect_! I just couldn't help but feel insignificant when your mother-in-law says something like that. It kind of makes you believe it. Those old insecurities were coming back again as I watched Effie and Haymitch walk off.

Katniss turned to me and whispered, "You're not taking what she said seriously, are you?" I shook my head but she knew me too well and she whispered, "Peeta Mellark! Why are you even doubting yourself! You're too good for that!" I rolled my eyes and closed the front door, "You were really upset by that comment and I couldn't help but wonder why." Katniss shrugged and replied, "It's not her place. She doesn't have a say about my life anymore and I'm tired of her thinking she does!"

I nodded, "Ok…but she just misses the olden days…" Katniss looked at me in dismay, "Are you…are you _defending_ her?!" she gasped. I shook my head again quickly, "No love…I'm just trying to understand her. There's a difference. Maybe you should try it sometime." Katniss scowled at me and I could tell she didn't like that I was trying to defend her mother. But the truth is, I had to make Katniss see it from her mother's side. I had a childhood best friend called Lucy and we played together all the time. We drifted when we got to about thirteen years old, probably because we grew to have different interests when we hit puberty. And my mother always wanted me to marry her. But I always only had eyes for Katniss. I kind of understood in this sense where Ivy was coming from. If Katniss had never been in the picture, I might very well have had Lucy standing next to me now. I was feeling very grateful this wasn't the case.

Katniss shrugged and closed the door behind her. She sighed and shook her head, "I'm feeling exhausted after that whole affair. I think I'm going to go and take a nap. Do you mind looking after Lily-Rose?" I shook my head, "No. You go and rest Katniss. I can take care of her." Katniss handed her over to me gently and then kissed me on the cheek before heading up the stairs. I could never say no to Katniss. It had always been a weakness of mine.  
I sat down with Lily-Rose in my arms and thought about how beautiful she was. I still couldn't believe she was _mine_. She belonged to Katniss and me and nobody else. Her big blue eyes blinked wonderingly at me and I smiled as I kissed her forehead. She was grasping at thin air so I knew she wanted my finger to hold onto. It amazed me how her whole entire hand wrapped around my small finger. I laughed to myself as I thought about how she had me completely wrapped around _hers_.

 _A/N:Hi All! Sorry for taking so long to update again! Life has been pretty crazy recently and I haven't found time to myself, let alone time to write! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I think there's still hope for Gale and Katniss to be friends…it might just take a bit longer still. Anyway please let me know thoughts! And also a flashback of the honeymoon will be happening in the next chapter._


	28. Girl on Fire

**Katniss:**

 _Dream:_

We were on honeymoon and Peeta had planned everything perfectly. I wasn't used to relaxing or enjoying the feeling of the sun on my shoulders unless I was in the arena and running for my life. I couldn't remember the last time I had just _properly relaxed_. Where I wasn't around people and needing to meet their demands twenty four seven. Where I had Peeta _all to myself_ and we had nothing but time to kill.

I lay on the white sandy beaches of some island far away from my troubles in Panem. I was enjoying soaking up the sun and Peeta lay beside me. He kept fretting though that he would burn. I smiled as he got up and reapplied sunscreen to my back as well as his own. I pulled him back down onto the towel and whispered, "Hey! Stop worrying! We're here to relax."  
He shrugged and lay back down reluctantly, "I'm afraid worrying is somewhat in my nature. And if I get burnt? We wouldn't be able to have sex…" I actually laughed at that. This was probably the first proper laugh I had emitted since Prim passed. He chuckled and lay back down beside me slowly, until we were face to face and I whispered, "What a waste of a honeymoon that would be, wouldn't it? If we couldn't have sex because you were sun burnt."

Peeta frowned in all seriousness, "It would kind of defeat the point of the honeymoon in the first place." I smiled, sighed happily and snuggled closer to him, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his arm. I could hear birds chirping and I'd never felt more safe than here, far away from my troubles of the real world, with Peeta at my side.

 _Waking Up:_

I woke up from my sleep feeling happy. That was odd. Usually I woke up from a sleep feeling terrified. I had been dreaming about my honeymoon and I so badly wanted to go back. It was the first time in _years_ I had felt safe and secluded and free. Free to do as _I_ wished, and free to do as Peeta wished. That's all that had mattered to me back then.

Now I had Lily-Rose to be concerned about. I yawned and thought I'd better go and relieve Peter from baby-sitting duty. It wasn't fair to let him do it all the time. I was about to go downstairs when I saw Lily lying in her crib. I smiled and watched our daughter sleeping peacefully in her crib. She was so lucky never to be troubled by nightmares. I envied her in that regard, but at the same time, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

 **Gale:**

I didn't like how I'd ended things with Katniss. Rosemary had been blatantly ignoring me all night and she hadn't even bothered to attend Katniss's dinner which she'd been politely invited to. I knew she was only here for me, but to be honest I kind of didn't want her there right now. I just couldn't help but think of Katniss.

It was nine in the evening and I couldn't help but message her. I pulled out my phone and typed to her:

 _Hey Katniss…_

 _I'm sorry for walking away. Can we talk. If you don't want to…I completely understand. I just want to make things right between us. Gale._

And then I pressed send.

I waited for what seemed like forever for a response but what had only been fifteen minutes. Then she replied swiftly:

 _Gale_

 _I can't keep doing this. I can't keep hurting each other. I can't keep letting you walk back into my life and then having you think you can control me. Peeta always lets me make my own choices, so why can't you?_

I grimaced, not really having a response to this. does this mean she wanted to meet or not? So I typed back:

 _Give me one last chance. Please. If I blow it this time you have my full permission to place a restraining order against me. I promise you I won't blow it. Gale_

I could see she read it immediately and then there was a heartbeat before her response:

 _Alright. But the minute you begin to make things unpleasant you're gone. Where should I meet you?_

I grinned ridiculously. I replied swiftly:

 _At our old meeting ground. I'll be waiting._

 **Katniss:**

I read Gale's last messaged and puffed out in frustration! This was probably a huge mistake on my part. I turned to Peeta as we were sitting on the couch watching TV. Lily-Rose had drifted to sleep in his arms, I showed him the message.

He grimaced at the end and said, "So what are you waiting for?" I bit my lip before whispering, "Your permission. I don't want you to think I instigated this or that anything will happen." Peeta shook his head and whispered, "No. I didn't think either thing. I'm just surprised you agreed." I sighed and shook my head, "I'm making a mistake. I better tell him I'm not coming anymore."

Peeta shook his head and replied sternly, "No Katniss." I frowned in confusion, "Why? You don't like him." Peeta shrugged and replied, "As much as you keep denying that you care for him, I know it's not the truth. And I don't want you to feel like you have to go sneaking around with Gale to avoid hurting my feelings. I'd rather _know_ you were with him and keep the trust between us than have you lie to me and go sneaking around…"

I nodded slowly but I was already doubting this…how could I go and speak to him and leave Peeta sitting here, worrying? I grimaced and whispered, "Will there always be trust issues between us?" Peeta smiled bleakly, "Only if we make it that way. That's what I'm trying to avoid by letting you go." I nodded and whispered hoarsely, "Give me Lily…" Peeta frowned in confusion, "Why?"

I shrugged and replied, "I want to put her in her crib." He was still frowning but reluctantly handed her over to me. I took her up the stairs, Peeta following cautiously. Her crib sat in one of the guest rooms so I gently placed her down and she thankfully didn't wake up. Peeta had followed me up the stairs as I hoped he would. He knew that I didn't like leaving Lily on her own for very long.

Once he had reached the top of the staircase, I hurried to him, flung my arms around him and began kissing him furiously. He frowned in confusion. I pulled apart to breathe for a second because I could tell he wasn't into it. He was still frowning and I pretended to smooth out his eyebrows. I giggled and kissed his cheek, "Don't like it?" I whispered in between. I never usually made the advances. On the rare occasion that I did, Peeta would always act surprised and confused.

He smiled against my persistent kissing and whispered, "No…it's not…that." I frowned now and moved away so he could tell me, "What's the problem then?" He shrugged and answered, "It's really confusing when we were talking about Gale one minute and the next you're putting Lily in her crib and trying to seduce me. I don't see how Gale equates with you seducing me…"  
I rolled my eyes…Peeta was far too analytical sometimes. It really irritated. I sighed, "Haymitch was right all those years ago. Why guy let's their wife go off with someone she used to like? What guy _tells_ her to go so that there's no secrecy between them...? What guys can still trust me that much even though I've given him _absolutely_ _no_ reason to?" I honestly couldn't fathom it.

Peeta shrugged and said, "One who loves you and wants to make their marriage work?" I smiled nodded, "I guess so. I just feel like I'm never going to deserve you. Even after six years of marriage I still feel like I'm making all the wrong moves and you're making all the right ones. I'm always one step behind you." Peeta smiled and kissed me gently, "I've always felt that way with you, Girl on Fire. I suppose that's what's keeping us afloat." I nodded and shook my head, "Nobody's called me Girl on Fire for years. I'm happy to say I haven't missed it." Peeta chuckled and replied, "Why am I not surprised. Go and talk with Gale. Then when you come back, we can finish where we left off." I blushed and laughed, "Alright, I'm holding you to it!"

 _A/N: Hi All! Sorry for the delay in the chapter! My friend from Australia was down and so I've basically been with her a lot of this week. But anyway finally getting around to another chapter! Thanks to all those new people who are following this story and commenting. It's all much appreciated!_ _ **Also just in case some people didn't catch it, the beginning of this chapter is a continuation of the previous chapter!**_


	29. Try

**Gale:**

I inhaled sharply when I saw Katniss nearing the gate. She looked beautiful as ever and I had to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. She walked up to me slowly and I smiled warily at her. She didn't smile back. This made me swallow in nervousness.

Katniss finally reached me and she whispered somewhat impatiently, "What is it Gale? I can't be long." I swallowed harshly and whispered, "Is there any way we can get past this? Anyway _at all_?" She raised an eyebrow at me and I couldn't read her like I used to. Even that connection we used to have seemed to have dissipated. She was like a stranger to me now and that made my heart sad.

Katniss said swiftly, "What if it had been Rory, Vick, or Posy? What if it had all been _my_ idea and they had replaced Prim? How would you feel, Gale?" I clenched my fists tightly and I felt my jaw stiffen. It was an automatic defense reaction I'd developed over the years.

I whispered in response, "I wouldn't like it. But what I want to know is, why did you bother to come and see me if you _still_ felt that way? It's been years, Katniss." She looked at me without trying to give away her facial expression. She stared into my eyes and I felt like I was being burnt alive, analyzed with every ounce of her being. She nodded stiffly then, "You're right. I _haven't_ forgiven you…but I don't hate you as much as I used to."

Katniss issued me a small semblance of a smile and I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe we could be friends, even if it was years from now. She sighed dismally and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't think Prim would want this for us, even if she had every right to want to see you in a grave. She would hate to see us in this state. And this might be just about the only reason I can maybe, at some point in time, see us being friends again."  
These words made my heart lurch in my chest. I looked up to the heavens and silently thanked Prim for being the kind and caring person she was. I would never have heard these words from Katniss otherwise. I said tentatively, "So…where does that leave us?" We stared out into the forest and I glanced to the side to see her smile briefly before replying, "I think acquaintances. We haven't really had the chance to get to know each other for years. I don't know who you are anymore." I smiled and said jokingly, "I'm the same old Gale I always was." She raised an eyebrow at me and I found myself blushing, "Too soon?" This caused her to laugh and it was like music to my ears, "Way too soon," she replied.

 **Katniss:**

I walked home feeling relieved. This big weight had just been lifted off my chest and I was finally feeling like something was becoming resolved. I walked home _happy_. Things weren't perfect between Gale and I- not by a long shot. But we were getting there, slowly but surely.  
When I got home, I found Peeta sitting with Lil-Rose. It seemed like she had woken up from her slumber as they sat on the couch in the lounge again. She was crying a little and I walked up to him, kissing him on the cheek. He smiled swiftly at me before saying, "Lily isn't calming down. She's been crying since she woke up." I frowned and kissed her forehead gently, staring into her blue eyes. She then smiled automatically at me and the crying ceased. I laughed, "Is she feeling ok? She never stops crying when _I'm_ around?!" This caused Peeta to chuckle and he rolled his eyes, "If only you had come home sooner!"

He handed her to me and I said dumbfounded, "I _really_ can't believe she's ours! We made her!" This caused Peeta to smirk a little and he replied, "You've only just realized this now?"

I laughed happily and shrugged my shoulders, "She's beautiful. I'm glad you convinced me to have children." Peeta smiled and replied warmly, "I think you convinced yourself more than anything else." I stared back at him, as he leant down and kissed my lips gently. I sighed happily and asked, "How did I ever get so lucky to have you?" Peeta chuckled and replied, "We'll never know will we?"

 **Peeta:**

I watched Katniss lying beside me, clothe-less, and I wondered for the millionth time in the life how she managed to love me, after _everything_ she had been through. She could have literally anyone in the whole world and she chose me. I honestly still don't know why. I know she loves me…but she could love anyone.

I thought back to the war and how different she'd been then. So serious! She'd never crack a joke, or smile. She never thought she deserved happiness. I was so pleased this evening when she had admitted to me she was happy. It was everything I'd wanted to hear and more for years. I don't know if it was me or Lily-Rose who made the change…or maybe both…but either way it didn't matter. She was mine and I was hers and that's how it was going to be for the rest of our lives.

 _A/N: Hi all! Sorry this chapter has taken so long! I was lacking inspiration and I think this is just a bit of a filler chapter for what is to come! Thanks so much to everyone for all of the kind words! It really is truly appreciated._


	30. For the Best

**Gale:**

When I returned to the hotel, I found Rosemary to be packing up her bags. I frowned in confusion and asked quickly, "What are you doing?" She blew a piece of long, blonde hair out of her face and replied, "Going. I can't stand being here and watching you fuss over that girl." I grimaced, uncertain how to handle this situation. There was no point in denying it.

I said cautiously, "Rose…listen…" She turned and stopped her packing momentarily. She huffed, "Gale, I can tell when a man doesn't want me around. You don't need to do this." My brain was slow in processing this. We'd been together since the war ended and she sighed, "I hope you can find someone who actually wants you. This girl is _married_ , Gale. You lost your chance with her a long time ago. She's got a _baby_ for crying out loud!"

This outburst shocked me and I grew defensive, "Are you jealous? Because I'm detecting a _hint_ of jealousy." She snapped right back, "It's really hard not to be when your boyfriend is meeting his love interest in the middle of the night!" I shrugged my shoulders, not even trying to argue with her. So I commented, "You're right. I don't think we're meant to be."

This caused her to stop what she was doing. She was just about to throw her hairbrush in her bag when she glanced up at me. She was trying really hard not to cry. I knew I meant a lot more to her than she meant to me, and it wasn't fair to keep leading her on like this. She bit her lip and then slowly but surely nodded in agreement, "I agree. Just let me pack my things and I'll leave you alone." I said carefully, "You can stay the night. There's no point in leaving now."  
She smiled tiredly and replied, "That's very courteous of you, Gale. But I think I should. I don't want to get in your way anymore than I already have." I did feel a little sad that things were ending between us this way. It had been fun in the beginning, but if truth be told, Rosemary was more of a rebound for me than anything else, and I think she knew that.

I said remorsefully, "I'm sorry it ended this way." She nodded from the other end of the bed, hands on her small hips and shrugged, "I'm sorry too, Gale. But I can see when I'm not wanted." I nodded in acceptance and whispered, "One last kiss? She smiled her playful smile that I had loved initially upon meeting her. I walked over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed my back tightly. All of a sudden I felt very aroused and she must have sensed it. She laughed and whispered, "You want break up sex, don't you?" I blushed a little and so she started taking my shirt off. She ended up staying the night.

XXX

The following morning I decided to head back to the capitol. I came here and achieved what I needed to do-which was try and see if Katniss was worthwhile spending any more time on. Rosemary had left early this morning and I was glad for that. It meant we didn't have much left to say to each other.

I packed my own bags and realized I wouldn't want to live here anymore anyway. There were far too many painful memories. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Katniss or Peeta or anyone who used live here would want to.

I decided to message Katniss to let her know I was leaving:

 _Hey Katniss_

 _I'm leaving now. I think it's best for all of us. I hope you understand.  
Rosemary and I broke up last night and she left this morning. I'm_

 _taking the first train out of here. I don't consider 12 to be my home_

 _anymore and I think it's for the best. The memories here are too_

 _painful for me._

 _All my love_

 _Gale._

I pressed send and felt a sense of relief wash over me when I did. It was like I could move on now. Have a fresh start. We both needed it. Maybe we could be friends one day but for now we needed our space and I had to accept that. I headed towards the train station without a second thought in mind.

 **Katniss:**

I woke up to a message from Gale. I read it quickly and sighed in relief. I was glad he was going. I bit my lip before responding to the message:

 _Hi Gale_

 _I'm sorry you're leaving. I hope you do come and visit again though,_

 _sometime in the future. I hope you find what you're looking for in_

 _the capitol and that you find some sort of happiness there._

 _Please stay in touch_

 _Katniss_

I turned over to see Peeta lying peacefully beside me. His arm was wrapped protectively around my waist and I cuddled closer to him, and inhaled his vanilla scent. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Peeta's months of being tortured in the capitol were slowly starting to fade. His face was returning back to normal but his memories were still there.

I could see a sudden contortion in his facial expression. He mumbled under his breath, " _She hates me. She wants to kill me._ " He could only have been talking about me and his arms clasped tighter around my waist. I moved in and stroked his blonde hair away from his eyes. I shook my head and whispered, "No Peeta. Not real. I'm here. I love you."

This caused him to open his eyes and he stared unseeingly for a moment. Then he leant in and kissed my lips gently. I could see he was fighting the memories as his eyes were dark blue. I shook my head again and kissed his cheek, "Not real. Not real," I murmured. He nodded and tensed when I kissed him.

Then all of a sudden the memory seemed to dissipate and he relaxed, burrowing his head in my shoulder. He sighed and whispered, "What would I do without you?" I smiled and shrugged, "I could ask you the same thing."

I got up and decided to go and make tea. He pulled my arm and shook his head, "Nu uh. Please stay?" I smiled lovingly and whispered, "I thought you'd like some tea?" He rolled his eyes and replied, "Nope. I just need you." I laughed (something I seldom did) and fell back beside him. I told him casually, "Gale has left and gone back to the capitol." He raised his eyebrows and ceased stroking my jaw line, "Really? Why?" I shrugged and whispered, "Something to do with him and Rosemary breaking up. He also said it's too painful for him to live here anymore."

Peeta nodded thoughtfully, "Well that you can understand." I nodded and murmured, "I just told him to stay in touch. I mean, we've finally gotten to a place where we're sort of ok. I don't want to back track. Do you think that was wrong of me?" He shook his head and kissed my bare shoulder. I shivered and he grinned, "I never think you're wrong."

 **Peeta:**

I truly was a happy man. I had everything I wanted in my life. Yes, the memories still got to me, but they also got to Katniss and even Gale. I was really relieved when she told me he was leaving. I even felt like he didn't belong here anymore. This little town was too small for him. I didn't resent him like I used to either. I had won Katniss's heart and I planned on keeping it forever. Gale leaving really was just for the best.

 _A/N: Hi all! So sorry I haven't updated in so long! Exam season is here and I write my first one tomorrow! Eeek. Wish me luck! I just want everyone to know how grateful I am. Your encouragement and enthusiasm really means so much to me! It's the reason I've gotten so far with this story._

 ** _N.B: This is unfortunately the second last chapter._** _I'm sorry if you guys got notifications of this chapter being posted- I did until I realized that it was stuff I'd already added to the story. But anyway…this is the legit version haha! Also please note that my ending will differ quite a bit from canon. I just find the canon ending way too depressing, and I'd like for Peeta and Katniss to have a happy ending, wouldn't you? At least…the best kind of happy ending they can. It will also be a futuristic chapter. Thanks so much and love and light!_


	31. Real

**Four years later:**

 **Katniss:**

We were having a picnic in the forest where Gale and I used to hunt. We sometimes still did. The gate that used to fence off district twelve no longer existed. I held a little baby boy of three months old in my arms. His name was Ryan (after Peeta's father) Justin (after my father) Mellark. He looked more like me though. He had my blue eyes and dark brown hair.

Peeta was beckoning Lily to him in the clearing. She was four now and she giggled happily as her father said, "Come on, princess! You're almost there!" She was such a daddy's girl that one. She always had been. I laughed when she giggled as she reached Peeta. He picked her up in his arms and spun her around at a giddy pace. She loved this and squealed in delight, her little dress flapping in the wind.

Peeta glanced up and grinned at me happily. He was so happy and I was so chuffed that I could help give him his happiness. My children and Peeta were the most important things in the world to me. If anyone dare harmed any of them, so help them I still knew how to shoot a bow after all this time.

This thought reminded me of the Hunger Games. How I was so lucky my children would never have to live in a world of fear like we did. Even though the games damaged Peeta and I in ways that couldn't be repaired, at least our children would reap the benefits. That was kind of the point of all the fighting and the heartbreak, was it not?

Lily turned to me and she screeched, "Mommy!" She pointed in my direction and Peeta chuckled, "You want your mommy do you, you little rascal!" She grinned in delight and clapped her hands. It's what she always did when she was happy about something. He laughed and walked up the hill. He placed her at the end of the rug I was sitting on and she came running up to me, "Mommy! Daddy made me be a plane!"

Peeta came and sat down beside me. I grinned and said lovingly, "I know, darling. I saw. You make a beautiful little plane." She leant up and kissed my cheek which made me feel so full of love and light.

She leant over and asked, "How's baby Ryan doing?"

Peeta beamed and said, "You'll have to teach baby Ryan how to do plane one day." She looked surprised at the thought. Then she asked, "Will I be able to lift him up?" Peeta looked at her lovingly, "Of course, Lily-Rose. Of course." Then she squealed again. She loved to do that when she was excited and sometimes it gave me a near heart attack. She yelled, "Uncle GALE!" then she went hurtling off to the right.

She adored Uncle Gale and I won't lie and pretend that it didn't make me resent him at times. I had discussed it with Peeta at length. Obviously now she was too young to know what Gale had done. But one day when she was older…we had to think about whether she should know. I recalling telling Peeta, 'I don't want her to find out what he did in a history book or something. It might break her heart. She'd never trust him again.' Peeta had paced up and down at the time. We'd had this conversation not too long ago when some kid at school had mentioned our names and the Hunger Games in the same sentence. We hadn't wanted Lily to know any of it. It was better for her to be oblivious for now. We hadn't come to any solid conclusions on the matter.

I nodded and glanced at the sleeping baby in my arms as Gale picked up Lily and hugged her, "Hello little pumpkin! How's my favorite little niece?" They saw each other that way and I wasn't going to put a stop to it. But I could see it irked Peeta beyond belief. His jaw clenched and I had to reach out and take his hand to keep him calm. I rubbed soothing circles in his palm and this caused him to calm down somewhat.

Lily's arms were around Gale's neck and he said, "Hey guys," rather cheerily. Gale was still living in the capitol and I was glad for that. He sometimes came back here on weekends to help with different charities and what not. I had a feeling it was to try and make up for his mistakes in the past. To try and ebb some of the guilt that he felt. I was glad he was doing it in this regard. There was an orphanage now due to the effects of the war. Plenty of children didn't have homes and Peeta and I went to go and visit it every month to give a donation. Gale offered to work there as a volunteer every other weekend. He always made time to come and visit Lily though.

 _Flashback_ :

I remembered when Gale had first seen Lily-Rose when she was beginning to speak fluently. She had immediately taken a fascination with Gale. He was looking into volunteering at the orphanage around the corner. But he had stopped by to come and visit us.

Lily had been playing with her dolls then. I didn't like the idea of dolls because it reminded me too much of how Snow had treated us. But she was a daddy's girl and had managed to convince Peeta to buy them for her one weekend when we had been in the capitol. I watched her glance up as Gale walked in. She was about three and she asked, "Who that?"

I smiled and said, "He's…uh my friend, Lily. Gale." She grinned and replied happily, "Uncle Gale! Come play Barbie with me!" This caused me to laugh as I watched Gale begrudgingly go and join her on the carpet by the fire. It was snowing outside so at least they'd be warm. She said happily, "This is mommy! She's pretty isn't she?" Gale paused for a moment before whispering, "She is beautiful." Lily laughed happily, but Gale glanced up at me. I looked away, not being able to meet his eyes.  
Lily had carried on playing, unaware of what she had just insinuated, "And this Ken is Daddy! Daddy will do anything for mommy. Daddy loves mommy so much." She made Ken give Barbie a massive kiss which caused even Gale to laugh. Gale had asked, "And which one is Uncle Gale?" She had frowned in contemplation and then picked up the dog, Taffy. She giggled cheekily, "Uncle Gale is the dog!" Gale had rolled his eyes, "Well, that's about right isn't it, Katniss?" This had caused me to laugh. Gale smiled at me and for the first time in what was probably years. I felt like we were finally becoming friends again.

 _End flashback_

From there, things had been easier between Gale and I. When he had come to visit, it had been purely because he was infatuated with Lily- and not in a creepy way. He just really and truly loved her and he knew that if he dared hurt her in anyway, he'd have me to respond to. And Peeta too. We had our own perfect little dysfunctional family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It was my happy ending that I hadn't even known I'd wanted all along. And I knew it was _real_.

 **Peeta:**

Gale was slowly but surely becoming a part of our family. It had been really challenging for me to accept initially. I wasn't sure how to react to him, and quite often I still wasn't sure. Lily-Rose often picked up the tension between Gale and I. Odd comments that were passed between us made her frown in confusion.

But for the most part I tried to accept him. I knew Katniss was slowly but surely overcoming her issues with him, and so I was making a concerted effort to do the same. Gale had just greeted us in the forest and then he asked me, "Can Lily and I go and spy for animals?" Lily clapped her hands in excitement, her blue eyes gleaming. I glanced at Katniss, who nodded and leant against the tree, "Sure Gale. Just don't lose her." I nodded and muttered, "Yeah, or you'll be dead meat." Lily walked up to me and slapped my hand, "That's not a very nice thing to say, daddy!" she said in exasperation.  
I laughed and kissed her cheek, "I'm just making sure my princess doesn't get lost." She rolled her eyes dramatically, "Uncle Gale would never lose me." I glanced at Katniss who smirked, "He wouldn't _dare_." Gale was looking uncomfortable and then he said, "Ok Lily, let's head that way!" He pointed into a thicket and they disappeared suddenly.

I noticed Katniss had placed Ryan in his baby rocker chair. He was fast asleep. I smiled and whispered, "You know, I feel like he's going to be a mommy's boy." Katniss rolled her eyes at me, "Like Lily is a daddy's girl?" Peeta chuckled and replied, "It's not a bad thing." She smirked and lay back on the blanket, "No. It's not."

I wasn't having my memories invade my thought as much anymore. They had slowly but surely begun fading completely, and I lay on my side. I turned over to wrap my arm under Katniss' neck and I whispered to her, "We've got two beautiful children. They don't need to worry about the Hunger Games anymore. They are safe and happy, and so are we. Real or not real?" She turned so that we were facing each other and she smiled sweetly at me, "You're asking me even though you're not having a vision?" I nodded and kissed her forehead, "Yup."  
Katniss brushed a piece of my hair backwards off my face and asked, "Why?" I stared into her intoxicating blue eyes and whispered hoarsely, "Because it's nice to sometimes confirm it. It's been my dream for so long, sometimes it doesn't feel real." This caused her to kiss me softly on the lips. I sighed happily and when I pulled away, she stared into my eyes and whispered, "It's completely real." For the first time in my life, I felt complete…like that was all I needed to hear.

 _A/N: Hi All! So this is basically the end! I'm super sad to be finishing this story, but I also wanted to end it on a more positive note. The book, as deep as the ending was, was far too melancholy for me. I think they all deserve a happy ending._

 _Anyway, after seventy three Microsoft word pages, I'm really chuffed to say I'm done! Thank you so so much to all of my loyal 54 followers and to all those who favorite and reviewed! It really means the world to me. I never dreamt this story would have such great feedback! I'm feeling a little teary eyed I'm not gonna lie! I may decide to do chapters at a later stage of their children all grown up. So stay tuned for that. And please check out my other stories. I've written ones for Harry Potter, Hercules (in the works), Pokemon and others if you're interested in those genres._

 _Otherwise much love from me and peace out!  
_ _ **1993**_


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